


Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)

by SappyDeacon



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anger, Angst, Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fatherly love Arthur, Fights, Fluff, Friendship/Love, I may be forgetting some tags, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Triangles, Multi, Murder, Self-Doubt, Smut, Songs added in the story, smut smut smut, storyline is similar but a bit different, to which I find fits the situation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:34:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 46,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26780734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SappyDeacon/pseuds/SappyDeacon
Summary: Sheyanne was rescued long ago by a man she now knows as her closest friend, John Marston himself.  But that love soon turns to something else while she's in a relationship with none other than notorious gang-leader Dutch Van Der Linde. The relationships take turns over and over again, fighting for different reasons. She's soon caught up in a love-triangle that turns to shit over time. She may just be on the wildest ride she could only dream about, except its real. Realer than you can get.
Relationships: Dutch van der Linde/Reader, John Marston/Reader
Kudos: 14





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> If you are looking for a story with TONS of smutty goodness this is for you. I wrote this awhile back and I keep coming back to add to it. Ive never posted ANYTHING I've written, like ever. Im excited to share this to the world. If you like it please let me know!!! If you guys love it, trust me I have SO much more to post on this, like ALOT.
> 
> -SappyDeacon

“Honey, you grab whatever you can find in those passengers pockets, show no mercy if they don’t politely oblige. You hear?” Dutch Van der Linde says.  
“You got it.” I responded back. The gang has been waiting for this train mission for months. Dutch says we’ll hit it big. He has plans. Big plans. We’re robbing Leviticus Cornwall, he has all of the money we need to get out of here, we can finally stop running, I can finally start my life with Dutch.  
“HERE IT COMES!” Bill yelled from a far. We are going to blow the tracks to stop that train.  
“Masks on boys.” I say as I pull on my red bandana up around my face from my neck. Everyone nodded and in unison they all hid their faces within the cover of the night.  
Arthur, Dutch, and Micah all stood together whispering what was about to go down. “I still dont have a good feeling about this, Dutch.” Arthur said, as careful as always.  
“Alright, old man, we know it for the hundredth time, stop doubting, nothings going to happen.” Micha replied sarcastically. “It will be okay, Arthur. The plan will work.”

“Shit,” I begin, “SHIT BILL CAN’T GET THE DYNAMITE TO BLOW!” I begin to panic, as does everyone else. “SHIT!” Dutch yells. “Let’s go.” Arthur says. “Stop that damn train!” Dutch yells after Arthur, Javier, Lenny and I as we begin to run, to jump onto the train. We picked up our pace and we all jumped down onto the speeding train. “Javier!” I yell as he slips and falls off the edge of the zooming engine, leaving him behind, him throwing his hands in the air. “A LITTLE HELP HERE!!!!” Lenny dangled on the left side of the train, Arthur and I go over to grab him to pull him up.  
“This train is armed, so be careful, get up there and stop that conductor, Sheyanne.” Arthur yells. “Got it! Be careful you guys.” I say and as i begin to leave, Arthur grabs my arm and spins me around to say, “No, you be careful, god forbid what Dutch’ll do to me if you get hurt.” I grab his hand and hold it for a second and then let it go to leave. “I’ll stop this train one way or another.” I jump onto the next moving cart running and jumping cart to cart. “HEY! BITCH!” I hear someone yell behind me. I grab my pistol out of my holster, and swiftly turn around and shot the bastard directly between the eyes before he could pull the trigger. I ran into a few more guards, before I begin to reach the front of the train. “Sheyanne!” I hear Arthur call to me, they caught up. “The conductor isn’t here!” I yell back as I begin to near the front. “HEY!” Arthur screams. Within a swift movement, hands clasp my throat, and I am being held over the side of the train. “You motherfUCKER!” I scream, fighting back. I reach for my knife, and the conductor reaches for his, quickly slashing my cheek within a second. “WHAT KIND OF CONDUCTOR ARE YOU?!” I say as I jump onto the man, slicing my blade through his neck. “You okay?” Lenny calls out over the roar of the tracks beneath us. “Im fine!” I say , too annoyed and too busy looting the pockets of the conductor. “Ow.”I whisper to myself.  
I reach the front, and I slam back on the trains breaks, I quickly get thrown backwards onto my ass. As the train begins to come to a screeching holt, Arthur yells out, “We’ve got more friends.” We all look to see more men coming on horseback approaching the train. I nod at them as I pull my bandana back up my face. We all begin to rain bullets down on every horsemen that approach the side of the train. We take them down one after another, the train finally stops. Us three jump off onto the ground, waiting for the other guys to show up.

“Son of a bitch got me good.” I say, wiping off some of the dripping blood from my cheek. “At least you didn’t get shot.” Lenny says, holding his shoulder. “Do you need me to look at that son?” Arthur asks calmly. “No, thank you sir.” Lenny replies. Arthur nods. “STOP RIGHT THERE!” We hear more people call out. We all spin around to find more men coming at us. “Come on!” I yell in annoyance. We all begin to shoot. I suddenly get the wind knocked out of me as a man jumps on top of me from the train, knocking my pistol out of reach. “Hi pretty lady. Wanna have a good time?” The outlaw ontop of me says into my ear. “GET OFF OF ME!” I begin to fight him off of my body, my chest screaming for air. I socked the man right in the mouth. He looked at me in disgust as he slapped me, busting my lip open. “Looks like were both spitting blood now, huh?” He says. “HEY, GET OFF OF HER!” Arthur yells, as he points his gun towards him from afar. “Ahh ahh ahhhhh. Careful now old man. Don’t want her pretty little neck cut do you now?” He holds his knife up to my throat, and i let out a small whimper. “Get your filthy fucking hands off my woman.” Dutch rides up with the rest of the gang as they all hop off their horses drawing their guns. “Dutch fuckin Van der Linde. We’ve been lookin for ya. Tell ya what, you surrender and I don’t slit your whore’s throat.” Dutch lets out an angry growl. I suddenly flip the man underneath me - straddling him with his own knife on his throat that was just on mine. “I ain’t no whore.” I say to the man. “Come on, baby, i can fuck you better than that oldie over there.” Dutch begins to raise his gun when i yell, “DUTCH. No.” He was angry, boiling with rage at the man’s words. But he nodded and backed off, lowering the firearm back to his side, but still keeping his finger on the trigger.

I was so distracted, the man punched me, then grabbed another knife and slashed my arm. “Fuck!” I winced in pain. I jumped up and created my distance with him. “What you gonna do, little flower? You scared?” He laughed and taunted at me. I looked him in the eyes and said “Not one bit.” I had the knife in my hand and quickly threw the metal directly through his eye, piercing his skull, before he could even move. I felt a pair of arms pull me close and spin me around. “Oh, darlin’. Your beautiful face.” Dutch had anger and sadness in his eyes. He grabbed his hankercheif and carefully tried to wipe the slash on my cheek. I winced and pulled back quickly. “I’m sorry angel. I’m sorry.” Dutch pulled me close as he ran his thumb across the gash on my lip carefully. He kissed me, getting blood on his lips. He licked it right off. “They’ll pay.” He said. He turned around and commanded the guys to begin searching the train for anything, including the passengers. “You are staying right by me.” Dutch says grabbing me protectively. I shook him off saying, “The hell I ain’t. I gotta job to do, Van der Linde.” I grab the dynamite out of his pocket. “Where are you going with that?” He says after me. *blood in the cut begins* I don’t reply to him I just keep walking waving the dynamite in the air. “Sheyanne.” I turn around and Arthur tosses me my pistol that got knocked out of my hand earlier. I caught it, spun around and began walking away again, twirling the pistol in my hand and then holstering it. I heard a whistle then Arther began to say, “You’ve got a bad one there.” He laughs. “No kidding.” Dutch chuckles after him. I shook my head laughing.

I reach the middle of the train, strapping the dynamite onto the sealed cart door. I walk back a few feet, drawing my pistol, shooting the dynamite, causing the door to perfectly open up. I hop up into the cart and yell “If you’d kindly oblidge, hand over whatever you got on you and you wont get your head blown off.”  
“Like I said, a reeeaalll bad one.” Arther said again. Javier pats Dutch on the back, saying “Your lady does a better job at this than you do, boss.”  
Dutch scowls at the comment, smacking Javier in the back of the head, “Get your ass in there, son.” 

……………….  
After our train heist, we headed back to our camp. We were all beat, and I was the one that came out with the most bruises and cuts, like always. “Ain’t nothin but trouble little missy!!! Now come here so I can get you cleaned up, you look awful.” Ms. Grimshaw exclaimed as loud as ever. “But she did a god damn good job.” Dutch says, following suit. “Why did you get this girl involved, Van der Linde?” Ms. Grimshaw grimaced. “I chose to do this, Dutch didn’t do a thing. This is all I’ve got.” I said, wincing as i sat down in mine and Dutch’s tent. “You know I can clean up myself?” I say to Ms.Grimshaw. “Alright, alright. So stubborn,” she exclaims, “tsk, call me if you need me kid.” I nod at her. “Honey…” Dutch kneels down, looking me in the eyes, “do you know how greatful I am? To have you?” He began to remove my hat and my bandana around my neck. “Yes, I do.” I smile at him, as he smiles back. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He grabbed my hand gently, pulling me into his arms. “Ain’t nobody bother us? You hear? Or I’ll have your head.” Dutch yells to everyone in the camp, everyone agreed, some holding their hands up. We walked down to the lake, the moon was out and shining tonight. It was almost perfect. My skin was hot, and damp. I was ready to shed my clothes and dip right into the lake.  
We stopped right at the edge of the water. I began removing my blouse, as Dutch ran his rough, calloused hands over my back and down my arms, sending shivers down my spine. It’s been a bit since we’ve been intimate. We have all just been so busy and so tired from all this work we’ve been doing. When we did have the time and energy we would always be rudely inturrupted. *take me to church plays*  
I stripped off all of my clothes, and made my way into the water. I turned around as I saw Dutch begin to unbutton his vest, and shedding it. “Wait, the water moccasins.” He says warily. “There ain’t none in here, fool. Just a bunch’a trout.” I giggle. He’s always been afraid of little snakes. He breathed in, hastily taking off his trousers. He slowly waded in the water, making his way to me. “Alone at last.” He whispers into my ear from behind. “Seems so.” I whisper back, but more quite this time. He slowly undid my hair, letting it fall onto my shoulders, brushing it away gently. A moan quitely escaped my lips. “What’s that?” He whispered back into my ear, kissing my neck. I tilted it to the side for him to get better access. I felt his member grow hard into my back. “I gotta get cleaned up.” I say. “We can do that later, baby.” I flipped around, making him jump just a bit. “Scare you?” I slowly traced a wet finger down his stomach, reaching the place he needs my hands the most. I gently rapped my hand around his hard cock, making him moan louder than he should right now. “Oh my god…” He gasped, throwing his head back. I take my hand back, laughing. “Missy.” He says, getting a little red. “Something wrong, my love?” I say innocently batting my eyelashes up at him. He went to grab me, but I threw myself back into the water, quickly swimming away. I slowly came up, only popping my eyes out. He couldn’t find me. “Honey. This isn’t funny.” He tried searching around. “Come get me.” I popped out of the water. “HOW did you get over the so quick?!” He threw his hands up. He slowly began to wade over to me, but I quickly popped back under the water, swimming to the shore. He was in the spot I was just at, but now I’m at the shore. I quickly swim out of the water, throwing on Dutch’s shirt, covering my body. I quickly grabbed all of our clothes, he saw me at the last second and yelled “HEY HEY HEY HEY!!! GET BACK HERE SHEYANNE!” He quickly started swimming to shore. I ran up to the camp quickly. Everyone was eating at the fire. “Hi Sheyanne!”, Tilly said but questioned me with, “Wait where’s Dutch?” “You might wanna close your eyes ya’ll.” All eyes were on me, watching me run into the tent. Everybody was laughing but asking questions. “Where’s Dutch?” I kept hearing. “SHEYANNE!” I heard his voice, he was angry. Next all I hear was howling laughs, and a few loud gasps. He was butt naked. “LOOK AWAY! THIS ISN’T FUNNY YOU GUYS!” He was yelling at them. He quickly ran into the tent, knocking into me. “You!” He points his finger at me, poking me a bit too hard. “OW!” I yell. He laughs, looking away, and pushing back his wet hair. “Sorry.” I say, laughing, and laying on the bed. “Right, right.” He said, he was thinking, pondering on what he should do to me. He blew out the lantern in our tent. “Hey, why’d you do that?” I said sitting up. He says nothing. He began towards me, and then pushing me back, making me gasp. Oh, now I know. It worked. As I wanted it to. Like Dutch always says, “I’ve got a plan. This plan will work this time.” 

The moon was out, lighting up the tent. I could see the way Dutch’s already dark eyes turned into a lusty carbon black as he surveyed my naked body within his white dress shirt.  
“Oh, how I love to see you like this, ‘darlin.”  
He dragged his finger gently down my neck, towards my lower stomach, reaching the place I dangerously need him the most.  
“You ain’t gotta tease me like that now baby. C’mon. I’m all yours right now.”  
“But you have to pay, angel. You haven’t been very good as of lately. Potentially sabotaging my reputation as the leader of this gang.” He was still stroking little circles around my stomach.  
I was aching for him. By the looks of it, he was in desperate need of my attention as well. He leaned in, and gently whispered into my ear  
“Tonight, your leader takes the reigns.”


	2. Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two surprises show up at our doorstep: a furry friend and a cocky asshole. Both were unwanted.

It was the next day, I awoke to an empty cot. Dutch was already up and about, probably picking on Arthur or John some way, some how. I immediately got dressed, and made myself ready for the day. I quickly noticed a small piece of paper folded neatly. That was one thing Dutch always made sure of, things were tidy. I sighed to myself and reluctantly opened the paper.   
“My sweetest darlin... Out today. Got news of a stage coach not too far out of town. See you soon. X Dutch” 

I threw the paper down and left the tent.   
“Auntie!!” Jack ran towards me with open arms. I scooped him up, holding him on my hip.   
“How’s my favorite boy this morning?”   
“Great! We have a new doggy! Uncle Dutch names him Cain. Don’t you love him?”   
“Great, more dogs around here.” I said to myself shaking my head, Miss Grimshaw and Abigail heard me and chuckled.   
“I agree. More strays!” Miss Grimshaw shook her head.   
“Tell you what. I’ll go into town and get a brush from the stables just for Cain, okay buddy?”   
“You’re the best Auntie!” He giggled and ran off with the dog.   
“Welp. I’m off ladies. I’ll be back.” I waved off the girls.   
“Don’t be bringin back no strays now, you hear?” Abigail raised her hand at me from behind her head. She was too busy with her card games. She’s always been so serious when it comes to playin blackjack. 

—————————————————————-  
“Thank you for the brush!” I waved off the stable owner, he tipped his hat to me goodbye. I walked over to the store with hopes to find something for the damn dog to eat.   
“You got anything for a dog?”  
“Uhm, not perticularly. Sorry madam.”  
I raised my eyebrow at the shop keep them turned on my heel. Might as well pick something up while I’m here.   
“Pomade... no two. *sigh* Three. Damn men...,” I quickly grabbed three pomades from the shelves. Those men and their hair.   
“Bait for Arthur. Got it. Apples for Rosie. Got it.” I walked myself to the counter.  
“You find everything Miss?”   
“Mhmm.”  
I surveyed the store. My eyes landed on a pack of cigarettes. I’m not a smoker myself, but there’s plenty of people at the camp that do. Sure I’ve had my fair share of packs from time to time. But I do like to give the cards to little Jack.... ya. That’s what I’ll get them for.   
“These too!”  
“You don’t like the smoking type, Miss.”  
“What does a damn smoker look like to you?”   
The shop keep raised his hands in a fake surrender. I payed my amount and left. 

—————————————————————-  
When I got back to camp, the boys weren’t back yet. I was getting a little concerned, seeing I don’t know how long they’ve been gone. I shook all the negative thoughts outta my head when I was quickly tackled to the ground. I screamed loudly as I went down.   
My face planted into the mud and then I felt a wet, slobbery tongue almost devouring my face. “GOD DAMN IT! GET OFF OF ME YOU MUTT!” I quickly rolled over and pushed the dog off of me.   
“I-I’m sorry Auntie! He didn’t mean to! He just really likes you!” Little Jack quickly ran over, poor thing looked like he was about to cry.   
I sighed in response. “It’s okay,Jack. I got you his brush.” I got up and dusted myself off and grabbed the brush from my saddle bag on Rosie. Jack started giggling as he took the brush from my hands.   
“Hey you, what’s so funny?”   
He kept laughing and ran over to his mom, who was still at the table with all the ladies playing cards. I thought nothing of it.   
I walked over to them.   
“Does anybody know when these men will be back?”   
All at once everyone looked at me and gasped, then busted out into laughter.  
“Oh, honey!” Abagail almost had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.   
“WHY IS EVERYONE LAUGHING AT ME?!” I still thought nothing of it.   
“Your face is covered in MUD darlin!!” Miss Grimshaw pointed at my face, continuing her laughter.   
I quickly ran into my tent, looking at my face in the mirror. I felt my face burning a bright red. Half of my face was covered in mud that I practically face planted into by Cain.   
I shreiked just a little as I ran out of the tent.  
“THIS AINT MUD! tHIS AINT MUD!!!!”   
The girls were now hollering laughing, crying tears, and holding their stomachs almost in pain.   
I quickly ran down the hill to the little lake and brutally scrubbed my face with my hands. Of all places, the dog pushed me into a pile of horse shit. It was nowhere to be found on my clothes, but only covering half of my face. Oh how I wanted to shoot that dog dead, then throw myself into a pit of fire just to feel clean again. 

“Sheyanne!!! Get up here now!!!” I heard Miss Grimshaw scream from top the hill.   
I dried my face off and hurried up top.   
Shit.   
“Hello ladies, what a surprise.”   
“Milton. What the fuck are you doing here..”  
I steadied myself, lookin back at Miss Grimshaw and Abagail, nodding. Tilley quickly scooped up Jack, and disappeared down the hill. I have no clue how Pinkertons found us, taken that we are far into cover in the forest 

“I only want your gang leader. That’s all. He comes with us, no harm is done.”  
“Funny. He ain’t here.”   
“We can wait for him. We have plenty of time!”   
Milton casually leaned against his horse.   
“Leave before people get hurt.” I rest my hand atop my revolver.   
“Look at you! You really think you can take on all these men, when only one of you has a gun. That’s sweet.” 

Cocky asshole. I surveyed around looking to see how many came with him. “1,2,3,4,5,6...7...8. 8 men with him from what I can see. You’re so stupid Sheyanne.” I whispered to myself, getting ready to regret my actions if things take a turn.   
I quickly pulled out my rifle steadying it with one hand and quickly pulling the trigger and cocking it at the same time, taking out every single one of Milton’s men before any of them can pull out their guns fully.   
Breathing heavily and shaking from the bloodlust, I yell to Milton,   
“Listen, all your men are dead, and I can pull this trigger right now. Either you get out of here and leave my gang the FUCK alone or I will have you hangin by your feet. You chose.” 

He threw up his hands, slowly backing up towards his horse calmly.  
“As you wish my dear, but this isn’t the last you’ll see of me.”   
As he was hopping on his horse I tried to get to him, but two sets of hands quickly grabbed me and pulled me back.   
“He’s not worth you getting hurt! Leave him be Sheyanne.” Abigail squeezed my arm a little tighter, she had worry and fear in her eyes.   
“Go check on Jack and Tilly.”  
Abigail looked at Miss Grimshaw then back at me with worry on her face.   
“Go!” Miss Grimshaw nodded at her, then she let go of me and ran down the hill yelling Jack’s name. 

—————————————————————  
“Shame... 7 men shot down by a woman.”   
Miss Grimshaw chuckled as she helped drag the last of the Pinkerton’s dead men into the mass grave. 

We all turned our heads as we heard a big group of horses galloping in. It’s about time, it’s almost sun down.   
“Bout time y’all show up.” Abigail sighed out.   
“Whoa, woah, woah. What happened here?”   
Dutch hopped off his horse, all the men followed suit after him, observing us then the big hole filled with 7 dead men.   
“Those look like them Pinkerton’s to me.” Lenny took off his hat, looking around in the mass grave.   
“Jesus Christ, babe! You could’ve gotten killed! You… you!”   
Dutch didn’t know what to say. Speechless to the fact his gentle lover was almost the best sharpshooter in the gang. Speechless to the fact one small woman took down 7 men within seconds.   
“Can we get some damn help here?!” Karen yelled at the bewildered men, wiping the beaded sweat from between her breasts.

Dutch grabbed my shoulder, walking me to his tent.   
“What’s the big deal?!” I turned around, throwing his hand off my shoulder.  
“The DEAL is that you could’ve been KILLED! I wasn’t here to protect you, all of you!” He ran a hand through his messy black curls. He looked at the floor, not knowing what to say next. Instead I grabbed ahold of his hand.  
“Honey, you know I can take care of us ladies when you’re gone.” I looked him in his eyes. There was a slight glimmer when he looked at me. I felt myself get hot.   
He sighed, then pulled me into a tight embrace. “I don’t want to lose you.” He seemed choked up.   
There was a cough at the front of the tent. Dutch let go of me as we both began to turn around to find John and Arthur watching us.   
“How long have you been there?” Dutch coughed. The two men began to laugh at their exposed leader.   
“You’re such a softie.” John’s raspy voice called out, loud enough for the camp to hear. Everyone in earshot began to chuckled as they passed by.   
“I’m assuming all of this means we need to pack up and go?” Arthur pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up and taking a drag.   
Dutch nodded his head, signaling a whirl of his hand meaning to begin packing all of our things. 

The real question was where the hell we are going to leave to. “Where to, boss?” John nonchalantly leaned up against the support pole of the tent.   
“I want you and Arthur to go find a manor, now it’s abandoned but who knows who’s campin’ out there. I want you guys to go clear out that shit hole.” Dutch lit his cigar.   
“Who said I wanted to go?” Arthur threw his hands up in protest.   
“I’ll go!” Right after I said that, Dutch immediately refused, saying it’s “Too dangerous for a girl like you.” It was only because he didn’t want me alone with another man, or maybe he just didn’t want to leave me again. 

“Dutch, I ain’t no little girl. Let me go. Besides, I’m bored! I want to go with my bestfriend.” I crossed my arms like a child after they’ve been told no.   
“Pleeaaaseee!” John begged, folding his hands together.   
Dutch looked at me, then back at John, rolling his eyes. “FINE!” He finally broke and said yes.   
I kissed my man on the lips, thanking him. As everyone began packing up, John and i got details to where to find this place. We said our goodbyes, and parted ways from the camp together. “We’ll meet you there, Darlin’!” Arthur called after us. “Okay, honey!” John teased back. “I WASN’T TALKIN TO YOU!” Arthur yelled back. We laughed, and trotted away from the camp.


	3. Cold as Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang moves elsewhere. Some have different motives for the day and Sheyanne heard something that she never thought she would hear her best friend say ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope those who read this have a wonderful day. Stay safe and think positive. Leave a comment or some kudos, it would make my day! ❤️

“How’s things been with Abby?” I looked over at John, watching him with intent as he held onto his horse’s reins, tightening his grip.  
“Still not good?” I questioned him gently. “It’s gotten worse.” His voice was low and rougher than usual. “I’m really sorry…” I looked ahead, not sure what to say to my bestfriend.  
“How bout you an Dutch?” I saw him watching me from my side view. “We got our days, I guess. The same old, same old. He still treats me like a young girl.” I didn’t realize i was making my horse go a little faster. “WOAHHH, slow down!” John sped up, matching my pace. “I know you don’t like being told what to do. I’ve known you for too long to know that. Longer than Dutch to still realize.”  
We slowed down our pace. I looked to John. “You met me at a very strange part of my life.” I felt different now. I feel like that younger girl I was when I met John. I was about 16 and he was 22. now, were 21 and 28, riding together through a swamp. Who would’ve thought. I’ve always loved John. I always will. He met me when I was running away from home. My father became an alcoholic after my mother passed away. He beat me every single time he got wasted. I couldn’t get out of that house, as much as I tried. One night when I was able to sneak outta the house, I met John. He was passing by when I asked him to take me far away. I never looked back since then. He has that special part in my heart that cannot be replaced. Yes, I love Dutch. I would die for him, as I would die for John. I know he feels the same, the way he always looks at me. I know how he gets jealous when Dutch and I are together. And i get the same when I see him and Abigail. When he met her, I thought my world shattered. I was heart broken when I found out she was pregnant with Jack. I was angry at him for the longest time. I had finally forgave him when I saw him care for little Jack the time he came out of Abby. I let it all go. But to this day, sometimes I lay awake at night, wishing it was me with him. Wondering how different everything would be today. 

It was nothing but silence for some time, until John spoke up. “What’s on your mind, darlin’?” He spoke gently, so he wouldn’t scare me out of my thoughts, which he tended to do often.  
“Oh… I. It’s nothin.” I gave him a reassuring smile. It caught his eyes, and I could see a hint of sadness within them. The look of sadness he gave everytime he looked at me.  
We finally arrived at the swamp. The mansion Dutch had told us to go to, seemed fairly occupied, by how many men? I don’t know. John and I gave a nod, and went in, guns blazing. 

—————————————————————

After we cleared out the new camp, John and I finally had time to sit down and talk. We made a fire in front of the steps of the house, making some coffee. I plopped down on the steps with a sigh. John sat beside me. “Finally.” I sat and watched the road. There was tension. John and I haven’t been alone-alone in forever. “You know I have feelings for you, right?” John’s voice startled me. I looked at him. His eyes were shining. I was almost shocked. “I didn’t realize you still did.” I looked back at the fire. “I let you down.” He whispered, almost to where I couldn’t hear him. “I don’t want your apology.” I kept staring at the fire. “You know, I was torn apart when you met Abby. I didn’t think i’d ever find anyone to love…” I looked over at him, my eyes began to water. John and I have never talked about how we felt about eachother since we were a little younger. Never did I think we ever would again. Yet, we sit here. His eyes were filled with sorrow and regret. “I’ve always loved you.” He grabbed my hand and wrapped it into his. “Is it my fault? That you never wanted to be with me?” A tear fell from my eye. I quickly wiped it away. I don’t show my emotions easily. But right now, I’ve been broken down and exposed raw. “No. Never.” He shook his head, squeezing my hand. “You. You killed me.” I look him in the eyes. We searched for answers. But nothing surfaced . “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I wish I could go back, fix all of it.” The crew began to arrive. I got up, letting go of John’s hand. “But you can’t, can you?” More tears came out now. He hated himself right now. But he got up and dusted himself off, straightening up into his hard exterior once again. 

As Dutch hopped off his carriage, he quickly grabbed me, wiping my tears away. “What’s wrong honey? Is everything okay?” He checked me, making sure I wasn’t hurt. I wasn’t hurt on the outside. I was broken everywhere on the inside. I thought I was okay until today. I realized I wasn’t. I nodded at Dutch, hugging him tightly. John watched from a distance. He was broken as well. He hated Dutch for being with his soulmate. 

—————————————————————

“What happened earlier?” Dutch hasn’t stopped asking me what happened with John. I haven’t gave a reply to him within the past hour, which has made Dutch more frustrated. “You really wanna know what happened, Dutch?” I got up from the bed. “John and I got in a fight.” I was lying. “Nothings.... going on between you two right?” Dutch’s face became grim. “Absolutely not. That’s my best friend. I’m with YOU.” I poked him in his chest, unsteadying him. “Okay. If you insist.” He kissed my head, then left the room, leaving me with my thoughts. 

Time has passed, and it’s close to dinner time. “Shit. Welp, were out of them dammned beans!” Miss Grimshaw threw up her hands, then put them on her hips. “I can go to town and grab em. Ain’t no biggie!” I got up from the table, throwing my satchel on. “You’re a sweetheart, darlin.” Dutch’s eyes gleamed at me. I smiled at him, causing my cheeks to flush after he gave me a wink. “Can I go with?” John walked up behind me, startling me. “I... guess.” I was still upset. Who knows when I won’t be. “Be careful now, John. We ain’t want her coming back cryin now.” Arthur looked at John, then at Dutch. Dutch’s face was unreadable. It was almost like he was looking through a window. “Bye now, honey.” I kissed Dutch on the forehead. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, saying goodbye. 

I hopped on my horse, Johns saddled next to mine, and we rode off into Saint Denis. 

“You still mad at me?” John finally spoke up after about 10 minutes from the camp. “Why would I be mad at you?” I never once looked at him. “Come on, Sheyanne. Don’t be like that. Please.” He almost begged. “John.” I stopped my horse. “I love you. Okay. I’ve always loved you and you know this. You broke my heart, and you know that. I don’t want to talk about this no more.” I made my horse go to a trot now. John caught up to me, matching my slow speed. “I love you, Sheyanne. I love you with all my damn heart! I hate seeing you with Dutch. It makes me angry. Like, like that could’ve been me. I know I’ve screwed up. I don’t want it to be like this. You’re my best friend. And you always will be.” He was staring at me,not paying attention to where his horse was going. “Just pay attention,John Marston.” 

We trotted through town, got our beans, and we raced back to camp before the sun has fully set. 

Dinner was served for the night, we all enjoyed our beans and our catch of the day. Now it wasn’t the meals we always would have once we got the money from a heist, but this will do for tonight. Camp was completely set up thanks to Miss Grimshaw and the girls, it made everything feel like home again. We don’t know how soon it will be until we have to up and go again, but for now it’s time to rest up. 

“Ohhhh, baby! I’m exhausted.” Dutch stretched out, yawning, then proceeded to take off his vest and unbutton his shirt. “Dutch?” I stared at him. “Yes darlin?” He lies down next to me. “You know I love you right?” He never blinked, just kept his eyes on mine. “Of course. And you know I love you? With all of my heart. I would take a god damn bullet for you.” He pulled me into an embrace, almost rocking me like a baby. Suddenly, someone knocked at the door. “Sheyanne? Dutch?” The familiar raspy voice on the other side called out wearily. Dutch got up and opened the door, his shirt still unbottoned completely. “Yes, son?” He almost sounded angry. “Can I borrow the girl for a few?” John looked in, catching my eyes. Jesus Christ this man won’t give up. Dutch looked back at me. We connected, almost like I knew he was asking me if I wanted to go. I sighed and got up. I was in nothin but my nightclothes. I slipped on my boots, then croutched underneath Dutch’s arm. “I’ll be back.” I reassured my concerned lover giving his a small smile. He shut the door. 

John and I walked outside. Sitting in a small garden behind the house. It was surrounded by dead plants, but thriving shrubbery and weeping willows. We were completely surrounded by nature, covering us up. We both sat down on the bench, it was nothing but him and I once again. And chirping crickets of course.  
“You don’t give up, Marston.” I shook my head and looked over to him.  
“I don’t know what else to say to you, Sheyanne. A thousand sorry’s won’t do no good.” He stared back now.  
“I told you I don’t want your apologies. No more.” I shook my head with distaste.  
“I...” John hesitated. It was quite for a minute or so.  
“Nice place back here. If it was cleaned up it would have some potential. Kinda like you.” I smiled elbowing him gently. He laughed with his raspy voice, sending shivers through me. I’ve always loved his voice and his laugh.  
“I haven’t been able to get this off my mind.” He looked around. “What the garden?” I looked around, confused. He laughed at me again. “Honestly I—“ I was cut off by a pair of rough, calloused hands turning my face gently. A pair of softly rough lips smashed into mine. As quickly as it happened, it was quickly over. I felt my face heating up. Johns face began to glow a red as mine did, his much worse. “You, you kissed me.” I put my fingers to my lips. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m stupid!” He was about to get up off the bench, but he wasn’t fast enough as I pulled him to sit back down. He looked at me, concerned. I looked in his eyes. I was longing for him. Waiting for this my entire life I’ve known him. In this moment I feel no regret. As I may later, right now I don’t care. I grabbed his face between my hands, and pressed my lips into his. I gently bit his bottom lip, asking for entrance for my tongue. Our tongues danced within each others mouths. Hot and longing for each other. To touch each other. To be one. I grabbed a fistful of his long hair, pushing him closer to deepen the kiss. He roughly gripped my hips, pulling me closer to his body. His touch hands began trailing up my thighs, but he quickly pulled back.  
“JOHN!” A familiar woman’s voice called out from a distance. We quickly pulled apart from one another, quietly getting our oxygen back. “JOHN WHERE ARE YOU DAMMIT!” Abigail was searching for him. “Goodnight John Marston.” I gave him a shy smile. “Goodnight Gomez.” He planted a small kiss against my forehead, then getting up to leave. As I watched him go, there was a pain within my chest. “Back to the woman who shattered my world.” I thought. I loved Abigail, I would do anything for her. She’s never done me wrong and I’ve never done her wrong. Until now. But there has always been a small disconnection and awkwardness between us when it came to John, and everyone knew it, even little Jack. I sighed, and rubbed my arms and my shoulders, even though we were in a warm swamp, right now, I’ve got chills. Tonight, I’m cold.


	4. Guilty Work and Corsets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theres some tension between John and Dutch. And everyone is feeling it. The gang goes for a job. Will Sheyanne question her morals?

Just two nights ago, my best friend kissed me. And I kissed him back. We’ve barely spoken since then. Only a few glances and a few smiles or nods, but we haven’t been close like we usually are. We usually are almost arm and arm, wherever I am, John is not too far away from me. Lately, Dutch hasn’t been treating John the best lately, things have almost turned, and nobody knows why. He must suspect what is happening between us two, or maybe, he saw us share our midnight rendezvous within the forests hideaway.   
“Why are you bein like this, Dutch?” John called him out, behind closed doors. “I know you love her.” Dutch lowered his voice. He’s serious now. It’s wrong of me, to eavesdrop through the walls, but they are thin. Who can’t hear? Hopefully Abigail isn’t nearby. “She’s my best friend, Dutch! Of course I love her!” John is playing it sly. “DONT lie to me, son.” Hes getting angry now. “I AINT lyin, Dutch.” John is beginning to get angry too. Oh dear lord. I open the door, shutting it behind me. “Stop it you two. This is ridiculous.” I call them both out. I’m tired of it. “It’s his doing.” John looked at Dutch. “Go to your wife, boy.” Hes glaring daggers at him. If looks could kill, he’d -John- be dead. “Straighten him out, will ya.” He watched my eyes as he left the room, slamming the door as he left. “Stop this, Dutch!” I turned to look at him. “What’s going on?” He glared at me. “That’s my best friend. And that’s yours too. So stop being ignorant, and grow up will you?” I’m angered now. I’ve had enough. “Remember, Dutch, it’s your bed I sleep in at night, not his.” I metaphorically point outside, then I turn around and leave the room, slamming the door after me. 

“Something strange is happenin here. What is it?” I ran into Arthur as I walked past the staircase, he was coming down. “Everyone is being god dammned idiots in this place!” I stormed passed him. As I walk outside, I hear arguing between none other than John and Abigail. Great. More bickering. “Auntie Sheyanne!” Jack ran into my arms. My heart instantly warms, but I also feel Sorrow. “How’s my favorite guy?” I gave him a tired, weakens smile and then I hoisted him onto my back into a piggy back. “Im okay! I picked some flowers for you, but my mommy said I can’t give them to you.” I became angry again. But I instantly calmed myself when I heard a giggle escape from Jacks mouth. I zoomed him around the camp, nothing but laughter escaping both of our mouths. Everyone was watching us, shaking their heads with little smiles and laughs. Even John and Abigail stopped fighting to watch us. And so was Dutch, leaning on the support beam on the porch. Everyone was smiling. This is what I want. This is my happiness. 

—————————————————————

“Alright everyone. This is it. This stage coach we’re gonna rob should be loaded with cash.” Dutch clapped his hands together, pitching his plan. “If it goes right, we’ll be dining like gods tonight.” Everyone cheered at his disposition.   
We all broke up together, leaving it with Dutch, Arthur, John, and I. The rest of the gang knew they weren’t on this job. “Alright now, honey,” Dutch pulled me into his arms, showing his dominance, “you’re gonna put on your best dress, and play a lost, lonely harlot.” I gave him a smug look, pushing him a little. “You do it best, unless we throw Arthur in a dress.” We all let out a little howl, while Arthur threw us a dirty look. “Kidding, Arthur.” Dutch slapped him in the back a little too hard. “John, Arthur, and I will all wait up on the hill, while you flag down the carriage, then when it’s time, I’ll give you the signal.” We all agreed, then parted ways. 

Dutch followed suit behind me while the other two were left standing in the same spot. We got inside the humid, but airy house, closing the door behind our backs. “You know how this dress looks right?” I pulled out -the- dress. “Yes, and that’s why it’s my favorite. Therefore, we’re using it. Besides, you know everyone drools over you when you’re wearin it darlin!” He slapped me on the ass causing me to screech a bit. “I don’t wanna wear this damn thing, Dutch. It makes me... uncomfortable and sweaty.” I began to take my clothes off. “Although I hate to see other men drooling at the sight of you, I’m gonna enjoy taking that off of you tonight.” He threw a wink at me. “I’m not a piece of meat.” I glared. My face grew even sweatier. Dutch has been the best fuck I’ve ever had, and still is to this day. “You’re such a perv.” I laughed, slipping on my corset, turning for him to tighten me up. “Just for you.” He made a loud chuckle. The laugh that warms my heart the most, other than Johns of course. I can’t help but think back to the night John and I shared our secret kiss. After I went to lie in bed for the night, I couldn’t help but touch myself, to the thought it was John, while my lover drifted asleep next to me. “Anything on your mind darlin?” He finished lacing my bodice up, tracing fingers up along my thighs. Goosebumps arose on my skin, making me shake a little. “Your so beautiful.” His deep, low growl came from behind me, whispered into my ear. I couldn’t help but throw my head back, a small moan escaping through my lips. “As much as I’d like to rip this corset right off of you, we’ve got money to make, baby.” He planted small kisses on the side of my neck, and on my shoulder. I walked away, bending down to pick up my dress from off the floor, making sure to look back at Dutch. He stood there, taking in every inch of my body, watching my ass slightly jiggle as I came back up. I watched his pants begin to tighten around his hard member even more. He was twitching in his pants. A small growl came from his mouth, sending a shiver that shocked me to my core, instantly making me wet. A knocked came at the door, then followed with a familiar country accent that belonged to Arthur, “You guys ready or what?” I can practically see his hands on his hips from behind the closed door. “Were comin.” Dutch yelled out annoyed, then adjusted himself in his pants, eyeing me once more, before opening the door, and walking out, leaving it open while I was still half naked. “Dear lOrd!” Arthur shielded his eyes quickly walking away. There was John, which I never saw standing there. He eyed my body for a moment, then shuts the door, leaving. 

About an hour and a half has passed waiting silently and impatiently on a hill, waiting for the carriage. “Dutch, it’s hot out here.”I fan myself with my hand. I put a single hand on my hip, tapping my foot on the ground. “You’re lucky you’re just about half dressed, and you’re complainin it’s hot.” John laughed, shaking his head. “Listen here, I’ll put you in a god damn, bone squeezin corset, and then you tell me it ain’t hot for you. Asshole.” I was getting very impatient. I sat down on a rock beside Dutch. “Honey, just remember: good things come to those who wait.” Hes still looking through his binoculars. He’s only put them down once since we got here. “HERE IT COMES. Does everyone remember the plan?” We all nodded and rolled our eyes. Okay, maybe I just rolled my eyes. “Show time.” Arthur looked through his own binoculars. I began prancing my self down the hill, waiting on the side of the rode, making sure to slip my leg put through the slit in my dress. I adjusted the girls, making sure they looked extra vulumpcuois. I looked back, and I could slightly see the guys gawking at me, not readying themselves for the hold up. The wagon began approaching even faster, but slowing down once they saw me on the side of the rode. It was an armed carriage, bound to have something worth it inside. There was only three men, two in the front and one on the side, on his own horse. “Howdy! What’s a beautiful young lady like yourself doing out here all by your lonesome?” They were eying me like a platter full of gold. “My lover dumped me out here, sayin he never wanted to see me again.” I exaggerated my accent way too much, it almost seemed insulting. I fanned myself, sticking my leg out even more. One was staring at the entirety of me, the other staring at my legs, and the other staring right at my tits. They all made it quite obvious.   
“I’m quite scared, misters.” I fanned myself harder now. I gotta signal soon. “You... you can come with- with us back to the station in Saint Dennis, Miss! Wouldn’t want... a thing like you gettin hurt.” He was almost drooling. All of them were. Suddenly, I reached into my dress, pulling out my revolver, aiming it at all of the men. “Alright boys, this is a hold up. Don’t ya move or say a thing, maybe you won’t die today.” I flashed them a pretty smile and batted my eyelashes. Here came John, Dutch and Arthur, all masked, all looking handsome. Especially Dutch. I loved the way he looked when he was holding people hostage. Made my little theiving heart flutter. But the way John held his gun, grabbing men, now that made me feel another way. Arthur, well, he’s still my squishy cowboy. We seized the money. There were bags and bags of cash and a few hefty golden bars within the carriage. All the men were lined up on the side of the cart, all probably shitting themselves. They got duped by a female. I love a mans face when they’re scared. “Good job, baby!” Dutch called out to me. I gave a contempt sigh, resting my gun over atop my shoulder. “Well boys. I’m sorry to tell ya, but, times up.” I was the one who did the executing at the end of the robbing spree. It was my specialty. “Follow.” I waved a finger at the three men, John following behind them, his gun aimed ready to fire. “Don’t do anything stupid, she’s a real tough one.” John chuckled. I couldn’t help but turn and give him a smirk. He winked at me. Dutch and Arthur were taking care of brining the carriage and cutting the horses loose, while John and I handle the men. “Line up.” I called for the men to line up amongst the cliff. “Jump.” I tucked my gun away. Nobody budged. “I said, JUMP.” Two of the men jumped already. “Why ain’t you jumped yet?” John called over my shoulder. “Pl-please mm-miss. I have a family.” He was crying, pissing himself at the same time. “Well... lemme think.” Should I let him go? What will his family think when he doesn’t come home? This is part of livin. You either kill yourself or get killed. That’s how I learned growing up. John taught me that. “I’m sorry.” I pulled out my revolver shooting him dead center between the eyes as he begged for his life. Once he was pleading, the next he was falling. At least he won’t feel the fall. 

“You’re brutal, girl.” John patted me on the back. He walked with his arm strung around my shoulder. “It’s our way of life, John.” I looked at him. So desperately wanting to kiss him again. I could tell in his eyes he wanted it to. “Well?” We heard Dutch cough, and speak up. “Taken care of.” John took his arm off of me, a small glare being thrown at him by Dutch. “Great!” He rubbed his hands together. “Now lets get outta here!” Arthur threw his hands up quickly, ready to get the hell home.


	5. Dirty Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much credit has been given to one person, and she's sick of it already. John and Sheyanne land in... quite the situation. Their relationship blooms while others crash and fail. She deals with the guilt of it all later on, and it's weighing heavily on her heart.

“We’ve got it folks!” Dutch rode in the camp, a bag of money within his hand. Whoever was around cheered, pretending to raise their glasses. “We’re gonna eat good tonight!” Karen called out, with a woohoo from some of the ladies. “Yes we are, and it’s all thanks to my beautiful darling girl, Sheyanne!” He looked back at me from atop his horse, giving me a sly wink. My heart began to pound as I looked behind me, Arthur tipping his hat at me, and John flashing me a grin. “You guys did it too, weren’t just me.” I giggled in protest. “Without your great lookin legs and... that get up, we wouldn’t be eatin like we should be tonight.” Lenny had his hat on his heart. I gave him a shy wink. 

“Now now, lets get this feast up and runnin shall we!” Miss Grimshaw shooed everyone, getting ready to prepare our feast. 

“If we had more day time, I’d say we oughtta run to the town.” Dutch held me. “For what?” I smiled up at him. “Get you a new dress.” He hugged me even tighter now. I basked in his scent. The smell of cigars and vanilla with a small hint of Bourbon. My favorite smell in the whole wide world. “We ain’t gotta get me a dress, Dutch.” As much as I actually do want one, I don’t need to be spoiled. It was just like any other job we did. But he does love to spoil me anytime we get the money. “Fine, I’ll buy you two. Maybe three if you complain.” He beamed at me now, planting a kiss on my forehead. 

I got plenty of compliments tonight. I’m not one to enjoy the limelight, but tonight it felt different. Everything felt different. But In quite a good way. “Shey?” John came to me. I know he’s been watching me read this whole time. “You got time to talk?” He watched me. I looked up at him from my thick lashes. “But...” “I don’t think they’ll notice we are gone. Come on. Walk with me.” He held out his hand to grab me up. I sighed, and grabbed his outstretched arm. 

We began walking down a small path a small way from the camp. “You did good today, y’know.” I saw his smile beaming from the setting sun. “Aww, it wasn’t just me! You did good too.” I pushed him a bit. “Right.” He pushed me back, a little harder now. “Hey!” We were now shoving each other back and forth going harder and harder each time. Suddenly, I tripped over a small log that I never saw coming. I fell back with a scream, John coming down right on top of me. “Shit.” I grabbed the back of my head. “You okay?” He was concerned. “Ya, just hit my head a bit.” We stared at each other for a few moments, then bursting out into sheer laughter. 

We stopped laughing, John still lay atop of me. We stared into each others eyes for just a moment before I reached up and grabbed his face between my hands. He leaned in and eagerly pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was hard, full of passion and wanting. A small moan escaped from both of our lips, my hands entangling themselves into Johns dark tangle of hair, knocking his hat off of his head. His hands traveled between my legs, hiking my dress up eagerly. He pulled aside my underclothes and began to run a rough but gentle finger over my clit. I arched my back a little, not having the feeling of a mans hands on me for at least a week or two. I haven’t kept count anymore. 

“John...” I moaned his name through my lips. He tentatively shoved his finger in between my wet folds, beginning to pump in and out, his mouth now attacking my neck and collarbone. “I’ve been waiting so long to touch you like this.” He breathlessly kisses my neck still. I didn’t say nothing but moan in response. I’ve been waiting a lifetime for this moment, or just any moment I spend with John alone. This is the first time he’s ever touched me this way, yet alone sharing our first kiss together only days ago. As I have not once felt guilty about doing this with John, I can’t not help but think of Dutch’s face. What would he become of this? Would he kill John? What about Abigail? And Jack? 

I try to get the thoughts off my mind, but I can’t seem to. Is it guilt? I’m not sure. As the thought slowly begins to leave my mind, I feel my climax surfacing. “I’m gonna... I’m gonna cum.” I can’t seem to catch my breath. I begin to arch my back slightly, my climax peeking, my body shaking slowly, my feet clenching, and my fists entangled within Johns shirt and hair. “That’s it.” He whispered, watching me come down from my high. We both hear the dinner bell ring from afar. “We should... get back.” I’m making it awkward. Shit. “Uh, I guess so.” He wipes his hand off on his jeans, covered with my juices. “Wait.” He stopped me from walking away, snatching my wrist. “I love you.” He breathes into my hand, planting a gentle kiss on every finger. “I love you too, Marston.” He drops my hand, letting me walk away, back to Dutch.

—————————————————————

After our feast of the night, everyone parts to their own separate ways. The whole dinner John and I exchanged a few glances and shy smiles. I can’t help but still feel the wanting of him. Of him to be inside me. 

Everyone was laughing and singing, still talking about the victory of me. At this point I’m getting tired of it. I kept denying it was all me, because it was team work. But I couldn’t help but bask in the feeling of victory. My whole life I was alone, scared, and beaten down by everything I did. Now... now I’m feeling loved. It feels good.

“Goodnight everyone, I’m off to dreamland.” I bid everyone goodnight and sweet dreams. “Goodnight Jack. You are always my favorite little man.” I kiss him on the forehead, then I ruffle his hair. I go inside and lie in bed alone. 

—————————————————————

I awoke in what seemed the middle of the night, in cold sweats. It was a bad dream where Dutch found out about John and I. He killed him. Tears welled up in my eyes. I don’t think it’s real. Dear god don’t let it be real. Dutch lie beside me, black hair a mess. He’s still snoring. He’s out like a log. I slide out of the bed carefully. I put on my boots and walk outside. 

The fire is still on. Who’s up? “Hi darlin.” Arthur was still awake. “Why are you still up?” I ask. He looks exhausted. “M’not tired. I tried to sleep but, here I am.” After he talks, I giggle quietly, as the others are all passed out. I sit down on one of the logs. Picking up a small twig, fiddling with it. “You okay, honey?” Arthur looks concerned. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind... that’s all.” I don’t look at him again. “What is it? If you don’t mind me askin’?” I finally look at him after a short pause. “I just really don’t wanna talk about it, okay?” I snap just a little bit, but quietly still. “Well.. I’m always here for ya. You know that.” Arthur nodded, lighting up a cigarette. “You know, those are bad for you, old man.” I give him a small smile. He looks up at me, a small raspy chuckle escaping his lips. I finally get up and go back inside. Guilt is eating at me heavily right now. There’s the obvious reason, but it’s not me feeling bad about Dutch, it’s feeling bad for Abby and Jack. I stand outside the door of Dutch and I’s bedroom, my hand hovering over the door knob. I can’t seem to get myself to get back in the room. 

I turn myself around, and head back outside to the fire with Arthur. “Actually, give me one of them cigarettes.” He looks at me like I just told him to give him all his money. “I thought you said-“ He begins, but shortly gets cut off by me saying “We all say things.” I snatched the cigarette carton from beside him. I sit down, while he pulls out a match lighting it up for me. “That bad, huh?” He stares at me cautiously. “You have no clue.” 

—————————————————————

The sun began to poke out from atop of the trees. It’s early morning. Miss Grimshaw comes out of her tent all willy nilly happy. I’ve been sitting at the fire all night because I couldn’t dare go back into the room, I would break. I’ve been broken since that first kiss John and I shared a few days ago now. I’ve always been broken, I’ve just never let it get to me until now. Why be tough all the time? I’ve asked myself that over and over all night. I cried after I smoked about two cigarettes with Arthur. He kept asking me what was wrong and he tried to comfort me but I distanced myself and didn’t say a thing. Now I’ve got an empty carton on my hands. I’ve been crying all night. I can’t breathe out of my nose and my face is more than likely puffy. Let’s get on with the questions shall we. “Honey.” Miss Grimshaw approaches me, half worried and half confused. I don’t look at her. I’m just staring into the ashes of the fire that used to be there a few hours ago. “Honey. Are you okay?” She sits next to me, taking my hand into hers. I still don’t look at her. “Sheyanne.” That snapped me out of it. “Have you been up all night crying?” She looking at me very concerned now. “What do you think?” What am I doing? Pushing people away now? No. I’m not gonna let it get to me. “I’m sorry. I’m just... I don’t know.” She nods at me with understanding. “Go get all washed up and changed. I’ll start breakfast.” She rubs my back with care. With love. I agree and get up and put myself together. 

Next thing, I’ve got to deal with Dutch and everyone else, because I know Miss Grimshaw will open her mouth to Dutch, and then everyone will know I’m upset because she’ll be yelling. 

I was able to slip past Dutch on his way out, so I could slide in and avoid unwanted questions. “Have you seen Sheyanne?” I heard him asking Miss Grimshaw. Here we go. “WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO TO THAT GIRL. SHE WAS UP CRYING ALL NIGHT AND SHE SMOKED A GODDAMN WHOLE PACK OF CIGARETTES. I OUGHTA SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOULL BE TASTING IT FOR BREAKFAST.” I couldn’t help but laugh to myself as I shut the door to the room to get myself gathered up and ready for the day. 

—————————————————————

I come out the room about an hour later, it looks like I was never crying and I could actually breathe again. Minus the huge bags under my eyes, I’m... fine. Ya im fine. I walk outside, to see everyone is up and at it for the day. “AUNTIE! Look what I brought for you. I heard you were crying and I wanted to make you feel better! Don’t tell my mommy because she’ll be mad at me.” Jack practically screamed at me. I kneel down to his level. “Thank you my handsome little man! They are beautiful.” I tucked the little bundle of flowers behind my ear. I picked him up and swung him around a couple of times. His laughter was music to my ears, and it was like everything was okay. My cheeks were hurting from smiling so much. I spun him around a few more times, us both laughing in sync. “Auntie you made me dizzy!” He falls to the ground still laughing. My head stops spinning and I look up. I forgot everyone was out. All eyes are on me. Great. “Go to your mommy now. I won’t tell her you gave me these flowers.” I wink at him and send him off with a smile. “Why and GODS NAME were you up crying last night?” Dutch wanders over to me with his hands on his hips like he has authority over me. “Wow, can you say it any louder, Dutch?” I throw my hands up and to my sides in defeat. “And WHY were you even smoking? Let ALONE. A WHOLE PACK.” He has the empty carton in his hand. “I don’t wanna talk about this right now Dutch.” I walk around him. Everyone is still staring. It’s like the whole camp is in complete pause, minus the fire which is fully ablaze. “No. I want to know. Enlighten me, little miss.” He’s getting angry. He hates when I walk away from him. “Leave ‘er alone, Dutch.” Arthur stands up. I look at him and flash a sympathetic smile. He nods in return. “I’m not dealing with this right now.” I begin to saddle my horse up. “Where do you think you’re going?” Dutch fastens his pace towards me. “Just let her go!” Arthur walks beside him putting a hand on his shoulder. Luckily I know how to saddle up quickly. “None if your GODDAMNED BUISNESS, DUTCH.” Within that I turn Rosie around and kick her side to let her know to speed off. “WERE NOT DONE HERE.” He yells after me. I don’t look back. 

After I’m a decent ways away, I slow Rosie down to a slowly comfortable pace for us both. “Sorry you had to hear all that, girl.” I pat her side. She neighs in response. I faintly hear the sound of hooves pacing behind me. I know just who it is. “Hey!” I hear the raspy voice call after me. The hooves are right beside me now. “Leave me alone, John. Couldn’t you tell I don’t wanna be bothered?” I don’t look at him. “Stop.” He says. He isn’t beside me anymore. “I said STOP DAMN IT!” I signal Rosie to stop. I turn her around and he’s looking at me like I’m a freak. “What?” My tone was icy. “What’s the matter with you? What’s going on?” He looks at me with a deepening worry. “I’m fine, John.” I look away. That tree sure seems particularly interesting. “No you aren’t. Why were you crying? Better yet, why did you smoke a whole pack of cigarettes, you hate them things. Always tellin Arthur they ain’t any good...What’s gotten into you.” I sigh, he got me. “It’s you. John it’s you. I can’t do this. WE can’t do this. It’s tearing me the fuck apart. What about Dutch? Abigail? Jack? I can’t do that to the people I love. I know Abby don’t want anything to do with me. She hasn’t liked me from day one.” I start picking at my skin. “Stop that!” He watched me pick at my arm with my sharp nails. I got off my horse, and tied her to a nearby tree. I sit down on the dirt. Normally I wouldn’t like to get any of my nice slacks dirty, but right now I could care less. I could care less if I were dead, too. I continue to stare ahead picking at my skin, drawing blood. John follows suit and jumps off his horse, not bothering to tie his stallion up. He kneels down, snatching both of my wrists. “Stop!” I look into his dark eyes. They are filled with lust, anger, and sadness all at the same time. “You haven’t done this to yourself in ages. Why now? There’s no use in hurting yourself, we can’t fix what we did.” He pauses, looking into my eyes, trying to find something, but I don’t know what. “You regret it?” My eye sheds a single tear. “No. I don’t. Part of me is full of guilt. I was the one who kissed you that night. I was the one who ruined everything. My marriage is already over, and jack is too young to realize what’s going on. I put your relationship with Dutch in jeopardy because of my own selfish reasoning. I love you with all my god damn heart. And I know you love me too. But I know your hand belongs to another. I can’t put everything at stake.” Now my eyes are full of tears. I just break down again. He pulls me into his chest. I sob and I hit him. I hit him over and over again. But he doesn’t care. He hasn’t seen me like this for years. “Everything will be okay...” he rubs my head over and over again. Hesitant on what to say next, he speaks up after awhile. “...let’s get back. Dutch is worried. Everyone is.” He helps me back onto my horse and I suck in my tears and gather myself together. “Care for a race?” He looks at me with a smirk. I just laugh at him and shake my head. “You’re on. You know I always beat your ass.” We both laugh. “It’s a chance I’m willing to take.” And at that we both set off back to camp.


	6. Fighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheyanne is full of surprises.

We shortly arrive at camp, everyone is enjoying their breakfast except Dutch. I can see the fury in his eyes and the redness in his face gives it away, too. “There you are dammit.” He stands up tall, puffing his chest at me, but also looking furious at John. “Tell me what the hell is going on or there will be problems.” Dutch begins walking over to our way. Lenny, Javier, Micah, and Arthur all stand up at once, looking at each other to be ready for anything. “You threatinin her?” John walks up to Dutch, trying to seem taller than he is. Dutch’s height beats Johns by a mile. “No, I’m threatening you, son.” They stare at each other with blazing daggers now. The other boys begin to walk over, ready to break up a heated fight. “Oh ya? What did I ever do to you?” They get closer to each other now. —How do you sleep by sam smith-“JUST FUCKING STOP.” I finally scream at the top at of my lungs. The echo was so loud, I stirred all the birds away from the surrounding trees. “This is ridiculous! Nothing, absolutely nothing is going on. I’m sick of all of this rivalry. The jealousy. Can’t you see it’s breaking my heart?” I begin to tear up again. “Obviously you guys don’t realize it. Cause I’m nothin right? Nobody ever cares about how I’m feelin.” My voice drops lower, and cracks just a little bit. “Sheyanne we didn’t-“ John starts but never finished from being cut off by me. “Of course you guys didn’t. Nobody ever takes a second about how I feel about all of this. Nobody takes a second to think. I’m done. Fucking DONE!” I begin to walk away, but Dutch reaches out to grab me. I manage to slip out of his gentle grasp. “Just leave me alone. All of you.” As I begin to walk in the house, I hear Jack begin to cry out, “Why are you guys so mean!” He follows me inside. 

“Thanks buddy.” Jack lies in the creaky bed with me. “Why are you so sad, Auntie?” He looks up at me with saddened eyes. “Auntie is just... tired. That’s all, angel.” I show him a weak smile, stroking his head gently. He cuddles up to me and we both fall asleep.

—————————————————————

“Darlin... my beautiful girl. Wake up.” I recognize that deep voice. Dutch. I flutter my eyes open, sleep still heavy on my eyes. He’s stroking my hair softly, playing with strands one by one. “Mmmm—hi.” I stretch a little. “You’ve been out for quite awhile. It’s already the next day.” He surveys me carefully. “What? Really?” I yawn lazily. “Get yourself up and come get some food. It’s all ready for you out there.” He kisses my forehead gently. I sit up in the bed, my head blacked out for a second from sitting up too fast. Don’t you hate that? “Listen... I’m sorry about all of that. I was out of line. I hurt you and I didn’t realize you were hurting that bad. I was just too blind to see it and I didn’t want to believe there was anything wrong with you.” I sit on the side of the bed, I didn’t dare to look at him. Was I not in love with him anymore? No... I am. I’m just feeling indifferent right now... that’s all. I think? My head hasn’t been in the best of places lately. “Honey. Look at me.” I feel him get up. “It’s okay, Dutch. I’m over it now.” I get up still not looking at him. I go over and change into new clothes. “If you want... you can go into Saint Denis and get a new dress?” I smile to myself. Turning to look at him, he has a big goofy smile painted on his face. I smile back again. “You’re the best you know that?” I walk over to him and he embraces me. “I know.” He let out a big hearty chuckle. “Let’s go get you fed, baby.” With that we both leave the room and go join the others in their morning charades. 

—————————————————————

I sit there, basking in the afternoon sun. I’m reading my favorite book I’ve read a million times. Somebody approaches me hesitantly. “You okay sweetie?” Huh. Somebody I’ve barely spoken to in the past few days. “Hi Abby. Ya I’m doin fine now that I got some rest.” I look at her, shielding my eyes from the sun even though I have on sunglasses. “We were all worried about you. You were knocked out cold. Jack tried to wake you up a few times, kept sneaking past us every other minute it seems.” She laughs a bit. She slowly put her hand on my knee. “Listen. I know I haven’t been the best of friend to you. But you know that I’m always here for you.” She flashed a sympathetic smile to me, barely showing her teeth. “Thanks, Abby. I appreciate it.” I slowly smile back. “Johns been dyin to talk to you. He’s been as nervous as a dog.” Do I really feel like talking to him right now? Not really. I don’t feel like speakin to anyone. I never reply to her, so she got the hint to get up and walk away. My bad. 

I’ve gotten bored of sitting here reading this book. It’s hot and I’m ready to leave this house for the day. I’m in the mood for a drink. I slam my book shut, stand up and dust my pants off. “Who’s in the mood for some drinks and bar fights?” Everyone laughs out loud; some agreeing and some just shaking their head. “Well it’s about time. I thought we weren’t ever gettin out of this hell hole.” Lenny stands up and walks over to me. “Well? Everyone just gonna stand there?” There was a few exchanged glances of thought. “Well shit, I’m in.” John stands up and claps his hands. “Me too.” Arthur stands up after. And as the rest of the guys (Javier, Micha, Dutch, Uncle, Bill, and Hosea) they follow suit. We all say our goodbyes and head into Saint Denis saddles blazing. 

—————————————————————

“Cheers to Sheyanne’s comeback, and her erratic explosion!” Uncle stood up and yelled. The entire bar shut up and stared at him, as were all of us at the table mid-raised glasses. Everyone else in the bar went back to what they were doing but the table stood still, watching me closely. I started laughing and everyone else bursted out too. “I mean when was the last time we all got to go to the bar together?!” I shouted over the loud buzz of the crowd. “It’s been forever!” Lenny exclaimed. We all shared another round of laughs and stories until one drunken bar-goer stumbles upon our table, almost knocking me out of my chair. I stand up, dropping my glass on the floor. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” I shouted at the highly intoxicated man. “Hey mmmbaby— lets say we get a room together and I can- can show you wwwhat a reeaalll man izzzz.” The man came closer and closer to me, where I was able to smell his entire self, which reeked like whiskey. The whole table stood up ready to shoot the man down dead and center. I pushed him back, him not even realizing he was forcefully shoved “Sir, back off, before you get hurt.” Lenny stepped in. “Lenny, son, let her handle it.” Dutch spoke up. Finally. I wink at all of the men, with the most devious smile I’ve had for awhile. “Bar fight.”   
“What?” The unknown man said with his country accent as I cocked back my arm and connect my fist with a forceful blow to the mans jaw. Suddenly the whole bar goes crazy. Here everyone is, throwing chairs and knocking over tables, chucking glasses across the room and over other men’s heads, while the ladies who run the brothel upstairs shriek in horror. Here I am, the one “lady” in the bar, starting a goddamn bar fight. Just like I said. It’s time to have some fun.

I suddenly get knocked in the head with a glass. My body fell to the ground and my head connected to the floor in a split second. The world is blurry and I keep seeing spots in my vision. I look up to see Dutch, John and Arthur not too far from me kicking, and throwing people around like dolls. “You like that bitch?” The man who hit me over the head with solid glass is standing right above me. I pick myself up off the floor. My vision is still blurry. “What’d you call me?” I form tight balls of my fists. “I said, You LIKE that BITCH?” Suddenly fury kicks in. That’s one thing a man shouldn’t call me. I reach towards my gun, ready to pull it out and shoot the son of a bitch right in his chest. “POLICE!” Suddenly everyone stops and begins to rush out the door. I hear a familiar voice yelling over the loud crowd “CAMP!” Dutch wants us to meet at home. I was able to sneak out under the crowd without being seen. I untie Rosie and ride as fast as the wind to camp. 

—————————————————————

All of us met at the end of the road leading to camp, our horses out of breath from riding with the hot wind. “Woo-hooooo!” John calls out, throwing his dark leathered hat around in a circle. “What’d I tell ya boys. I still got that good time in me.” I beam brighter than the sun. “I tell you what, that was a good time.” Arthur smiles, chewing on a toothpick. All eyes fall on me. “Darlin you’re bleeding!” Dutch rides his horse up beside me. “What happened?!” He sits up taller on his horse, resting a hand on my face gently. “Oh... uhhh I got knocked over the head with a glass??” I make an “oopsie” typa face. “Why on Earth didn’t you call for me!?” Dutch is mad. “Well, you know I can handle my own, besides I was about to shoot the man exactly when the police were comin.” I say so nonchalantly. “You shoulda shot the bastard.” John says as he leans up on his horse. “I oughtta find who hurt you. I’ll shoot that fucker down right now if I could.” Dutch is gripping his reigns so tight his knuckles are turning white(er). 

“Babe, I’m okay.” I put my hand on his, with a reassuring smile. He loosens his grip on the reigns. “Let’s go get you cleaned up.” Arthur speaks up, watching us closely. We all turn our horses and trot down the road to our camp. 

I hop off Rosie, tying her up to the horse posts. “Now where the HELL have you all been. And why do you all look so beat up?!” Miss Grimshaw has her hands on her hips like a disappointed mother. “Bar fight.” I say and everyone laughs. “Let’s get you looked at, you’re bleeding like crazy!” I walk over to the bench, plopping down on the hard surface with a sigh. Arthur, John and Dutch come over to sit down as well. The rest of the gang dispurse to their usual places. Dutch pulls out a new cigar, striking a match quickly, lighting the cigar. He usually rushes to smoke when he’s stressed out. “What’s on your mind?” I turn to look at him. “Nothin.” He looks away. I turn to look at both John and Arthur, they both are staring at me and then back to Dutch. I shoot him a glare, but he doesn’t see it, he’s too focused on the cloud of smoke he’s blowing out. “Now let’s see what’s going on.” Miss Grimshaw, removes my roughed up black hat, shifting my hair around to find the bleeding. “Now why in the hell were you involved? I bet everything you started it.” She grabs a bottle of antiseptic and a cotton round. She tenderly dabs it on my head. “Ahhh.” I shift uncomfortably, wincing at the sting. All the men around me straighten up. Watching me with concern. “You’ve got a piece of glass in your head.” Miss Grimshaw pulls it out. Relief fills my head. But suddenly, I feel a rush of something warm go down my cheek, washing over my face. “Oh dear lord! It’s worse than I thought.” She quickly tries to stop the bleeding but it just won’t stop pouring out. “I’m... I’m feeling like I’m gonna... pass...” The world becomes blurry and my body feels heavy. “Catch her!!!!!” Dutch yells out. Suddenly I feel myself fall to the hard, cold ground.

Next thing you know, I’m waking up in a bed. I try to open my eyes, but they are so heavy. I try to pick myself up, but I’m too weak. “No, don’t move.” I feel a hand resting on my head gently. “Where am I?” I weakly speak. “Home. You are home.” I hear the raspy voice talking to me. I flutter my eyes open. “John?” I find his hand. “I’m here.” He smiles at me. “You lost a lot of blood.” He squeezes my hand. “Where’s Dutch?” There’s silence. “He uh.... went to find the man that did this to you.” There was silence again. “What?!” I sit up fast. My head blacks out for a second, I’m feeling dizzy again. “Woah woah, it’s okay. It’s okay. Just rest.” He lays me back down. “I need a bath.” I look up at him. “Ya you stink. Plus you’ve got blood all over you.” He laughs, as I let out a small chuckle. “You do too.” I smack his hand weakly. “Do you want me to take you into town? Since you know, you can’t do anything for yourself?” He doesn’t look at me. “Can you?” I stare at him. “Sure.” He gets up, grabbing my boots and new clothes, stuffing them into a leather bag. He slings it around his shoulder, grabbing me out of bed. 

He carries me outside, I’m still too weak to walk for myself. “Oh you’re up!” Miss Grimshaw runs over, checking me out. “Where you goin John?” Abigail walks over putting her hand on her hip. “I’m... taking her into town. She wants a bath.” Abigail narrows her eyes. “She’s not in good shape for that. Can’t she just bathe here?” Well this is awkward. “I want an actual bath, Abby. Not no bucket.” I look over to her. She just walks away saying nothing. “Go ahead. You go. Clean yourself up. Be careful with your head. I stitched you up as best as I could. You might bleed again.” She’s still checking my head out. I smile at her. “Thank you.” I say.


	7. Sin and Muse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *MORE SMUT*  
> Sheyanne gets a "tune up" from John and the gang has some fun a while later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did change a line in "God's Gonna Cut You Down" by Johnny Cash. I do not own the song, thought I'd have a little fun with a change in one of the lines. I'm not the absolute best at time cuts in my stories so bare with me. 😁 Enjoy! -SappyDeacon

John rode me into town on his horse. We arrive at the bathhouse. He carried me inside slowly, constantly asking if I was okay. “We would like to draw her a bath.” He asks the clerk at the counter. “That’ll be $5.00, sir.” John pays the man, and takes me into one of the rooms. We watch a lady dressed very provocatively draw the water, making sure to add a big amount of bubbles. “Call if you need anythin, Darlin.” She has a heavy country accent. The door shuts and John is still in here with me. I weakly stand up, beginning to take off my clothes. “Oh... uhm.. I will be outside okay?” He avoids looking at me. “No stay... I need help getting in.” I’m completely naked now. He turns around, looking at me. He draws a sharp breath. “Uhm.. okay.” He walks over, putting and arm around me, helping me walk over to the bath. I step in, wincing at the hot water. But I bare it all and get in slowly. All the bubbles cover me entirely. “Thank you... for being by my side, John.” I smile while playing with the bubbles. “Always.” He smiles shyly. His face is a rosy red. He peeks at me every now and then. “You... wanna come in?” I look at him carefully. “I.. I don’t think... Dutch..” Hes hesitant. “Dutch ain’t here. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt em.” I’m still staring at him. “Fine. Don’t look at me.” I laugh, turning my head, and shielding my eyes with the bubbles. He begins undressing, and as he takes off his pants, I peek. There’s his behind. It’s kinda perfect and round. “Wow Johnny... didn’t realize how good your ass is.” I tease him. “I said DONT LOOK!” He laughs, not sure if he’s uncomfortable or truly laughing. He warns me not to look again. I sheild my eyes as he plops in the bath in front of me. I make room for him and we both fit in just perfect. Normally when Dutch and I bathe together, his legs are too long to fully extend them. 

“This is nice.” John avoids looking at me. “Don’t make this awkward.” I stare at him once more. He turns and looks at me. “I’m not!” He argues. “Yes you are!!!!” I argue back. We both go back with our disagreements before we both break out in laughter. “Listen... it pisses me off that Dutch wasn’t by your side.” HES serious now. “Ya.... me too.... but, you were here for me.” We lock eyes. “Thank you again. For all this. For all you’ve done for me.” I give him a smile. I can feel my face heating up. I think it’s the bath being too warm... ya the bath. I inch closer to him. I feel him inch closer too.

We keep it up until we’re right on each other. “Let’s clean up.” He whispers. I nod my head. We both take sponges and wash ourselves. I pour water on my head gently, wincing at the pain I’m feeling right now. “Ow.” I scrunch my face. “You’re bleeding.” He examines my head and then my face. “You okay?” He doesn’t know what to do. “Ya.” I whisper. I feel a small stream drip down my face. I touch a bubble covered hand on my cheek, then examine the damage. The once white bubbles are now a crimson red. John brings the sponge up and carefully dabs it on my head, and wipes away the blood on my face gently. I look at him, watching him, watching his face how he’s so focused on cleaning me. “Hey.” I tenderly say. “Hi.” He whispers back. I move to straddle his lap. I feel his manhood between my legs, he’s as hard as a rock. He looks up at me while pulling his hand through my tangled hair. I run my hands through his soft, dark straightened hair. When it’s wet it gets wavy. “I love your hair.” I watch him. He meets my eyes. “I love you.” He says, just below a whisper. 

I pull his face towards mine, crashing my lips into his with a raging hunger that I’ve suppressed for the longest time, especially since that night we shared when he stuck his fingers inside me. I still think about that time at night when I can’t sleep. When I touch myself beside my sleeping Dutch. 

I begin grinding down into him, wanting him more than ever. “Fuck me already.” I take a breath, grabbing his hair within my fist. He lines himself up with my entrance, plunging into me. I let out a quiet moan . I rest my forehead up against his; staring into his eyes while he thrusts into me slowly and gently. 

He takes his hand and puts it on my breast, and his other hand gripping onto my waist. He digs his nails into my hip, making me let out a too loud moan. “Shhhh.” He says. I drag my nails down his chest, leaving bright red marks. 

As he nears his climax he thrusts into me, picking up the pace of his hips slamming into my core. He goes faster and faster with each push. I can feel the pressure build up in my stomach and down to my core. I grind on him, to the same pace he’s going in and out of me. It builds up for the both of us and the pressure squeezes around his hard on. “Oh my god.” I quietly say. He pulls himself out of me just in time. We are both breathless. “John?” I say. “Ya?” He answers back, still breathless. “I love you, too.” I smile, as does he. “Let’s get back, they’ll be worried.” He rubs my shoulder. We both get out of the bath, drying ourselves off, and putting our new set of clothes on. We leave like nothing happens. I’ve finally gained to be able to walk. Now back to the camp we go with angry Dutch and angry Abigail.

—————————————————————

We ride into camp slowly. The whole way back home was quiet and awkward. Both of us with a soaring amount of sin we just committed. Infidelity. I wouldn’t be able to bear to hear that Dutch slept with another woman, let alone flirted. He was always one with the ladies. Able to coax them and talk to them in ways you couldn’t imagine. He was a smooth, sweet talker. I remember when I came into the gang for the first time. Abby just had Jack, and I was entered into the life of criminality. Ever since, I’ve spent my whole life runnin. From guilt. From pain. From a whole shaken world that was turned upside down. Until I met Dutch Van der Linde. At the time he was with a tall, beautiful, red haired Irish woman named Molly O’Shae. As I met him, and her, they were almost engaged. That never happened, as Molly betrayed him. She used him and she was a spy. I’ve never seen him go into such a rough patch in his and my life. I was just at the edge of 17, almost 18. Yes, Dutch could be my father, he’s that much older than me. But I love him with every ounce of my being. I would DIE and KILL for him. I know he does the same. 

“Hey... John?” I whisper to him as we near the camp. “Yuh?” He answers. “Let’s not make this awkward. And let’s not make it obvious. That was... the last time okay. No more. No more.” I whisper to him, focusing ahead of us. “I know.” He answers back roughly. The exchange was icy. I sigh, preparing to hop off the horse. “There you are!!” Dutch almost speed walks over. “My darling. My dear. Light of my life.” He grabs my hand, helping my off the horse, and then sweeping me off my feet. “Are you okay?” He steps back, looking me up and down to make sure not a scratch was on me. Minus the big chunk in my head that’s been sewed up. “I’m fine?” I’m confused here. “I’m glad! So glad.” He lights his cigar again. Stressed. He’s stressed again. “Dutch whats wrong with you?” Everyone has a puzzled look on their face. “Nothin at all, honey.” He smiles. He has speckles of blood on his white shirt, and dried blood on his knuckles. “What happened?” I look him up and down now, making sure HES fine. “I done killed that son of a bitch that put his hands on you.” His smile never faultered. I looked back at John. He’s just as confused, but he shrugs at me. I walk away from him, joining everyone by the fire. It’s around dinner time. 

—————————————————————  
8 weeks later

Everyone is around the fire enjoying their time. Javier strums his guitar, preparing for a song. I haven’t sang for awhile. Everyone looks at us two ready to enjoy the nights tunes. He begins the beginning cords to “God’s Gonna Cut You Down”.

“You can run on for a long time  
Run on for a long time  
Run on for a long time  
Sooner or later God'll cut you down  
Sooner or later God'll cut you down...” 

Everyone stomps to the toon clapping their hands to the beat. 

“Go tell that long tongue liar  
Go and tell that midnight rider  
Tell the rambler  
The gambler  
The back biter  
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down  
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down”

Everyone joins in to the last verse to the song lyrics 

Everyone: “Well my goodness gracious let me tell you the news  
My head's been wet with the midnight dew  
I've been down on bended knee talkin' to the man from Saint Denis  
He spoke to me in the voice so sweet  
I thought I heard the shuffle of the angel's feet  
He called my name and my heart stood still  
When he said, "John, go do my will!" “

I point to John at the last part. 

John begins now: “Go tell that long tongue liar  
Go and tell that midnight rider  
Tell the rambler  
The gambler  
The back biter  
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down  
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down”

John points to Dutch now.  
“Well, you may throw your rock and hide your hand  
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man  
But as sure as God made black and white  
What's down in the dark will be brought to the light”

Dutch points to Arthur:  
“You can run on for a long time  
Run on for a long time  
Run on for a long time  
Sooner or later God'll cut you down  
Sooner or later God'll cut you down”

The next verse gets handed back to me.  
“Go tell that long tongue liar  
Go and tell that midnight rider  
Tell the rambler  
The gambler  
The back biter  
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down  
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down”

I yell “EVERYONE!”  
Everyone all joins in now.  
“Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down!!!!”

Everyone joins in with a laugh. “Goddamn my woman can sing.” Dutch let’s out a big belly laugh. I feel the love radiating off of everyone, and the enjoyment of that song brought us all together once more. Everyone has been so distant lately. Abigail gets up laughing. “I’m gonna go check on Jack, y’all.” She walks over to the tent. Soon the laughter gets interrupted by a horrified, broken screech. We all stand up, mostly everyone drawing their guns. “Abby!” John gets up and runs to the tent. “Noooooo!” She lets out a cry. “FUCK.” Everyone runs over to the tent. “What’s happening?!” Dutch let’s out. “He’s gone. He’s fucking gone!” John is full of rage, yet full of sadness. Everyone let’s out their own strain of words. “Where is he?!” I begin to panick. “Whoever it was they left this.” Arthur has what looks like a note in his hands. “Where the fuck is he?!” Tears begin to well up. I’m not sad. I’m full oh god damn anger. My boy is gone. He’s gone. Nowhere to be found. What if we never see him again? What if he’s dead? I lean up against a tree. I swing around and full force punch the trunk. “No. No. No!” I begin to cry. Abagail is in pieces, clutching onto Johns chest, slowly hitting him over and over again. Everyone is in distress now. Everyone is angry. 

“Wheres my son?! They took him didn’t they? They TOOK my son!” Abigail rushes towards Dutch. Everyone is angry. Arthur hands the piece of paper to Hosea. He stares at the neat signature on the bottom of the paper. “We think the Braithwaite woman took him.” Hosea points to a nonexistent woman “We need a plan. A goddamn plan. Everyone calm down.” Dutch raises his hands. “You’re telling US TO CALM DOWN WHILE MY SON IS GONE? JACK IS FUCKING GONE!” John steps up to Dutch screaming in his face. “Son, we will get him back. He’ll be okay. They want something from us.” Dutch puts a hand on Johns shoulder. He quickly slaps it off. John is pissed. “Our boy is gone. What did YOU DO DUTCH. WHAT DID YOU DO?!” I get up and yell at him from the trunk I just hit. My hand is throbbing, bleeding at that, and so is my head. It’s filled with anger, sadness, and bad thoughts. I feel like killing somebody. Strangling somebody. I’m ready to kill anyone who put their hands on my boy. Our boy.. he’s gone. “ I didn’t do NOTHIN.” Dutch glares at me, while everyone glares at him. We are all ready to pounce. I hop on my horse, and everyone follows suit. (The regular gang)

“Let’s go get that boy back!” Dutch yells out. “We’ll get him back. I promise.” John cries out to Abigail. She stands there with Tilly and Miss Bradshaw. We leave them behind. 

—————————————————————

We rode full speed ahead to the Braithwaite manor. At the end of the long path leading to the house, there’s a small shack with a tiny light on the side. We all left our horses hiding in the trees, while we all gather behind the small shack. “Quiet, were going to fix this right now!” Dutch yells out quietly, but loudly at the same time. We all prepare for a storm of bullets coming ahead. “Come on. Let’s go fix this!” Dutch holds two revolvers on each side of his head, ready to fire. We all follow suit. 

Next thing you know we’re running towards the manor, bullet after bullet whiz past our heads. Nobody got hit yet. Since I’m the best shooter of the gang, I knock one man after one man down. Shot between the eyes. There’s screaming and hollering coming from both parties. We kill all at the entrance and then we continue to bust the door down. 

We all stand at the entrance, cautious for more men to come. “Get in there! Find Jack! And FIND THAT BRAITHWAITE WOMAN!” Dutch screams at the top of his lungs. We all split up in our separate ways. I carefully check all behind me and to my sides to make sure nobody is around me. I can hear doors being busted in around me from the other gang members. I forcefully shove a door open, only to find two men hiding behind a knocked over couch. “Jack?!” I yell over gun shots. The two men in the room get shot one to many times but my trusty revolvers. We checked all of the rooms. We are all spread out throughout the home. No sign of Jack anywhere. John and I take the top floor deck. There’s more men coming from outside. The house is almost surrounded. None of our men have been touched by bullets. Only small grazes across our skin. I hear a bullet whiz past my ear, going through the window pane. Lucky me. But not lucky them. We kill all the men one by one. I hear Arthur yell for Dutch. “FOUND ER.” He screams. I walk in the house, only to find Dutch grabbing the woman by the hair. She’s dressed in fatigues. She must’ve been sleeping before we arrived. 

Dutch drags her down the stairs by her rats nest of hair. She’s screaming and struggling to get out of his grip. John and the rest of em were instructed to set the house ablaze. A man comes out, he’s clearly on fire. He looks like he’s been hurt, shot in the stomach. He’s dripping blood everywhere. Dutch has dropped her on the floor. “You got that one Arthur?!” Dutch yells over the burning house. “No. Let me.” I step up. I pull of my revolver again and cock it back. I stare the woman in the eyes. She terrified. The looks I give, do kill when I’m set on it. As I stare into her eyes, I shoot the man in the skull. His head almost explodes. “MY Son!!!!!! N0!” She screams out in agony. It almost broke my heart. But there’s no heart there to be broken. Right now, I have nothing to feel but burning anger. And a burning desire to kill. 

Dutch snatches her up once more, carrying her old body outside. “Where is the boy?” Dutch is spitting fire out with every word. “You are nothin but filth. You damn Yankees.” She lays on the floor. “WHERE IS HE?!” He yells again. “My boys took him to Angelo Bronte. So my best bet is in Saint Denis.... or on the way to Italy.” She looks up at us all. Nobody says a thing. “Let’s go.” Dutch begins walking away. The rest follow but Arthur and I. “What do we do with her?” Arthur says. “Just leave her.” Arthur and I look at each other, unsure, but we leave her behind. I turn and look back the Braithwaite woman runs into the burning house crying out in agony. Guess she’ll go down with the house.


	8. Baby?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING

“What the hell are we supposed to do now, Dutch?” I stand pacing around the fire. “I don’t know. I DONT know. We need a plan. A new plan.” Dutch has his hands clasped together. John is silent. He hasn’t said a whole word since we left the manor. “I’m tired of these plans Dutch. We shouldn’t have taken all that liquor.” Arthur has a cigarette in his mouth, taking long puffs. “This is a fucked up situation.” I drag my fingers through my tangled hair. Suddenly, John gets up out of his seat, walking away from the group. “Son? Where you goin?” Dutch was confused, as was everyone else. He doesn’t say a thing. “John!” Dutch yells out. He keeps walking away. “I’ll go deal with it.” I kick the dirt up, leaving the group after John. 

“Hey!” I tap John on his shoulder. We are a little ways from the camp. “You okay, Johnny?” I try to search for his eyes in the dark of the moon light. “My son... is gone. They took my god damn son. HE DID THIS.” He raises his voice, pointing towards the camp, causing me to jump slightly. “John, we’ll get him ba-...” he cuts me off. “Right. Cause you’re on his side. Always on his side. We’re not getting my son back. If it wasn’t for Dutch and his stupid decisions Jack wouldn’t be gone.” I can hear the anger and sadness within his voice. It makes my heart ache a little, but I know we will get our boy back. “Stop. Stop this bullshit. What else is this about. This isn’t just about Jack anymore.” My fists clench at my clothes. “It’s.... nothing okay. Get away from me, will ya? It pains me to be around you right now.” He’s leaning up against a dead willow tree, not facing me. “But Johnny, I only want to help.” I begin to step towards him, my hand out reaching for his. “Well DONT, okay? Go help Dutch.” He almost spits his words at me. Or so it seems. I huff at him, turning on my heel. I stop mid step forward. “Don’t come to me for nothin.” I spit back to him with venom. I hear him huff, he’s fucked up. And he knows it, too. Hot streams of tears trail down my face on the way back to the camp.

—————————————————————  
*chills by June*  
We haven’t seen John for the rest of the night. Everyone disregarded him like he was never there. Even Abagail, except she was rocking herself, crying, all night long. 

Dutch gave us the plan, all with what we were about to do the next day. I yawn with boredom, ready to sleep. If I can. I take myself to bed. 

My mind has been racing all night. Was I the one in the wrong with John? Was it something I did? No. It was him. He pushed me away. Right? Yes. He did it. But I can’t help but think... what if he leaves by himself? What if he gets himself killed? No.. he’s not that stupid. God I can’t sleep. I’ve been tossing and turning all night. Dutch seems to be fast asleep, lightly snoring. I sigh, sitting up in bed. I run my fingers through my tangled hair. “What’s on your mind, darlin?” I jump a little. I put a hand on my chest, breathing heavily. “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to scare you.” Dutch is awake. “You can’t sleep either?” I say quietly. “Not much, no.” He sighs as well. He adjusts himself to where his elbow is propping him up on his side. “I’m worried about the boy.” He speaks up. “Which one?” I stare at him; studying his features. Boy, he’s handsome. “Both of them.” He goes quiet again. I don’t know what to say. “Was I in the wrong? Did I do something?” He speaks up once more. “No offense, but yes. You fucked up Dutch. I know you know that. You usually can’t sleep when you feel guilty.” I don’t look at him. “At least you’re honest.” He chuckles quietly. “Hey... look at me.” He turns my head. “I love you. I know I haven’t told you that much... or at all, as of lately.” He stokes my cheek. “I love you too, big man.” I roll over to him, climbing on top of him with ease. I push him back to where he is laying back down. 

I begin removing his shirt- unbuttoning it slowly, revealing his dark, hairy chest. I drag a fingernail down his torso, down to the place he needs me most. God, he’s so easy to turn on. He reaches up with both of his hands, forcefully ripping off my nightgown, ripping it straight down the middle. He moans in the process, revealing my hard nipples. “Baby, I missed you looking like this.” He runs his hands on my sides gently, caressing me with his fingertips, down to my thick thighs. I begin grinding down onto his core in slow circles, picking up my pace ever so slightly now and then. “You keep doing that to your big daddy, I’ll have to pin you down and fuck you.” He snakes his hand around my throat, bringing me down, so he can whisper in my ear. I moan in response. I take off my nightclothes, and then his. He’s harder than a rock. I climb off of him going onto my side, facing him from an angle. I slowly spread my legs, revealing my puśsy. He slowly got up, ready to dominate me. He made a low growl. Fuck, I love when he makes that noise. I love him now more than I ever have. Naked and vulnerable in front of me, and I the same. He’s always loved my body. My curves, my scars, my everything. He’s always been perfect to me, too. Even on the days I want to run away from him. I always come back... because I love him. 

He climbed on top of me, wrapping his rough, calloused hands on my neck again, tightly, but gently. Just the way I like it. He lines himself up between my wet, throbbing folds. His voice is just above a whisper when he says, “I know you’ve been lying to me. I saw you. I saw how he shoved his fingers into you. I saw how he grinded up against you, aching to shove himself into you like me...” Well fuck. He thrusts into my pussy with force, with hatred, with dominance. “But baby... I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It happened and...” he removed his hand from my throat, now covering my mouth to shut me up. “But I liked watching you get finger fucked by your best friend. I liked the way that boy wanted to fuck you like there was no tomorrow. My cock throbbed to watch him take you.” He thrusted inside me again, harder this time. “What do you have to say for yourself, honey?” Dutch removed his hand, taking it down to my clit, rubbing it in little circles. I couldn’t say anything. I was shocked, yet so filled with pleasure. “I said, what do you have to say for yourself? Did you like it? Did you like him finger fucking you?” His voice is getting a little loud. I know somebody had to hear him. “Yes. I fucking loved it, baby.” He took me by my hair, and spun my around. Now I was on all fours. He grabbed my hair from behind, pulling it tightly. He smacks me on my ass. That’s gonna leave a mark. 

“You’re my girl, and my girl only. You will love me and just me. I might let you fuck him again. I know about that, too. I’ll make him watch, to show him who’s boss. To show him you’re my baby girl.” He smacks me on my ass once more, moving himself into my pussy again. He picks up his speed right away, thrusting in and out in a violent fashion. Guaranteed somebody hears skin to skin slapping repeatedly. “You like that? You like when I fuck you like this?” He moans between his words. “Mhmm.” I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to come. God, I love when he gets like this. “You better speak up. For the love of god speak up.” Dutch clutches my hair again. “Yes I fucking love it daddy. Oh I fucking love it so much.” I was never surprised when Dutch made me call him daddy for the first time. His ego gets the best of him. And my daddy issues got the best of me. I’m about to wake the damn camp up. I’m surprised he had this much stamina. I’m not even doing anything, and I’m already exhausted. 

“Baby... I’m gonna...” He picks up his varying speed again. “Come, daddy.” I feel his cock twitch inside of me, with a warm release of his seed. We are both out of breathe. I turn around to look at him, my ass still in the air. “You didn’t think I forgot about you?” He quickly flips me around onto my back, spreading my legs wide apart, revealing my dripping pussy. He dips down, licking my slit up and down, cleaning the mess he left behind. “God that’s so fucking good baby.” I take hold of his dark curls, gripping them in between my fingers. I elevate my hips, moving them up and down faster, to get his tongue to go faster against my clit. “Fuck baby! I’m gonna come!” I grind against his tongue faster, and he matches the pace. I begin to tremble slightly as my core throbs with ecstasy. I drop my hips and let go of his hair. He looks up at me, his chin dripping with both of our cum. “Marry me?” He speaks up, wiping his chin. “What?” I sit up. “‘Marry me, honey.” He stares at me with the moon filled room. “I... uhm... I’ll be back.” This is what I’ve been wanting to avoid. I love Dutch, but can I commit to this? I can’t just run away from my problems. But here I am, doing it again. The problem.... is Dutch himself. “Baby?” He sits up, watching me snatch his shirt, throwing it on, and him watching me leave, barefoot and exposed from the inside out. 

—————————————————————

I went outside and peed. After, I paced around, back and forth, scratching my head. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I stop, looking up at the moon between the trees. “What’s going on?” The raspy voice I love spoke up. I gasp slightly, shooting to look at John. He opens his arms wildly. I run into them, taking in his scent.  
“He wants me to marry him.” I see Johns face drop, almost looking ghostly pale in the moonlight, more than he usually does. “What?!” He quietly screams. “I- I don’t know what to do, John. I don’t.” I pull at my hair, pacing again. He comes at me, reaching out, and stops me in my tracks. “Don’t do it. Run away with me.” He searches in my eyes for some kind of answer; like it will solve everything. “Who are you to tell me? You LEFT. Again. I was fucking worried SICK because of you. AGAIN. You have a WIFE and a SON, John Marston. How fucking DARE you.” I poke at his chest over and over again with blinding anger. But John doesn’t budge at all. “I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have DONE that. I was angry. I was angry at Dutch. I was angry at you, and I was angry at the people who took my son. I didn’t know what to do, but push everyone away. I deserve this. I don’t deserve your love. All I wanted was for you to LOVE me back. I love you okay.” He searches for an answer somewhere in my eyes. I’ve got nothing for him. “I do love you. But now... I don’t think..” I stop before anything else comes out. He stands there, swaying back and forth a little bit. “You know what?” I cock my arm back with a fist and connect it to his nose. “Goodnight, Marston.” I walk around his drunken body that’s now on the ground, moaning in pain. I leave him, wondering what more I could’ve said; but not once did I regret socking him in the face. It felt good. 

After I cleaned my feet off, I walk inside of the room shaking the hand I punched John with. It aches. “Are you okay?!” Dutch gets up out of the bed, he’s clothed again. “Ya...” I hesitated. “What happened darlin?” He examines me, then picks up my hand. “I uh... punched John. In the nose.” I don’t bother to take a look at Dutch, because I know he’s angry now with his ill-tempered-self. What do I say? What will he say? “It’s about time.” He snorts. “Excuse me?” I slowly snatch my arm away. “Well... somebody had to knock some sense in the boy. Better you than me, I reckon.” He shrugs. “I can’t believe you.” I shake my head in distaste while clambering into bed. “Wa-Whaat?” He throws his hands down to his sides. “Nothing, Dutch. Don’t bother, or else you’ll be laying in the dirt upset and in pain like John.” I throw myself down in my pillow. I feel him slide into bed next to me. “You know... you never answered my question.” He sits up again. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. Let me sleep, Van der Linde.” I huff air out of my nose. He sighs in an irritated fashion. I feel him plop down and turn away from me. He doesn’t say a word more and neither do I. 

“John MARSTON. Are you DRUNK?!” None other then Abigail herself knows how to wake up an entire camp. “Shut IT.” John replies back drunkenly. “YOU SHUT UP MARSTON.” Arthur calls out. After that, the entire camp is still again.


	9. Early Goodbyes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of miscarriage
> 
> (I know how this is described in the story isn't too realistic.)

*i can’t carry this anymore plays*  
It’s bright and early when I awake. I hear movement and laughter outside, followed by many birds chirping away. I wish it was a nice morning. But now, I have to face two men I want to avoid. Both of them I love, but both of them, I hate at the moment. Sure, Dutch didn’t do anything to me, but he did. He asked me to marry him. There had been talks before, but he knows I don’t want that right now. He knows I’m scared of that type of commitment. But deep down, I feel as if it’s not right. I feel as if it’s not him I should be marrying. It’s the one that I possibly broke his nose last night. Shit. I sigh, throwing the covers off of my body. I feel warm... and sticky. Immediately, my heart drops at the thought. “Please... no... no...” I speak to myself, slowly touching between my legs. I look down, seeing nothing but a bloody mess covering my thighs and the sheets, and now my hand. I move up the bed, only to find a small sac. Tears immediately form in my eyes. Who’s was it? Johns? Or Dutch’s? It doesn’t matter now. I lost my baby. I scream in horror, sobbing, clutching the small, dead sac of life in my hands. “NOOOO! Please, noooo!” I rock back and forth. Suddenly the door swings open. I see the faces of Dutch, John, and Arthur, white with horror. They stare at the bloodied mess that covers every inch of me. “It’s dead.” I look up between tear soaked lashes. Dutch runs to my bedside, clutching me into his arms. “It’s okay baby. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” I hear his voice slightly crack. He holds me with the strength, and weakness, of a father who just watched the mother of his dead, unborn child’s world shatter in a trillion pieces. A new wound to add to the list— Except this one... will never heal. I look up above Dutch’s arm that is clutching around my head, to see John’s eyes dead, and cold, yet they are crying without him knowing. Beside him, Arthur, putting his hat above his heart, sadness in his eyes. The rest of the gang jammed inside the doorway to see what was happening. Each and every face filled with horror. Something they have never seen before. The sounds of my shreiking fill the air, like the whole world could hear it. “Shhh.” Dutch smoothed my hair. He’s trying his best to hold himself together, because if I can’t, he’s going to have to try. For me. For the baby. 

“Get out of here everyone! Go!” Miss Grimshaw and Abigail move everyone away out of sight. “That means you too, Dutch.” Arthur says, walking to the bedside, trying to pry him off of my still sobbing form. “No! I am not leaving her side!!!!!!” He yells with hurt, the hurt of loss. “She’ll be okay.” Abigail whispers to him, putting her hand on his shoulder to ease him away. The men leave the room. John looks through the doorway once more before Miss Grimshaw shuts him out. 

Again, was it Dutch’s? Or John’s? I‘ll never know.

—————————————————————

The ladies clean me up, and everything else at that matter. I had wrapped the baby sac in a black, silk handkerchief; I never let it go. The two woman kept asking if I was in pain , or if I was feeling okay. Many questions were asked. “Did you know about it?” Or “Did you feel like you were?”. No. I knew of nothing. “I know miscarriages can happen when you are under a lot of stress. I know you have been under an immense amount lately.” Abigail sits beside me on the stripped bed. The mattress has a big oval of new and old blood. Knocking had been at the door for a good hour now. I don’t want to leave the room. “We need to bury the baby, Sheyanne.” Miss Grimshaw grimly says to me with tired, sympathetic eyes. “I... I can’t.” My eyes tear up again. I can take a life so easily now these days. My first kill with the gang was tough, it haunted me for weeks. I could never sleep. But it got easier and easier. But this, this is a hurt and pain nobody can ever imagine. “Let me in.” Dutch knocks on the door again. “Let him in.” I say quietly. Abigail lets him in. He almost knocks her over with the door, from pushing it in. “My darling. My sweet, baby girl. I’m so sorry.” His eyes tear up. This big bad gang leader is showing his raw emotions in front of his gang, something nobody thought they would see. I have before, but not like this. This is extreme hurt. “My baby.” He cradles his hands around mine with care. A tear drops from his eye onto my arm. “It’s gone.” I look into his eyes, losing it, sobbing once more. “I know, honey. I know.” He shakes his head, then kisses me on my cheek. 

—————————————————————

“What about out front?” Abigail speaks up. We are trying to find a place to bury the baby. “That’ll... work.” I don’t look up from the small sack in my hands. All eyes have been on me for the past hour and a half. “Stop. STOP LOOKING AT ME!” My outburst was uncalled for, but it’s acceptable. My rage and sorrow got the best of me so much at the moment, that I didn’t realize I was sobbing. Everyone in the camp was frozen silent. “Sorry, Miss Sheyanne.” Hosea stood up, putting his hat over his heart, as did the rest of the men wearing hats. “I’m... im sorry guys. I’m sorry.” I try to pull myself together the best I can. “Don’t be sorry.” Arthur rubs a hand against my back showing a sympathetic smile. John stands in the back, looking grim. He doesn’t seem to look at me. This could’ve been either his or Dutch’s baby, so all of us are feeling sad today, but right now, it’s about the baby. 

Arthur and Dutch build a shallow grave for the baby, ready to put it down under the cold ground. I hand Dutch the baby, only because it will be too painful as it already is for me to put it in the ground. He looks up at me one more time while on his knees next to the grave. I nod my head, holding back a sob. I feel a pair of hands tug me into their chest. John. He squeezes me tight, and I lose it. I sob in his arms. I take him down to the ground with me. “Take her inside, son.” Dutch’s drained voice speaks out. John scoops me up in his arms, taking me into my room. 

He lowers me onto the bed, setting me down lightly. I hiccup, tugging him down to me as he tries to pull away. “Please stay with me.” I look at him through puffy eyes. “Okay.” He nods, lowering himself into bed beside me. 

It’s quiet for awhile until he speaks up. “It could’ve been mine... or his.” He holds me, petting my hair. I stopped crying by now... I feel like I don’t have anymore tears left to cry. “You feeling okay, sweetie?” John’s hoarse voice scares me out of thought. I nod. I mean I’m not, but at the moment it’s sound inside. I look up at him with swollen eyes. “Dutch knows.” He quickly looks at me, his body flinching slightly. “What do you mean?! Did you tell him?!” He let’s go of me briefly. “No! He saw everything that night. He knows about the bathhouse too. I told him nothing. I told nobody of it. He just has a way of finding things out!” I sit up a bit, staring at him. “He’s going to kill me.” He runs a hand through his black hair. “He won’t. In fact... he liked it.” I shudder a little bit, but in a good way. “Really?” He says it more as a surprise than a question. I nod. “He still didn’t like the idea much because apparently I’m his ‘property’, but he won’t hurt you.” I shrug. He looks like the world and more was lifted off him. He lays with me until the sun began to set. Dutch has been gone since I last saw him when he buried the baby. He left. Again. They always leave. 

—————————————————————  
*will he plays*  
The next day was a very glum one around the camp. It was quiet. Only giggles. Not true laughter. Everyone was confused. Jack was gone and now this.

“Is it my fault?” My voice is just above a whisper. “Of course not.” John whispered in my ear. We were in the back, the place where we shared our first kiss. Seems to me that nobody knows about this place. They just never bothered to look. He wrapped his arms around me as I lean into him. “Who’s do you think it was?” I spoke up, looking into his eyes. “I don’t want to think about that right now.” He stared into my eyes. “I don’t believe that.” We inch closer, then looked away in unison. I could hear him breathing heavily. “Do you truly love Dutch?” I pull back from John. Confused. “Of course I do? Why would you ask me that?” He wasn’t too sure why he asked that either. “You know, my nose still hurts. The other night I had a little too much to drink after Jack was taken. I was hurting so bad. I was confused. Because of him, and because of you. When you told me he asked you to marry him... it broke me even more than I already thought I could.” His eyes became misty. I caught a tear as it came out of his eye. I took his face in my hands. “Trust me. I’m hurting, too. And confused. And angry. Everyone knows I’m terrified of that big of a commitment. It’s just the fact of I’m not too sure if it should be him I should be marrying.” We search each others eyes for a short moment. “I will always love you, no matter what.” John grabbed my head and crashed into my lips, hungrily and full of a need stronger than ever. I felt different with John than I did with Dutch. Dutch was a demanding, yet gentle, yet forceful lover. Whereas John was all love... gentle, gentle love. It was the best of both worlds for me. Yet, it was completely different. And wrong in a twisted way. 

We were so caught up in eachother that we never heard footsteps coming our way. We pulled apart quickly at the sound of a throat clearing. Shit. This is it. We stare at each other, prepared for what comes next. “Well, this is something I knew that was going to happen eventually.” Arthur takes a drag of his cigarette. “Your wife is looking for you, boy.” We both sat there shocked, red in the faces, still gasping for air. “I’m sorry.” John got up and hurried away, back to his wife. 

“I-I can explain, Arthur.” I stood up, ready to give an explanation that would’ve made no sense. “Save it.” Arthur put a hand up. “Sit down, honey.” He walks towards me, sitting next to me on the bench. “What is goin on here, Sheyanne?” He adjusts himself, raising his eyebrows. He has understanding in his eyes. “I’m so lost Arthur. I’m so lost.” I cry out as I throw my head into my hands. “Well. I’m not suprised at this at all. You know I see things. I see the way you two look at eachother . I see the way you and Abigail look, and I see the way John and Dutch look. This is a god damn mess.” He takes a drag of the cigarette. I can’t speak up. He sighs. “Listen, does Dutch know about this? What is happening here? You can tell me. You know your secret is safe. Always.” Arthur has always been the dad I never had. I know he won’t say anything but I feel ashamed. We were clumsy, and we got caught. We’re just lucky it wasn’t Abigail or anybody else. I sigh, looking up at him. “John and I have always had these feelings. Except he got married to Abigail, and had a baby with her. Not me. There’s always been a weird tension between all four of us.” I take a moment. He rubs a hand down my back over and over again. Comforting me to continue. “Dutch knows. He’s always known apparently. He saw when John and I did something in the woods awhile back. He knew about the time John and I had sex when he took me to the bathhouse when I had the glass broken atop my head and I was too weak. He just figures things out. I just... Dutch asked me to marry him, Arthur.” I stare at him, tears streaming down my face. The feeling is all too overwhelming saying it all out loud. “I love them both. But... I’m lost. That baby we just buried could’ve been John’s or Dutch’s. I don’t know!” I’m sobbing now. “Jesus.” Arthur sighs, pulling off his hat. He wipes off the sweat from his brow. “What do you want to do? I know you don’t like that kind of thing right now. This is all a mess, ain’t it?” He chuckles, but with sadness. 

“I don’t know. I just wish I can run away. Or bury myself, and be done with it. But I can’t run away from my problems anymore. I can’t!” I get up and start pacing around. I run my hands through my tangled hair. “You do what makes you happy, darlin. If you’re happy, I am too. We all are.” He stands up and stops me. “I’m not happy, Arthur. I’m not. I can’t be with all of this on my chest. I want it to go back before all this started.” I shake my head crying in my palms again. He pulls me into his chest. “Listen. How bout I get you something to drink? Maybe come back with you and talk?” I could hear his smile. “Drink is good. Bring a bottle. But I would like to be left alone.” I pull away, and smile at him. The smile has no meaning behind it. “Thank you for being there for me Arthur.” He hesitates walking away. He turns and looks at me as he gets up, knowing he shouldn’t leave me alone. “Always.” He walks away this time.


	10. Help, I'm Alive.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of Suicide, Self-Harm, and Abuse. 
> 
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Guys please feel free to leave a comment and say what you think! Even if it's just to say hi! :) -SappyDeacon

“Who would even love me?” I cackled. Falling to the floor, spilling my empty bottle on the ground. I was fucked up. I drank two bottles of moonshine. That could kill me. But I was okay with that. I was fine with dying. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore. “Why am I bleeding?” My arms were bloodied up. I finally hit my breaking point. I broke down and cut myself. Badly. I walked around from the back of the house to the front. “Hey Arthur... You told me... to do what.. what makes me haappy!! I’m bleeding I think. I don’t really feel... too... good.” I showed my arms. Everyone started yelling as I fell face first and hit the ground. 

I was coming in and out of focus. “WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HER ALCOHOL. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” A familiar voice screamed. “It was only a bottle, Dutch. She’s not a little girl! I thought she could take care of herself!” Arthur calmly said. ”Well you were wrong! Wake up darlin. Please wake up.” I feel a pair of arms shake me gently. “Fuck!” John, scooped me in his arms. I dangled there, just listening. Ya, I may be drunk, but I still know what’s going on. I think? “Don’t you touch her, boy!” I hear a pair of footsteps get closer and closer. Dutch. “Damn it, Dutch! Stop!” I feel Dutch try to grab me from John. “Let. Her. GO!” It was like a game of tug o war. “STOP, she’s gonna—“ I hit the ground again. Someone dropped me. “Look what you did!” They both screamed. A shot was fired somewhere. “ENOUGH!” Ms. Grimshaw voice rang out. “SHES DYING. YOU TWO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER OR SO HELP ME GOD.” Another pair of womanly hands rolls me over, resting me head gently on her knee. “Sheyanne, honey, wake up. Come on sweetie. Wake up.” 

Things were starting to get hazy. Voices seemed distant. Touch seemed faint. I feel free. I feel as if I’m floating. “COME ON. PLEASE!” Someone is shaking me, but I don’t know who. They are screaming but it sounds like whispers to me. I want to die. I want to. But... this isn’t the time. I can’t. I fight and I fight to open my eyes. But I’m too tired. 

*Dutchs POV*   
*no ones here to sleeps plays*  
“She’s not breathing! Wake her up. PLEASE. I CANT LOSE HER. PLEASE.” Tears stream down my face. My love. My baby. She’s stopped breathing. She can’t be dead. She’s too stubborn to die. She was drunk. She slit her wrists and arms up. Was she hurting that bad? Was she that torn between John and I? Was it losing the baby that made her crack? I zoned out. Everyone was screaming around her lifeless body. John was standing there no emotion left in his body. Face was white, eyes were glazed over. “WAKE HER UP!” I scream and yell over and over again. Susan was doing CPR, pressing on her chest and breathing into her. I never thought this would happen. My hands are covered in her blood. She’s still bleeding. I’m stopping it the best I can. But at this point... I’m desperate. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry baby.” I cry out. 

“SHES GOT A PULSE.” Susan yells out. My head snaps up. “Wake up honey. Wake up okay? We’re all here.” 

*John’s POV*

*crossfire plays*   
I can’t move. I can’t cry. I can’t speak. I can only focus on her lifeless body. Blood streaming out of her arms. I should have never left her. Nobody should have. I was seeing this coming. This has happened once before, but she never stopped breathing. She promised she would never do it again. I think I may be the only one who knows about this. 

Dutch stared at me with tears streaming down his face, yelling for me to do something. But I couldn’t. I can’t. I’m frozen. If I have to go with her, I will. I can’t lose her. Not now. I love her so much I couldn’t bare losing her. I can’t.

The only thing that snapped me out was when Susan yelled she had a pulse. I could move. “Come on, sunshine. Come on.” I grab a bandana and wrap one of her wrists. “Wrap it up!” I yell to Dutch. He does the same. I know she will survive. She always does. 

*my pov*

I take a shallow breath in. But I’m breathing. I think... I died. I really did this time. I promised I wouldn’t do this again. I promised John. I want to speak, to open my eyes. My brain won’t let me. 

—————————————————————

I shoot up, with sharp ragged breaths. The sheets stuck to my sweaty skin, I pull them off. I’m glad it was just a dream. Right? I see Dutch, John, and Arthur shoot up from the side of the bed. “Woah. Guys chill. What’s goin on?” I’m genuinely confused. “Are you okay? Do you need anything, darlin?” Dutch is freaking out. Blood all over his shirt. “I’m fine? I had the craziest dream... why is there blood all over your...” I stop mid sentence. Realization coming back to me. “It wasn’t a dream then.” A lump is forming in my throat. My cheeks feel hot as the tears silently pour out. I breathe, slowly lifting up my arms to look. They are wrapped in bandages. “Oh my... god.” I start to hyperventilate. All three of them are looking at me like a freak. A liability. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID, SHEYANNE? You PROMISED ME THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. We FUCKING LOST YOU. YOU DIED. STOPPED BREATHING.WE ALMOST COULDNT BRING YOU BACK.” Tears streaming down his face, John couldn’t look at me. “I’m... I’m sorry Johnny. I’m sorry.” I broke down even more. “Son, no need for this. Go. Take a breather or get some rest. She doesn’t need this right now.” Arthur, lead him out the door. Dutch looked like he wanted to shoot John in the back of the head. “Again? What is he talking about?” Dutch looked furious. “Dutch, Dont.” Arthur tried to grab him. “No. This has happened before?” He tried to lower his voice. But it still made me jump. “I... I...” I couldn’t speak. “Arthur, go. Get some rest.” Arthur looked at me, eyes asking if I would be okay. I nodded. He nodded back, planting a kiss to my forehead and leaving out the door. 

Dutch huffed out. Seems he was choosing his words wisely. “Why? Why did you do this? This was the STUPIDEST thing you could do. I could care less about anything else that has been going on, but THIS.” His face was flaming. Guess words weren’t chosen so well. 

“I’m not STUPID. I wanted OUT DUTCH. YOU DONT CARE. IF YOU DID YOU WOULD BE HERE FOR ME. YOU ALWAYS RUN OFF. WHEN I NEED YOU MOST YOU ARE GONE. You don’t even love me.” I feel small. 

His eyes bare into my soul with anger. He looked as if he wanted to explode. “If I DIDNT LOVE YOU. YOU WOULD HAVE BLED OUT. If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t be COVERED IN YOUR FUCKING BLOOD. SO DONT TELL ME THAT BULLSHIT. I run away because I am SCARED. You aren’t the only one that’s SCARED SHEYANNE.”   
*monster by Meg Meyers plays*  
I stand up, feeling off balance, and light headed. I lost a lot of blood it obviously seems. I grab him by his collar and pulled him into a short kiss. I pulled away quickly. “I hate you. I HATE YOU. I hate you. I hate you.” I start punching his chest. Choking my words out. He just took it. He stood there and took it. “DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING DAMMIT.” I screamed at him choking on my words again. Tears burned my cheeks, rolling down my face,into my mouth or down my neck. Suddenly, I slapped him. He was as shocked as I was. His eyes glazed over. He grabbed my wrists unknowingly, forgotten the freshly stitched wounds. I try to pull back and winced. “Your hurting me, Dutch.” He stared at me. “Your HURTING ME.” I cry out in pain. His eyes came back to normal. Eyes welling up with tears he began to say he was sorry, but I just got out of the room. “Ow.” I sobbed. “Ow.” I was hyperventilating...I was in pain. Physically and mentally. Everyone stirred from their tent. It had to be the middle of the night. They all stared at me like the day we buried the baby. Like I was crazy. “STOP LOOKING AT ME. PLEASE. Please.” I screamed at them all. They all looked away but back again when they saw Dutch come from the porch, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Come in baby. I’m sorry okay? Come in. I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“Don’t TOUCH ME.” I threw his hand off of me. My bandages on my wrists were bloodied all over again. John came over, broken up inside. You can tell by the look on his face. Half horrified, half so saddened. He grabbed me up. “Baby. Please.” Dutch’s voice cracked. “You’ve done enough for the night.” John’s words were filled with venom. I said nothing. “Let’s clean you up okay?” He whispered in my ear.


	11. Their Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short Smut at the end... Enjoooyyyy. ;)

“There we go. All done. You okay honey?” Ms.Grimshaw looked at me with tired eyes. She cleaned me up for the second time tonight. I nodded to her. Everyone went back to sleep awhile ago, but John never left my side, running circles on my back to calm me down the entire time. Dutch tried to come over again, but he was shooed away awhile ago.  
I’m guessing he went back to bed but I don’t think he will be sleeping tonight. 

There was an extra tent outside that was never used. The floor had many comfortable furs as a bed, with a single lantern. “Will you be okay?” John looked at me as I settled down under some of the furs. “Stay with me?” I whisper. He looked hesitant, but closed the flap of the tent behind him, settling under with me. 

“How much did you hear?” I stared at him. “All of it.” He played with my hair gently. I felt relaxed for the first time in a few days. “I’m sorry. About everything. I know I promised. I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t. I didn’t even realize I did until I looked down. I don’t remember, John.” I lay in his chest, holding onto his shirt. “I forgive you. If you do it again, I’ll kill you myself. I can’t bear to lose you again. None of us could.” I hear him sniffle. Tears were stinging at my eyes. “I love you.” I whispered. “I love you too, sunshine.” He smoothed my hair, kissing me on my head. “I can’t lose you again.” He pulled my face up to his looking in my eyes. Searching for something. I don’t know what. He gently put his lips on mine. Over and over again. “Get some rest, baby.” My heart thumped through my chest. His was racing just as much. I fell asleep to his heartbeat like a lullaby. 

—————————————————————

“Why are you always runnin off to her, and never me? I’m your WIFE, John. She ain’t. I understand she is going through something right now... but so are we. We still don’t have our SON. I’m hurting too.” Abigail’s voice wavered. John sighed, he obviously doesn’t know what to say. He’s torn between the two women he loves. But things have been patchy with him and Abby. This time I know, it’s over. “Where are you going! John! Get back here.” Abigail yells after John. He doesn’t say a word. 

I haven’t gotten out of the tent since last night. I literally had the life sucked out of me, and I just don’t have any energy to move. I felt John get out of bed this morning, he never left my side the entire night. I felt Dutch kiss my head this morning, but I didn’t bother waking up to see his face. Instead I woke up to nothing beside me. I felt cold. Cold in a hot, humid swamp. After the exchange I listened in on between John and Abigail, I really didn’t want to leave the safe little pocket of the tent. I didn’t want to deal with anyone. 

Suddenly the flap of the tent opened up. “Good morning. How are you feeling?” John knelt at the end of the makeshift bed of furs. “I’m fine.” I nodded to him, obviously lying. “No you aren’t. It’s okay to not be okay right now. Yesterday was a lot.” He paused, not knowing what else to say. Things felt awkward. “I heard what she said, you know... don’t feel like you have to take care of me. You should be looking for your son.” I got up, making quick work to put on my boots. “Don’t be like that, Shey. You know it’s not like that.” John sighs out as I brush past him and out into the sunlight. I wince a little at the brightness of the day. “Your up!” Dutch runs up. “I don’t want to talk to either of you right now.” Everyone turns and looks at me. Everyone doesn’t know what to say to me. “Honey, you’re lookin real pale, are you doing okay?” Ms. Grimshaw comes over and puts a hand on my head. “I’m fine.” I gently remove her hand from my head. “Can you help me change these?” I show her my wraps around my arms. She agrees, taking me over to sit down. “Listen, I need to talk to you, darlin. Please.” Dutch puts a hand on my shoulder. “And I don’t want to talk to you right now. I thought I made that clear.” I shrug him off, not paying him any mind. I jump at the sharp pain I feel with the antiseptic on my wrist, making it bleed a little too much for comfort right now. “Ow.” 

“Ooh, I’m sorry honey! I can fix it.” Ms. Grimshaw quickly stops the bleeding. I can see everyone still looking in my direction like I’m a circus animal. A rare sight. I hold it in, even though I want to explode right now. “All done there sweetie.” I smile at Karen and then I head inside to change. 

I hear a pair of footsteps follow behind, not sure of who’s it is. Right as I try to close the door, a foot slides in to stop it from closing. “Hey, wait.” John slides in. “What? Do you need to look after me like a kid? Like I’m a liability? Save it. I don’t need to be watched.” I don’t look at him, beginning to undress. “Sheyanne, please. What did I do wrong?! I’m just trying to understand why you’re-“ I cut him off. “I don’t know what you want me to say John! I really don’t! I told you I don’t need to be looked after. And I don’t need your wife talking out like I can’t hear her. Go tend to your wife. Worry about yourself.” I put my hand to my mouth trying to hold back a sob. “But...” He begins. “Just go. Please.” I whisper to him. All he does is sighs, rubs his head, and leaves. 

I breathe in sharply, sitting on the bed with my head in my hands, sobbing. Why do I do that? They just want to help. No. No I don’t need help. I don’t need to be looked after, wondering if I’ll kill myself when they look away. Wondering if I will rip open my stitches to bleed out again. They should’ve let me die. 

There was a set of knocks on the door. I didn’t reply, but he came in anyway. “Go away, Dutch.” I sob. “Honey. Baby. I’m sorry. For what I did. I didn’t mean to. Okay? I’m sorry.” He knelt in front of me. His face was sad. Looking me up and down, checking me over to make sure everything was okay. “You SHOULDA LET ME DIE DUTCH. WHYD YOU SAVE ME?” I screamed at him. I heard a pan drop outside. Everyone can obviously hear what I’m saying. I don’t care. They should know. “STOP. STOP THAT. Listen to me.” He grabs my face. I look like shit. I know it. Snot running out of my nose, puffy eyes, pale face. I’m a little worse for wear if you hadn’t noticed. “I LOVE you. Okay? I saved you because I CANNOT BEAR TO LOSE YOU. I can’t. I don’t care if you don’t want to marry me right now. We can wait, if that’s something you don’t want to do, I won’t force you. I just can’t lose you.” He began to cry. That made me lose it even more. He pulled me into a hug, crushing my lungs. But it’s okay. I think he’s the one I needed right now. “I love you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that. I just hurt so badly. I didn’t realize I did it, I blacked out and.. and I woke up bleeding. I was drunk and.. hurting so badly that’s what I wanted to do.” My knuckles were white from gripping his shirt. “Please, tell me your hurting. Tell me when you hurting. I haven’t been the best to you lately I know that. I will try my best.” He wiped the tears running down my cheeks, and wiped my nose with his handkerchief. “I love you so much, baby.” He kissed me on the lips gently. 

Suddenly there was another knock at the door. Dutch composed himself, wiping his tears away. “Who is it?” He stood up, swinging the door open. “Me?” Arthur chuckled nervously. “What do you want?” Dutch asked, obviously annoyed. “I wanna talk to little miss here.” They both looked at me. “Come in. Dutch can you leave please?” I said lowly. His face reddened a little. He wanted to protest, but he softened his expression and left closing the door. “How are you angel?” Arthur sat next to me. I shrugged. “I don’t know anymore.” Tears threatened to come out. “I know.” He pulled me into a gentle hug. He smelt of cigarettes and liquor. “I’m never giving you moonshine again.” He chuckled. I laughed back, smiling. “There it is. I don’t like when you aren’t smiling honey. I know things are all kindsa messed up right now. But well figure it out.” He pat my shoulder. “Ya... I guess so. I need to apologize to John. And everyone at that fact. Please don’t think this is your fault because you gave me the liquor. Don’t let Dutch tell you otherwise. I heard him.... blame it on you.” I shook my head, digging my fingernails in the palm of my hands. Arthur didn’t notice. “I know it’s not. Just wished I would have stayed with you to talk. It could have been prevented.” His face went grim. “I don’t think it would have. It would have happened sooner or later.” I look at the floor. We sat there in silence for a moment, listening to the chattering outside. “Abigails pissed, ain’t she?” I finally spoke up, making Arthur jump a bit. “She obviously doesn’t know about what’s been happening, but she’s angry because you and John have that dynamic together. She doesn’t like it. Not one bit.” He shrugs. As do I. “Can you bring John in here so I can tell him I’m sorry for bitching at him?” I stare at him. He giggled, “sure.” 

A couple minutes later, John walks in the room. “Hi.” He says, standing by the door. “Hey.” I faintly smile at him. “Are you... okay?” He hesitates, but comes to sit next to me. “I guess. I don’t know.” I shook my head. I was truly unsure what I was feeling. He took my hand into his, squeezing it. “We all heard you, yellin at Dutch.” My heart dropped a bit. I knew they would hear me but, I disregarded that at the moment. “Ya.” I looked at the floor again. He turned my head under my chin with his fingers. “Don’t think for a second that I would’ve let you die.” He searched my eyes. For anything. See if I was still in there maybe. “I know...” I whispered. We both sat there looking at each other. “I’m sorry.” I whispered again. “I know.” He whispered back. We both moved in, kissing each other gently. But that gentle kiss soon turned into a hungry one. Full of passion. Full of want and need. Like it would be the last kiss we would ever share. Suddenly he pulled back. Both of us were out of breath, feeling like we were submerged under water too long. The hardness between his legs and the wetness between mine, we were eager for each other. To feel like one. He reached up and moved a curl behind my ear. “I love you. So much.” He smiled at me. His eyes were sparkling. “I love you too, Johnny.” I kissed him once more. “You wanna get outta here?” He asked as he sat up off the bed. I nodded in response. 

With protests from Abigail, Dutch, and everyone else, especially Ms. Grimshaw, they thought I wasn’t fit to leave. But we assured everyone I will be in perfect hands. And it was true. We rode into town.

—————————————————————

We arrive into Saint Denise. We book a room at one of the bars. John and I run up into the room, slamming the door behind us. We connect our lips, feverishly, tugging at each others clothes. John pushes me back into the bed, my naked body for his to look at. He is already rock hard, eyeing me like a wild animal watching it’s prey. “Are you gonna stare all day or are you gonna fuck me?” I lick my lips teasingly. “As much as I would love to look at this forever, I can’t.” He lies onto of me, crashing his lips into mine once again. A hearty moan escapes our lips as he immediately lines himself up, sliding into me with ease. “Fuck.” He breathes in my ear. I wrap my legs around his torso, digging my heels into his back. “Oh my god baby.” He slides in and out of my pussy easily from my slickness. “Harder. Please fuck me harder.” He does as I say. He slams into me, our moans filling up the room, probably spilling out into the hall. Suddenly he stops, and grips my hips and turns me around before I can say a word. His hardness lining back up to my entrance, he slides back in. This time he grabs a fistful of my hair pulling on it hard. “Ahhh.” I wince a little. He loosens his grip a bit. “Spank me. I’ve been really, really bad, Johnny.” A low, sexy growl escapes from his lips. His firm hand connects to my ass with a loud smack. He rocks his hips back and forth, pulling my hair and spanking me. “You’ve been really bad. What should we do with you?” He speaks in a deeper voice I’ve never heard before. I like it. I moan out loud, relishing the little bit of pleasure and little bit of pain he’s causing. 

I stop him. Turning to face him. “You okay, sunshine?” He pants out, with a concerned look on his face. “Never better. But... I wanna go slow now. If that’s okay?” I stare at him, soaking the moment all in. “We can do that.” He smiles at me. He lays me back down onto my back, slowly coming atop of me. He puts his cock back in, slowly but gently, and begins to go in and out. We stare each other in the eyes. I take his face into both hands, bringing his lips into mine. His tongue begs for entrance, and I let him in. A small groan escapes his lips, making me melt. 

We both pant, I can tell he’s near his climax. “Should I do it in you?” He pants out, staring into my eyes. I shake my head no. “I don’t want to risk it right now.” I smile at him sadly. He nods his head, speeding up the pace of his hips. Soon he’s smacking into me over and over again. He moves a hand down to my clit, rubbing it in fast circles. With his help I’m close to mine as well. “Cum for me baby.” His voice growls out. I moan, arching my back in ecstasy, squeezing my eyes shut, I begin to see stars and fireworks in my head. I pant out, settling down. He finishes onto my stomach, then falls right next to me. We lie there panting, hand and hand just for a few minutes. 

Those few minutes didn’t last very long when he spoke up looking at me. “Hey, we should get going. We don’t want them to worry any more then they probably are.” We stare at each other for a moment more. I kiss him on the forehead then get up to clean off, throwing my clothes back on. “Get dressed!” I laugh at him. He just stares. “What!?” He smiles at me. “You’re just so beautiful.” I hide my face, feeling my cheeks burn red. “Get dressed, Marston.” I shake my head laughing.


	12. Smoke and Mirrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT AHEAD!
> 
> Some chapters I really don't know what to do to summarize them. So if you are looking for summarizations before you read the chapters, sometimes there just won't be any. I really appreciate the people who have read my story so far, it was a big leap for me to be able to put it out into the world. If there are things that don't make any sense, I apologize because my brain just works way too fast for my fingers, even though I have read through what I have written a billion times. Thank you to all, please comment, even just to say hello. ❤️-SappyDeacon

We trot back into camp, laughing and telling jokes. Only to be met with an angry Abigail. “Oh lord.” He breathes out. I stay silent. Great.   
We hop off, everyone staring as Abigail storms over to John and I. “John. Hey, John.” Her face is red. “What do you want?” He nonchalantly says. “Is that how you speak to me?” She inches closer to him. He stays still. “I guess it is.” He nods his head. Now I don’t understand what’s going on but she’s riled up. “You miserable Scotch sack a shit! Ugh!” She smacks him and turns on her heel, going back into her tent. John wasn’t at all shocked. He raised his hand to his cheek then calls after her. “Nice tongue you got there lady.” He shakes his head. “What the fuck was that about?” I ask. “No god damn clue.” We walk over to where everyone is. Everyone says there hellos to me as I sit down on Dutch’s lap. “Hi baby.” I smile at him, kissing him on the cheek. He’s smoking a cigar. He’s stressed out. I kinda left in a hurry. “Where’ve you been?” He takes his cigar out, staring me in the eye. Red was creeping up into his cheeks. “John and I went out for a ride. I needed to get out of here.” He knows I’m lying. “Hope you enjoyed it. You left in such a hurry, I almost had a heart attack because you done up and left. Didn’t know where you went.” Everyone was loving the events of the day. Relationship problems everywhere. “I’m sorry honey. I won’t do it again.” I smile at him. He’s going to choke me out later, and I’m okay with that. He had a glimmer in his eye, was it lust or anger? Sometimes I can’t tell the difference. 

I took the cigar out of his mouth and took a big drag of it. He just stared at me in a little bit of disbelief. Why am I actin so weird right now? Maybe it’s because I fucked my best friend not only 20 minutes ago. “I’m hungry.” I look around, not making eye contact with anybody. “Dinner is almost ready, sugar.” Ms. Grimshaw explained. “We will speak about this later.” Dutch growled in my ear, nobody else heard.   
“I have a problem here.” Abigail gets up and walks over to me. “Here we go.” Arthur says. “Abigail, enough.” John calls from behind her. “No. We will talk about this right now.” Uh oh. “What’s going on here?” I say. “I should be askin you the same question.” She gets in my face. I sit up from Dutch’s lap, getting ready for an argument. “Excuse me?” We stare each other down. “What. Is going. On. Here? Where did y’all run off to? Huh?” She starts to poke me. “Abigail. STOP.” John tried to grab her arm but she shakes it off. “We went for a ride Abigail. Stop acting crazy. I’m pretty sure none of us want to hear it.” I begin to turn, but she grabs my arm and pulls me back. “Listen, I don’t know who you think you are. Runnin off with my husband. But I’ve had enough. I’ve had it with you.” She points at me, getting into my face. “Okay... I’m SICK of you Abigail. I’ve had it to fucking here. We all have. All you do is fucking bitch ALL day and all night. John this John that. Listen, it’s not my fault your marriage failed, and I get you are hurting. But it’s not all about YOU. Get over yourself for one fucking minute. Don’t you get exhausted from complaining so much?” I cock my head waiting for her response. Her face just fills up with the brightest shade of red, she was ready to explode. She raised her hand ready to hit me. “I wouldn’t do that, Abigail.” Dutch stands up. He sized her up. “Dutch, it’s fine. If she wants to throw hands, let’s do it. You know I love a fight.” I smirk at her. “UGH.” She screams out stomping off. “Thought so.” I turn away. Everyone giggles. “About time someone said something.” Uncle pipes up, everyone followed with laughter. I look to John, but he wasn’t at all laughing. Was he ashamed? Mad? At me?? No clue, but nobody speaks to me like that. If you have a problem you better speak up, just be willin to fight. 

“You’re sexy when you get mad.” Dutch whispers in my ear, bringing me back into his lap. I could feel him needing my attention under my butt. “Arthur, smokes please.” He tosses me the box. “Woah woah woah. What are you doin there?” Dutch grabs the pack from my hand. “Give me the fucking box Dutch.” Everyone’s eyes widened at my tone with the boss. “You don’t get to speak to me like that.” His face reddened, eyes squinting. “I can talk to you however I please.” I whisper in his ear. He practically twitched in his pants, like he was ready to explode. A low growl escaped his lips, causing some eyebrows to raise. I just let out a small giggle, lighting up the cigarette. I needed this. There’s a badder bitch in town. 

—————————————————————

After dinner, everyone was sitting around the fire, except John and Abigail. “Listen, I love liquor, but liquor... doesn’t love me.” Bill says drunkenly. Everyone laughs and agrees. “All that drinkin is gonna make you even dumber than you already are Bill.” I say, causing everyone to erupt in laughter again. “Listen guys, I just wanna say I’m sorry, for what I put you through the other night. There’s just some things going on, I’m not okay, but I have you guys to help. Don’t think you have to tip toe around my feelings, I don’t want that. You know I’m grown and can take care of myself. I love y’all.” I raised my beer up. “To Sheyanne!!!!” Uncle yelled out. “To Sheyanne!!” Everyone cheered out. Everyone broke off into their own conversations, even Dutch, arguing with the group of guys over something dumb. Abigail is in the tent talking with John. I can hear what they are saying. Ya I shouldn’t eavesdrop but, I can’t help it. 

“How we get here, John?” Abigail says. “Same way we end up anywhere...” He probably knows what she’s talking about. “...by annoying the wrong people.” He shrugs. “No. I mean us. This...situation.” There was an awkward pause. He shifts in his seat. “Look... I know I ain’t acted right to you and the boy.” There was another awkward pause. “Guess I can’t make you want somethin you don’t...” She looks at the ground. “It ain’t like that. Life ain’t simple. Not this life.” He says. “I know.” She puts it simply. She grabs his hand. He puts his other free one on top of hers. I felt a pang in my gut. The same pang I’ve always had everytime I see them together. The same pang I’ve felt when they first got together. 

John notices me staring, but she doesn’t. “Anyways I...” He gets up out of his seat. “...best get back to, uh, that thing I was doing.” He gets out of the tent and sits down at the table of guys. She sat there, staring at me, then got up, and closed the flap of her tent, and shut her lantern off. 

I sighed, finishing off my beer, and lighting up a new cigarette. John sits next to me with a sigh. “You think it’s over-over?” I look at him taking a drag. “Yup.” He takes the cigarette out of my mouth and flings it into the fire. “Hey! What the fuck Marston!?” I push him. “That’s bad for you. You know they mess with your breathing, so why do it?” He pushes me back. “I’ll just go get more from Arthur.” I stick my tongue out and get up. “So stubborn.” He laughs. “You need more to drink, I reckon.” Bill almost falls out of his seat. “Yes, but I think you don’t.” I take his beer from his hand, sloshing it down with an ‘ahhh’ at the end. “Baby, I’m going to bed.” I rub my hand up and down Dutch’s arm. “Goodnight to you all. See you in the mornin. Don’t come knocking on my fuckin door if it’s not important, you hear? I will shoot you.” Dutch stands up shouting. “Ya ya whatever.” Says Uncle. I made my rounds for the night and gave kisses to everyone. “Goodnight, Johnny. Get some rest.” I move some hair out of his face, kissing him in the cheek. For a moment he had pain in his eyes. Does he get the same pang I get when he sees me with Dutch? “Goodnight, sunshine.” He smiles. 

—————————————————————

Dutch and I walk into the room, shutting the door behind us. I begin taking off my boots and other clothing to change into my nightgown. Dutch undoes his shirt, and taking off his boots, unbuckling his belt. He looks absolutely breathtaking right now, in the candle light. “What?” I say to him, as he stares at me. If looks could kill. He comes around to my side of the bed as I begin putting my nightgown on. He stops me just as I begin putting it over my head. “What is that I see?” He point to some scratch marks and a hickey on my breasts. “You know what it is.” I stare at him. He grabs the night gown and rips it off of me, throwing it on the floor. “You are mine. And mine only.” His breathing is off. “Is that right?” I bat my eyelashes at him. I trail my finger down his torso, down to his pants. “What is this?” He’s as hard as a rock. “You know what it is.” He raises an eyebrow. He’s ready to pounce. But so am I. “You know... I thought of you while fucking him. He fucked my brains out.” I bit my lip. His face turned red. He didn’t know if he wanted to snap my neck, or take me right there. “Oh yeah? I can fuck you better than he ever... will.” He was close to my ear, growling into it. I slowly but lightly palmed his cock through his pants. “This for me? Just for me? What should I do with it.” I slowly unzipped his pants, pulling out his cock. He was breathing heavily, little moans escaping his lips. I got to my knees, eyeing his cock hungrily. I took a hand, wrapping it around the base. He was long and thick. The way I like it. “Suck it. Suck my cock baby.” He grabbed my hair, leading me towards it. I gently licked the tip, making him shudder with delight. “Hmm, should I tease you or should I take it all?” I looked up at him through thick lashes. “Take it all baby.” He growled out. “I’ll tease you.” I smiled up at him. I gave a few more kitten licks, causing him to moan out loud for everyone to hear. I stood up, taking the rest of his clothes off, and pushed him into the bed. 

I climb over him, kissing him, begging my tongue for entrance. He runs a soft, calloused hand around my tits slowly, but full of hunger. I can tell he wants to hate fuck me so badly. I slide down, kissing his dick. I took him at the base with my hand, and put the top in my mouth sucking it and licking it. I slide him down my throat easily. He grabbed my hair and tries to push me down, so I go back up. “Nuh uh uh. Paitience baby.” I say to him. I start making work of his cock, taking him in and out of my mouth, and jerking with my hand of what I can’t get. At this point he’s twitching, wanting so badly to cum. “Come on baby. Just a little more.” He whines out. I love seeing him so vulnerable. Right in the palm of my hand. I’m in control. “It’s my turn.” I smirk at him while laying down right next to him. He growls, trailing kisses down my naked body. He reaches my thighs, making sure to kiss them both over and over again. Now it’s his turn to tease me. He quickly takes my pussy into his mouth, licking and sucking at my clit, just the way I like it. Up and down and side to side. He does it over and over again. He slides two fingers in, pumping in and out of me while still sucking my sensitive nub. Soon he puts in three, pumping in and out quickly. “I’m gonna cum baby.” He goes faster, and I grip onto his dark curly black hair. I arch my back, one hand gripping the sheets, the other his head. My head explodes into fireworks. He looks up at me, my own juices dripping from his chin and fingers. “I always let my lady finish.” He winks at me. “Now lick my fingers.” He brings his three fingers up to my mouth. I keep eye contact as I suck his fingers off, making him moan out a little too loud. “Yeah that’s right. Suck it all off you dirty girl. That’s my good girl.” He licks his lips eagerly. 

He gets up and pins me to the bed, my hands above my head. He lines his cock up to my entrance, immediately shoving it in. “Ohh my goodddddd.” He throws his head back. “Fuck. Fuck me.” He begins going slowly but picks up his pace a little. My hands are stil pinned above my head, his other free hand snaking it’s way around my neck. “Now, you have been a very bad girl. Sneaking around behind my back. Thinkin I don’t know. Ohhh I know little girl. I know.” He tightens his grip deliciously. I moan out. He picks up his pace. “Embarrassing me in front of my gang. No no no. That won’t do. But you’re just too sexy. Your mouth will get you into trouble, little missy. Oh it has. I’m punishing you.” His hips slap into mine harder and harder. “You call me daddy. I wanna hear you say it.” He growls out to me, moaning. “I’m sorry daddy. I’m sorry I’m a bad girl. But I love when my daddy punishes me.” I bite my lip as I stare into his eyes. He re adjusts his grip on my throat. “I want everyone to hear it. I want them to know you’re MINE. Let me hear you.” He lets go of my throat. “I’m yours daddy. I’m YOURS. Oh yes.. fuck me!” He stares at me, going faster. He raises his hand and gently slaps my cheek. “Louder. Louder baby louder.” He moves his thumb down to my clit, rubbing it into circles. I arch my back, wanting to cum again. “IM YOURS DADDY. ALL YOURS.” I yell out. Kind of embarrassing. But I’m sure they are used to it now. “Shut up!” We hear outside. Pretty sure it was Ms.Grimshaw. We laugh a little, but it quickly left. 

“I’m gonna cum baby girl. I’m gonna...” his speed quickens but becomes more sloppy. “Come on daddy. Cum for me.” At that, he releases his seed inside of me, the feeling of his warm cum, and his cock twitching makes me want to go again. But I’m too tired. He pulls out. Kissing me on the lips, he moves back down to my pussy. He slurps you the mess he made. Eating his own cum out of me is the hottest thing. We lie down next to each other, making out. “I love you.” He breathes out. “I love you too, baby.” I smile. We both fall asleep in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some Kudos! 🤠


	13. Jack.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the story gets further and further down, Smut is a very regular thing... so keep up with the reading. 😉 
> 
> If anybody is confused as to how you say the name its pronounced just like Cheyenne and the pronunciation of Shey is like how you say shy. My name is Sheyanne in real life, so I have gone my whole life with people saying it wrong, big pet peeve of mine haha. I'd like to know all of your names if you want, this is a safe space. 🥺 I love the people who have stuck around and continued following the story, if there is anybody out there that has, even if you just stopped by to take a look, I still love you. Thanks! -Sheyanne (A.K.A. SappyDeacon)❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I woke up naked, in bed alone. Two taps on the door made me jump up and cover myself. “Yeah?” I say lazily, still full of sleep. “Can I come in?” A familiar, raspy voice calls out. “Ya. Sure.” I rub my face, still keeping my body covered. “Hey.” John comes in, closing the door behind him. He stops, taken aback seeing me in bed naked. “Oh. I’m sorry.” He shields his eyes. “Oh please, Johnny. Not like you haven’t seen it before. Don’t be modest now.” I shake my head laughing. He drops his hand, staring at my naked form under the covers. The sheets don’t leave much to the imagination, you can almost see everything. He comes around and sits down on my side of the bed. “So... uh...” John scratches his head. “What do you want Marston? Did you just come in to stare.” Laughing, I pull down the covers a little bit to where he can see my top half. With his scratches and hickies, there is more, bigger ones than he left. Dutch made sure to mark me even bigger. “Jesus.” His breath hitches. He stared at my form. “Ya. You know he likes to compete.” I shrug. He reaches a hand up, running a finger down the middle of my torso making me shiver, and goosebumps popping up everywhere. My breathing becomes rapid, but his seems calm. He leans in, kissing down the middle. I moan out gently so others don’t hear. “Why are you in here?” I moan out quietly. “To see you of course.” His kisses gently make me shiver with pleasure. The pool of wetness between my legs wants him to take me, lick me, do something. His pants grew tighter around his cock, the outline clearly there. He takes one of my breasts, and puts it in his mouth, lightly tugging and sucking the sensitive flesh. “Mmm... be careful Johnny. Don’t want Dutch to come in and see us.” I shiver, moaning in pleasure. “So.” He moved over to the other breast doing the same he did before. “You’re so beautiful, baby.” He stops and looks at me. He moves in to kiss me, tongue already begging for entrance. I felt his hand creep down the sheet, fingers feeling the wetness between my legs. He moaned out. “So wet.” He rubs a wet finger around my clit, then dips a finger and then two into my pussy. “Shhhh.” He whispers to me. Then he takes his mouth and moves back to another nipple. Tugging at it. “Fuck. I wish you could fuck me right now.” I pant out. “You wanna?” He looks up at me, through thick lashes. “I don’t want to get caught. But I want to so bad.” He keeps pumping fingers out of me. It feels so good. He slides them out, making me protest. He quickly makes work of his pants, dropping them to his ankles. He rubs his slick hand that has my juices up and down his length, quickly shoving it inside of me. We both moan out a little too loud. We both shush each other and giggle. 

John picks me up off the bed, my legs hooked around his arms, he thrusts into me violently. We both want to moan out so loudly right now, but instead pants come out quietly. He fucks me like that for a minute or so, until he drops me on the bed, turning me around so my face is in the bed, ass up. He grips my hips as he shoved himself back in, slamming back into me over and over again. “Fuck. Cum for me.” I whisper for only him to hear. He snakes an arm underneath me, rubbing my clit fast. I squirm, but soon fall into ecstasy reaching my climax. He follows suit after, shooting it onto my ass. 

He throws me a wet rag, cleaning myself up. We are both out of breath, him dripping with sweat. “Wipe yourself down before you go back out.” He does as I say. “You comin out?” He looks at me. Hunger and lust still in his eyes. I nod. I throw my clothes on and we compose ourselves. Before I opened the door, he turned me around kissing me a couple more times. We smile at each other, then leave outside. 

—————————————————————

“Hello, hello.” I say to everyone. Dutch smiles at me, then looks at John. His face lightly turns red. He knows what was happening. “Can I talk to you my darling. The love of my life.” Dutch says sweetly. “Sure.” I cock my eyebrow. He grabs my hand a little too tightly, pulling me around a tree where nobody can hear. He backs me up into the trunk, getting in my face with a stern look on his. “You’re playing a bad game here missy.” He points at me. “I know you like it, though.” I smirk up at him. That angered him only a little more. “Get out of here.” He pushes me around the trunk. I walk away making sure to sway my hips a little more. I heard a small grunt and then the flip of a lighter. 

“Well, well, well. If it ain’t the little trouble maker..” I sit down next to Arthur, smiling at him. “You took a huge risk, what you did.” He whispers to me. I look at him, eyes wide. “What do you mean?” I say quietly. He looks at me and over across the yard at John. “Come on. Don’t play shy, Shey.” He chuckles. “How did you know?” I say. “Dutch went in to go and get you. He came back without you, and he came back real pissed off. No sight of you or John.” He lights up a cigarette, offering me one. I take it with no complaints. “Fuck.” I rub my face. “You better stop all that nonsense you two are playin. It’ll get dangerous.” Arthur pats my shoulder, getting up and walking over somewhere else. I sat there, alone. 

I see Dutch get up, and walk over to where John is by his horse. “Shit.” I get up and walk quick to where they are catching the beginning of the conversation. “I don’t know what game you are playing here. But I’ve had about enough.” Dutch points at him. “I don’t know what you mean, Dutch.” John seems confused. He looks at me. They both do. “He knows, John. What just happened.” I throws my hands to my side. “That. That game. You don’t forget who you are. Who I am. Know. Your. Place. Marston.” Dutch pokes him in the chest. “Whatever.” He turns away, tending to his horse again. “Jesus Christ.” I say, walking towards Dutch. 

“Dutch that’s enough.” I grab his arm. He turns and stares at me and then at my hand around his arm. “Sure. Whatever you say... darlin.” His face went from hard to soft but back to hard again. “I can’t believe you.” I scoff, shaking my head and heading into the house. 

I gather my things together, putting on my worn out cowboy hat, and slinging my guns to my side. I walk out, Dutch staring at me. “Where do you think you’re going?” He stands up, putting his book down. “Out.” I walk over to Rosie, saddling her up. “No that’s not how it works.” He tries to grab me to stop saddling her up. “Get the fuck off of me Van der Linde. You know I can shoot you dead down.” My face was serious as fuck. His eyes glazed over like the night he grabbed my wrists. He was about to move for me, to grab me, hurt me maybe. But before that I had my gun on his chest. He heard the click and his eyes flashed back to normal. “Try me. Test the waters.” I clench my jaw. He backs up with his hands up. He looked like he wanted to kill me. Everyone was watching the entire thing. “Don’t none of you come after me. Or so help me god.” I jump up into Rosie. Dutch backed up, turning around. “Alright everyone shows over.” He walks back to sit down. 

I left out of camp and headed into Saint Denise. I need a drink. 

—————————————————————

After I’ve had some liquid courage in me, you wouldn’t usually let someone use a gun. But... It’s been awhile since I’ve shot anybody, or used my gun for something. So I decided to take it into my own hands to go get my little Jack back. 

—————————————————————

After a couple of days, it took a lot of convincing to get Jack back from Angelo Bronte. He was treating the kid like he was his own. Which made me very pissed off. I haven’t seen any of the guys around, but I know for sure they are worried. All of them must be. But this was important. I didn’t want nobody in the way. This was something I could do on my own. To show them I’d be fine alone. I took down all of his men, couple of bullet grazes, a lot of bruises and cuts. But it’s worth it all to see my little man again. I told Jack I’d be back, that I’d be out somewhere with “Uncle Angelo”. In reality, I fed him to some gators in the swamp. What can you do. A girl gets bored. 

Soon enough I picked Jack back up, cradling him in my arms. It was the best thing that has happened in some time. Last time we saw him was a couple months ago. He was the happiest, not a mark on him. They treated him well. Couldn’t say the same for what happened to them. 

—————————————————————

It was sun down. Jack and I trotted into camp, laughing and having fun playing I-Spy. “SHES BACK!” I heard someone yell out. “With... JACK. OH MY GOD.” Someone else called out. Everyone got up and ran, meeting us at the horse hitches. “Mommy! I had the best time mommy.” Abigail grabbed Jack, and sobbed, holding onto him for dear life. “Thank you... thank you so much...” She cried and cried, hugging me when I got down. “Woah... uhh you’re welcome.” I nervously hugged her back. Awkward. 

John came up to me, looking me up and down. “Why would you do SOMETHING SO STUPID BY YOURSELF. YOU COULD HAVE DIED.” He gripped my shoulders and shaked me. I didn’t say a word. Instead he just cried as I held him. I saw Dutch at the back of the crowd. He was irritated, but tired. The bags underneath his eyes gave way that he never slept. Same with John. Just about the same with everyone. But the two looked a little more worse for ware. At least they didn’t get shot at. 

Everyone dispersed out, taking turns playing with little Jack. I sat down, taking some layers of clothes off so I can look at my wounds in one of the mirrors outside. “It could be worse.” I snorted at myself. My smile faultered when I saw Dutch come up behind me, looking sad in his eyes. 

“You didn’t tell us where you were... going. You didn’t tell us what you were doing. You could’ve... you could’ve died...” he sucked a sharp breath in. “Save it, Dutch. Save your breath. Go get some rest. I’m home now.” I began dabbing a big graze on the side of my ribs, wincing at the pain. Dutch was still watching. I don’t think he realized he was crying. 

“Hey. I’m okay.” I turn and smiled at him the best I could. He didn’t smile back. Instead he pulled me in a quick hug. “Ow. Ow ow.” He pulls away as I wince. “I’m sorry baby. Why. Why would you that? Alone?” He shook his head. “It was stupid... I know.” I shrug. “How many were there? I’ll kill them all. I’ll kill that Angelo.” He clenches his fists. “I got them all. Also fed Angelo to the gators. He was a little too touchy. Didn’t like the guy.” I smirk. “My girl.” He rubs my cheek with his thumb. He kissed me gently. I probably tasted like wine and cigars. He tasted like cigars and moonshine. “I forgive you.” He kisses my forehead. “They ruined your beautiful face. My beautiful baby. Look at you.” He examined the cuts and the black eye, then examined the bullet grazes and cuts and bruises on my body. “Come on.” He leads me over to the table, Ms.Grimshaw ready to take a look at me. 

She smacks me on the back of the head lightly. I put my hand up to the back where she smacked me. “OW!” I look at her. She crosses her arms. “You deserve that! Runnin off, makin us worry sick, let alone them two fightin non stop. One saying don’t go after her the other trying to leave. Kept goin on over and over. Ugh.” She growls. She was pointing between John and Dutch. I roll my eyes. At least one of them respected my wish to not come after me. Probably John. 

“That wasn’t the smartest thing to do.” John shakes his head. “Ya well, I needed him back. We all did. A boy can’t go long without his mother by his side. Nobody can.” I look at Abigail. We both smiled at each other weakly. I’m thinking about my mom. I miss her. Everyday I do. Hell, I even miss my abusive father. I miss my life, before everything went to shit, before she died, we were happy. I was happy. But this was my life now. Full of death and murder, and stealing. Full of lies. 

—————————————————————

I sigh, snapping out of it when Ms. Grimshaw dabs my face with antiseptic. It hurts, but I’m fine with the pain. Everyone was watching carefully. I began to feel a bit uncomfortable realizing I was in my bra up top, but covered on the bottom with normal clothes still. Dutch noticed me squirm. “Hey hey now. Everyone resume to what they were doing. You’re making the girl uncomfortable.” He stands in front of me. I smile a bit, but he doesn’t see.

She fixed me me up. It’s not bad, nothin I can’t handle. It’s obviously not the worst condition I’ve been in. “I’m going to bed. You all should get some rest too, soon.” I get up putting my shirt back on, but not bothering to button it back up. “He’s home now. We can rest easy.” I smile, walking over to Jack. “I love you buddy. I’m glad you’re back.” I kiss him on the forehead. “I love you too Auntie!” As I begin to walk away, Abigail grabs my hand. “Hey... thank you. Again. Words can’t explain how greatful I am. That you did this. You brought my boy back.” She smiles at me. I nod, kissing her on the cheek. “No dinner, darlin?” Dutch stands up. “No. I’m not hungry tonight.” I smile at him. He knows something is wrong, but he kisses me goodnight and leaves me be. 

I get into bed, sighing. My head lays on the pillow. I silently cry myself to sleep tonight. Everyone has their family back... but me. I’m left broken up inside all over again. Emotions have risen up that I stored deep in my mind. This is my life, this is my family, and I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave Kudos and a comment if you wanna, I don't bite. 😉


	14. On the Defensive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self-Harm
> 
> This is a shorter chapter but things will pick up again. :)

-2 weeks later-

“So what Bill! It’s BLUE.” I yell out. It was after dinner. Everyone was beginning to wind down for the night, some going off to sleep, some scattered around the fire. “Ya whatever.” Bill waves a hand at me. “He’s drunk. Don’t pay him no mind.” John finishes his beer. Soon Dutch walks up, putting his foot up on a log, leaning into it. “Them scars still pretty raw.” He directs it at John. We all look at each other confused. “What are you goin on about now, Dutch?” He ignores me, staring down John. John laughs. “New ones or the old ones?” He stares back at Dutch. “Exactly.” He nods his head. Did I miss something here? What’s happening? “Oh Marston, you are so toughhh with them scars...How’d you get them scars, John? Being tough...” Bill leans forward, letting out a wheeze for a laugh. He’s fucked up. I sit back, taking a sip of my beer wondering what’s going to unfold next. “I ain’t tough. I’m either... stupid or slow and I cannot decide which. Either way. I keep getting caught.” My eyes widen a bit. Dutch scowls at him. Dutch shifts his weight a bit. “We all get caught eventually, John. I guess the trick is to decide by who.” He looks between the two of us. “What do you mean?” John looks at him with his eyebrow up. “Seems like you’ve been getting caught by a few things. Not just wolves and knives.” He’s still scowling. This is Dutch’s game. To break people down bit by bit. He’s never been much a fan of John, because of how close we are. He’s just been cracking down more seriously now that things have been ‘happening’. “Ain’t nothin ever caught me, Dutch, didn’t wanna eat me.” John says. “Well exactly, I think that’s the point.” Dutch used his hands to point at him. John sighs. “Listen... I didn’t get these scars falling over in chruch.” You can tell he’s getting irritated now. “Dutch... this ain’t necessary.” Dutch ignores me again. “Not yet you didn’t.” They stare each other down harder. “Just what do you mean, Dutch?” He spit the question out. 

“Dutch! Get to bed. Now.” I’ve had enough with him tonight. This whole conversation is unnecessary. Dutch takes his foot off the log, sighing. “I guess I should be going to bed. Don’t you be an arrogant son of a bitch, John, you’re better than that...” he begins walking away. “...Love gets us all in the end, you be greatful it got you.” He walks away without saying goodnight. “I’m sorry. I have no clue what has gotten into him...” I finish off my beer, watching Dutch disappear into the house. “The man talks drivel sometimes.” John shakes his head, pissed off. “I guess...” We have forgotten Bill was there the whole time. Lucky he’s too fucked to remember in the morning. “... I wish I had a scar.” Bill leans back in his chair sadly. I look at John. He picks up a small rock, throwing it at Bill. “Ow!” He falls out of the chair. We laugh out loud, chilling for the rest of the night until we part ways. 

—————————————————————

After saying goodnight to the rest of the gang, I head inside to Dutch for the night. I walk into the room quietly, thinking he’s asleep. He’s not. Dutch was reading a book in bed, possibly waiting up for me? “Oh. You’re still up.” I shut the door behind me, taking off my boots and setting my guns down. He doesn’t respond to me. “So it’s gonna be like that. Whatever.” I undress. He sits there just staring at me. “What’s gotten into you tonight? That was quite rude. Im getting real tired of it.” I throw on my nightgown, crawling into bed. “I bet you are. And to think... I put up with your nonsense.” He scoffs out, still looking at his book. “Dutch Van der Linde, don’t think I won’t punch you in the face. I’m not up for it tonight.” I shake my head. “Oh please. You wouldn’t dare.” He spits out. I turn to him, infuriated. Sitting up out of the bed, I get up to go to his side. He stares at me, sort of confused but knowing what I’m about to do. I cock my arm back and punch him square in the nose. “You... you...” He clutches his bleeding nose. “Call me it. I dare you.” Calling me a bitch will only make things worse for him. “Fuck you.” He tries to clean his nose off but the blood steadily pours out of his nose. I grab my things and take them outside with me. 

I sit in the unused tent like I did just weeks ago. I tuck my knees into my chest, silently rocking myself, crying my eyes out as quiet as I could. Holy shit. Did I really just punch him? I never thought it would come to it, but he needed it done to him. Time was up and it finally happened. I look over to my pants, where my knife was hooked on the side. I unsheathe it, ready to cut down my arm, where the ugly wounds are still healing from last time. Just as I begin to stick the blade into the cut, blood draws just a bit. I weep out a little too loudly. Suddenly the tent flap opens, and I see a familiar face. None other than Arthur Morgan. “Put it down. Please put it down.” His face was whiter than a ghost. I shake my head. I’m hysterical at this point. “Sheyanne. Please.” He inches closer to me, hand out ready to snatch the knife from me. I stare at him, and then back to my arm. I dig the knife a little deeper, causing a little more blood to come out, but not enough to my liking. Suddenly, he lunges forward grabbing the knife and throwing it to the side. I collapse into his arms. He holds me close to him, as I start shaking and crying out loud. “Shhh. I’m here. I’m here now. It’s okay.” He smoothes my hair down over and over again. Rocking me gently. “Auntie, why are you bleeding?” A little voice whispers behind Arthur, causing us both to jump a bit. “It’s nothing Jack. Go to bed. She’s okay. Right, honey?” He tries to calm me down. “I’m okay, baby. Go to bed okay?” I try my best to smile at him, still shaking with tears streaming down my face. “Is everything okay? Dear god...” John comes up behind Jack, looking in, seeming like he just saw a ghost. “Go to bed. Now.” He pushes Jack away. 

“What happend?” John tries to come in. “Just go. Go. Leave her be.” Arthur shoos him away. “No... I can’t.” John protests. “I said GO MARSTON.” He snaps at him. John looked like he was shaking, tears forming in his eyes. He nods and leaves, back to bed. 

“Everything will be okay, honey.” Arthur gently says, rocking me. 

After I calmed down, Arthur brought in some things to clean my arm up. “What’s going on?” He says as he wipes the clotted blood away. “I... I punched Dutch in the nose. He was being absolutely cruel tonight, and I... had enough. He was being nasty and I threatened him, and he didn’t think I’d do it but I did and I came out here and I just snapped. He’s gonna kill me.” I start crying again. “Hey hey hey. None of that now. He won’t do no such thing.” He stares at me. “None of them tears.” He wipes away the tears running down my face, calming me down. 

Wrapping up my arm, he gently lays me down. “You need some rest.” He weakly smiles. “You... saved me, Arthur.” My voice cracks. “I’m sleeping in here tonight. And that’s a promise.” He lies down next to me, extinguishing the oil lamp.


	15. Psycho.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Kidnapping and Abuse. (let me know if I should fix these TW.)

*psycho by AVIVA*  
“Wake up, bitch.” Water was thrown into my face. I gasped, immediately feeling uneasy. All I could do was groan. I must’ve been knocked out pretty hard. The room is spinning and the lights are burning into my head. I try to move but I feel ropes around my wrists, tied behind a chair. Everything comes back into focus, and my heart immediately speeds up. I see Arthur on the other side of the room, staring. He was bound just like me, but gagged. “Hey. What the fuck is going on here.” I try to wiggle free, but that doesn’t end up working. I begin panicking. “Now that you’re up... it’s time for some answers.” Milton from the Pinkertons comes from the shadows. He’s eyeing me like a hawk does on weak prey. “What the fuck do you want, Milton?” I still try to wiggle free. “You aren’t going to get out of those. It’s time to talk.” He examines his gloved hand. “I’m not telling you shit.” I spit out on the floor, it landing on his shoe. “It’s going to be like that huh?” He lifts a finger, and two Pinkerton men come out from behind me. Milton nods his head and next thing you know my lip is getting busted. “You give Dutch Van der Linde to me, and we will be no problem any longer. The rest of your little... hooligans will be left alone.” He stares. “Over my dead body.” I get hit in the face one more time. The blow was to my jaw, making me wince in pain. “Come on, now. Don’t be shy. It will be quick and easy.” He smiles at me, causing chills up and down my spine. “I’ve killed your men before. What makes you think you’ll get away with this?” I laugh out. “What will do now? You’re helpless, so is your little lap dog over there.” I look over to Arthur again, not noticing he was bruised and battered up before. My eyes go wide with fury. “Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. You’re a real piece of shit. Scum.” I spit out blood. Smiling I stare him down. “No. That’s what you are. Nothing but a stupid little bitch. A whore. You think your boyfriend will come to save you? Nobody has a clue where you went.” He laughs out. “Fuck you!” I try to loosen my binds on my wrists. A fist connects to my eye, and then another and then another. They repeatedly punch my face, causing me to spit out even more blood. All I taste is metal from my blood coming out of my nose and my mouth. ‘I deserve this.’ I think to myself. “I’ll enjoy getting rid of you.” Milton laughs out loud. “Do you like seeing her like this? Because it will only get worse. She had a beautiful face, what a shame it’s going to get bashed in.” He looks at Arthur, talking to him. He tries to get free, but he’s just as tied up as I am. “We know where everyone is, it would be a shame if we went and killed everyone, even that precious little boy.” He paces around slowly. “Don’t you DARE PUT A FINGER ON THAT BOY.” My words come out like hot knives on skin. I would love to rip this man apart limb from limb. 

“You won’t be alive to see it.” He tips the chair over. My head connects to the ground with a smack. My vision blurred, and my head pounding, I was dazed. A swift kick to the gut caused me to puke all over the floor. Then they do it again, and again, and again. My ribs are probably broken. I scream in pain, tears streaming down my face in agony. I wiggle just a bit, the ropes are a little less tighter. I keep wiggling to let myself more free. “Well, we will be back. Don’t go anywhere.” He laughs out sarcastically. 

I look over at Arthur, he’s trying to get free, but he can’t seem to. Milton and his goons leave out of the door. I wiggle myself out of my bindings, slowly getting up. But I can’t seem too. My ribs are most likely broken. I clench my side with my hand. I scream as I try to get up, tears coming out of my eyes. I’m hyperventilating as I drag myself over to Arthur, finding his knife that is at his side. I cut him free, grabbing his gun. “Oh my god. They will pay for this.” His face is red with fury. I try to stand up, but I can’t. “Don’t move. Don’t move.” He tries to help me up, but I’m in too much pain for that. Soon, we hear the door come open. Milton and his two men sit there, shocked that they saw we were both out of our bindings. They draw their guns, but I was still quicker, shooting the two men down, then pointing my gun at Milton. “Now now, let’s talk about this.” He holds his hands up. “There’s no talk.” I say, clearly in pain. “You won’t kill me.” He steps back. “You don’t deserve it.” Before he could reply to me, I shoot him in the foot. Milton falls over, clutching his foot, screaming in pain. I hand the gun back to Arthur, him sliding it back into his holster. “Let’s get out of here.” He says. He gets me up, and carries me. His face is in better shape and his body is as well. I was battered up. Everywhere. 

—————————————————————

Arthur carried me all the way back to the camp. We had no horse to ride, we had nothin. I was still barefoot and in my nightgown from the night before. We were stolen in the middle of night, after we fell asleep. They must’ve been real quiet and real good at their job to get two of us out of there. Wait till Dutch hears about this one. 

“Arthur? Sheyanne? Oh dear god...” Ms.Grimshaw was the first to notice. “Help. She needs... help.” He collapses with me in his arms, he still never let me hit the ground. “SOMEBODY HELP!” She yells out. “What in earth is going on here?” Dutch runs out from sitting in the porch. “My beautiful girl. Oh no. Oh no, what happened? WHAT HAPPENED HERE ARTHUR?!” He yells out grabbing my body from his arms. “The... Pinkertons. Milton. They took us in the middle of the night.” Arthur was out of breath. The whole time I was in and out of consciousness. “Lets move her somewhere.” Dutch carries me into our room, just about everyone trailing after us. “Everything will be okay, baby. It will.” He growls out. His entire face was red, angry. His eyes practically changed to a carbon black, almost glazed over. He was pissed, but more so saddened at the state I am in. 

Seems lately everyone has had to take care of me. I’m either getting hurt, killing myself, or something or the other. Did I deserve this? No. I can’t think like that. But maybe I do?

I cry out as Dutch sets me in bed as gently as he could. I’m crying my eyes out, blood all over my face. Everyone’s faces seemed terrified. They’ve seen me in a worse state, me dying and all, but this was different. A different kind of horror. This was one of their gang members hurt. When one of us hurts, we all do. That’s just how it was. 

“I’m going to have to cut the gown open. Is that okay?” Susan asks quietly. She may be tough, but sometimes she’s gentle, like a mother to her baby. I shake my head no, because I’m naked underneath, obviously. With everyone surrounding me it’s kinda weird. “We have to honey, we need to look.” Dutch smoothed my hair. “Okay.” I cry out gently. Dutch carefully cuts open the gown covering up my bottom half with the covers. “Oh my god.” Susan puts a hand to her mouth, tearing up. I hear Dutch growl a bit. He wants to rip somebody’s head off. “They did this. To my beautiful girl. They hurt her, they hurt us all. This means war. No more fuckin around.” He paces around. 

I had bruises all over my abdomen, bruises on my face, broken ribs, a busted face. They fucked me up badly. It almost reminded me of when we found John up atop that mountain. I cry out in pain as Susan gently moved her hand over my sides and stomach. “She’s covered.” She says out loud. “What happened, Arthur? Tell us everything.” He sits down, his hands in fists. “They took us last night. I heard a stirring so I got up and looked out, next thing you know I’m being knocked out before I could do anything. They must’ve done the same to her... I woke up before she did. We were tied up to chairs, but I was gagged. They beat me up because I wouldn’t say anything. Because I wouldn’t give you up, Dutch. So they beat me, that’s why I was gagged. They threw water on her to wake her up, because she wasn’t waking up. They tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t, she just taunted them like she would. They busted her lip open, and then they kept hitting her, and hitting her because Milton knew she’s yours. They knocked her over and she smacked her head on the floor and that’s when they kept kicking her....” He put his head in his hands. “I couldn’t help her, Ducth. They made me watch.” He shook his head, tears coming out of his eyes. Dutch shot up, shaking with rage. “And then what?” He stares at him with his hands on his hips. “They left, and she ended up getting out, but she had to drag herself over to me. She cut me out with my knife and took my gun. When they came back in... she shot the two men that beat her.” Arthur’s leg is bobbing up and down nervously. “And what of Milton?” He looks at me. “Shot his foot.” I breathe out. Dutch laughed a bit. “Why didn’t you kill him, Sheyanne?” Dutch walks over to me. “Told him he didn’t deserve the satisfaction.” I try to sit up, but I cried out. He rushes over, holding me down. “Stay down, sweetie. Rest. You’re home.” He kisses my forehead. 

“Dutch she needs to go to the doctor. I can’t do much for her but clean her up.” Susan’s worried face only made Dutch even more uneasy. “Let’s go.” He goes to gather things up, but I stopped him. “You can’t go, Dutch. It wouldn’t be safe for you.” I wheeze out. It’s hard to breathe. The pain is unbearable. “IM GOING DAMMIT.” His voice rang out, causing everyone to jump up. His chest was going up and down, heavily breathing. Nobody stopped him. “Everybody get out.” He lowered his voice. Everyone just about cleared out. He grabbed one of his shirts, ripping off what was left of the nightgown I had on. I was now in his shirt, and my underwear. He gently picked me up, but I still cried out in pain. Sobbing into his chest, I got blood on his clothes. “Everything will be okay, darling. It will.” He soothed me like you would a crying baby. I was in awful pain.

He lays me down in the back of a wagon, hopping in the back with me. Arthur and John sit in the front, steering the horses into Saint Denise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeehaw! 🤠 Leave some Kudos and comment, I don't bite if you don't want me to.


	16. Empty Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drugs, Hospitals, and minor mention of Self-Harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, I don't really understand how they did stuff back then when it came to use of medical equipment and administering drugs, so bare with me on some things. I mean this isn't necessarily supposed to be accurate down to the T. So if you know a lot about medical history back then please don't judge me. I have no clue how quickly the effects of morphine take place, but I do know that back then it was some pretty heavy shit, worse than it is now. I know some of the effects of morphine, like that it takes the pain away well and makes you higher than a kite, hence the highly addictive nature of it. The chapters that are beginning to follow after this turning point begin to take a darker shift. You have been warned in advance.

“Broken ribs. Does this hurt?” The doctor touches my abdomen. I scream out in pain, tears streaming down my face. “Stop touching her there!” John steps up. “I’m just doing my job, son.” The Doctor turns around and grabs a scalpel. “Woah, woah what are you doing with that?” Dutch looks concerned. “I need to cut her open on the side to assess the damage. Now, I am going to administer some morphine, to help numb the pain.” He reaches over and grabs a bottle, filling a needle with morphine. He puts it into my side, numbing the area. I immediately feel the effects. I feel nothing. I feel like I’m floating. This is nice. I smile up at Dutch with a horrified face, and look to Arthur and John. Arthur is turned looking at the wall. John just stares, white as a ghost. 

“Do you feel anything?” The doctor asks. “No... no.” I shake my head. The doctor opens my side, digging in there. He pulls out a small piece of bone, holding it up in the light. Dutch looks like he’s about to pass out. “Now... uhh, is this necessary?” He rubs his head with his handkerchief. The doctor just nods. 

Soon I’m being sewed up. He looks over my face, sewing up some open wounds there left from getting my face pounded in. 

*monster by besomorph*

“Now... was this from the attack?” He looks over my wrists. “No.” I look at him, high out of my mind. “These ones look older, but this one is fresh.” He unwrapped the wrest of my arms. Dutch’s face looked confused. “What do you mean, fresh?” He looks between me and the doctor. I smile weakly, looking out of my mind. I laughs little. “What’s so funny?!” He yells out, the doctor jumped. I laugh. “You don’t ever listen.*laughs* You... you did this. The other night. You did it.” I laugh again. His eyes go wide. He looked confused, angry, and sad all in one. There wasn’t a word for it. He was shocked, not knowing what to say. “Hey doc, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.” I smile at the doctor. He looks at me like I’m out of my mind. “What’s wrong with her?” John steps up to the doctor, pointing at me. “It’s just the effects of the morphine. She will be okay. I’ll be giving you some needles and morphine for her to take home. She’s going to be in pain for awhile.” The doctor just stares, then turns to grab something. “I will wrap her abdomen up with this, it’s be best if you keep in eye on her for the time while she’s using the morphine, it can be highly addictive.” He wraps my sides up with some material.

“You’re all good to go. See the lady in the front for payment. Here’s everything you need.” The doctor hands Dutch all the supplies. We pay and leave back to camp.

—————————————————————

*dont wake me up by nico collins*  
On the way home, I fell asleep from the morphine. I felt nothing. I was on cloud 9. Like I was floating. I was happy. So, so happy. It felt good. 

I woke up in the middle of the night sweating. Dutch was asleep next to me, he didn’t feel me stir. I got up. I felt every bone in my body is what it felt like. My side was in agonizing pain. I weep out. Suddenly, I felt the urge to throw up. I moved, shuffling my feet as fast as I could to get outside. “Baby? Are you okay?” I heard Dutch call after me, but his voice faded as I broke outside, vomiting on the dirt. I was heaving and heaving. It was a side effect of the morphine, but I also realized I haven’t ate in days. I was starving, but also in so much pain. I felt a hand on my shoulder, holding back my hair as I vomited. “Get it out baby.” Dutch’s sleepy voice called out behind me as he rubbed my back. After I finished, I was out of breath. I just needed something in my stomach, something for the pain. Anything to feel better. I cried out gently. He pulled me up and kissed my head, holding me around my shoulders. 

Dutch may be a stone cold man at times, but he also has a loving, nurturing side. Something I never saw with Molly. He was cruel to her. Cold. She didn’t deserve it. That’s what I was scared of when I went into a relationship with him. But he’s the complete opposite with me sometimes. 

“I need food.” I whispered out. He walked me over to the still burning fire outside. He sat me down, finding food for me, warming it up. “You’ve lost weight.” He stares at me. “I know.” I avoid his stare. “You haven’t been eating have you?” His voice becomes stern, but it was soft. I shook my head no. “I think it’s around time for her medicine.” Arthur comes out of his tent, bags under his eyes. “I’ll go get it.” Dutch gets up and leaves. “Couldn’t sleep?” I say to Arthur. “Nope. Too worried about you.” He chuckles. I smile a bit. “Here. Eat.” He shoves food at me. I smell it. My stomach immediately becomes queasy. But I shove it down anyways. That first bite made me sick. I bent over, throwing it up. 

“I can’t.” I put the food down. “You gotta eat somethin, honey.” Arthur exclaims. “I can’t, okay!” I put my hands on my face, crying again. Dutch comes back with the needle. “She can’t eat.” Arthur says to him. Dutch rubs his face and sighs. “I guess I can’t force her. But you need to eat. You’re loosing too much weight. I’m worried.” He sits down next to me. I sigh. “Do you want me to do this?” Dutch holds the needle. “No.” I take it from him, pushing it into a vein slowly. They look away as I wince. 

Soon I start to feel the effects take place. 

*ghost by AuRa*

“Dutch. I gotta tell you something.” I look at Arthur. He nods at me. He knows what I’m going to say. “I tried to do it again the other night.” I show him my wrist. He sits up, adjusting himself. His face is blank. Arthur looks between us. “I... I’m not myself anymore. I don’t... I’ve lost myself, again. I feel like I did when I first met you all. When I was alone and scared. I only had John. Then he introduced me to you all and I... I don’t know. I’m just lost. So fucking lost.” I put my head between my legs, crying. “I... I don’t know what to say.” His voice comes out monotone. “You don’t have to say anything. I just want to be told everything will be okay and that you love me!” I seem like I was pleading. In reality I was pleading for my life, silently. “Truth is, I’m scared to death. I’m paranoid. I feel like nobody believes in me and... I feel so alone. Like, how could you still love me? How could any of you still love me?” I stand up, getting dizzy, I almost fall. But Dutch catches me in his arms. “Listen. I know I’m not there much, and we’ve talked about that. But I love you. We all do. I’m not done lovin you yet, baby.” He puts his head on mine, kissing it gently. “The other night... she told me she got you good. But, I caught her just in time. She didn’t want to give it up. It’s like something in her just snapped completely...” Arthur looks at Dutch. “I deserved it. I was being an asshole.” Dutch looked away. “You’re always an asshole.” I speak out. Arthur laughs. “Shut it you two! Don’t encourage her, Arthur.” Dutch point at Arthur. “Part of me... believes I deserve all of this. Like a big collection of karma, came crashing down on me. I deserved it.” Tears roll down my face as I stare into the blazing fire in front of me. “You don’t say that. You didn’t ask for any of this. They TOOK you. They beat you. And almost killed you. If you didn’t have your fighting strength in you, you both would’ve died. I would’ve never seen you again.” He shakes me a little. My pupils were tiny little dots when he looked into them. The morphine was set in good then. I didn’t respond. My eyes started getting heavy at that point. “Take her to bed.” Arthur said. Dutch grabbed me up gently, taking me to bed. “I love you. More than anything.” Was the last words I heard before I drifted to sleep.


	17. "...I'm perfect, honey."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drug Abuse!!!!!
> 
> If you guys seem confused by the music suggestions I have in most of my paragraphs, it's only because those are songs I thought fit the situation. You also get some nice new tunes out of it. 😌 -SappyDeacon

-2 weeks later- 

*running back by orkid*

I was up and moving around fine now, but the pain still was there. I had been using the morphine every single day, I was almost out. At this point I was using the high to numb myself more than I would for the pain. I was using it for the pain in my heart and mind.   
Abigail and John are back to arguing like they do. Everyday. I’m sick of it. We all are. “Auntie, are you okay?” Jack says to me as he watches me close my eyes and open them back, I was in a trance. “Ya... ya I’m perfect, honey.” I smile at him. I was only perfect from the drugs. I was like a walking corpse. Pale, sweaty, and still a bit beat up in my face. My lip is healing decently, but the cut above my brow is gonna leave a mark. I was skinny. I’ve lost weight. I wasn’t my normal curvy self. I wasn’t skin in bones, but I wasn’t me. I haven’t been me for awhile. Not like it was a few months ago. 

“Hey!” John shakes me awake. He grabs my face as I open my eyes. I passed out against the porch. He looks in my eyes up close. My pupils were tiny. “You’re going overboard with this shit. You’re killing yourself.” He let’s go of my face. “Whatever.” I get up, almost falling. “Look at yourself, Sheyanne. This isn’t good.” He calls after me as I begin walking away. “I’m FINE, Johnny. Leave me alone.” I walk over to the table where most of the guys are. They stare at me, over their cards. I’ve crashed the game. “Lemme play!” I say out. I grab Uncles beer from his hand, drinking it. “No. No!” John comes behind me, grabbing the beer out of my hand. “Heeey!” I try to grab it from him. “You are unbelievable.” He pours the beer out. “That was a waste!” Uncle yells out. “Shut up old man!” John says to him. “Dutch! She’s out of fuckin control!” 

*love made me do it by ellise* 

“Oh you need him, huh. No no no. Let’s fight. Right now.” I get up swaying a little bit. “That’s enough, Sheyanne. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Arthur gets up. “I’m not fighting you. Sit down.” John tries to grab me, but I swing at him, missing him. Everyone stands up, watching in disbelief. I’ve hit rock bottom it seems. I thought I did before, but this is it. This is what it’s like. 

I try to swing again, but I had a big form grab me from behind. “ENOUGH.” Dutch picks me up carrying me away. “YouRE NO FUN!” I just dangle there as he carries me away. He sits me down at the porch. “I’ve watched you do this to yourself. This ain’t right. This... whatever your doing. I’ve had enough. You’re makin a damn FOOL out of yourself! ITS OVER.” He points at me sternly, his face red. “You aren’t my dad, Dutch.” His eyes widened. “That’s it.” He walks into the house. “Where ya goin!?” I sit there in the chair siding down like I was bored. He comes martching back out. What looks like a morphine bottle in his hand. “Where are you going with that?” I sit up, getting out of the chair. “Dutch! What are you doin with that!” I follow after him as he stomps away quickly. I catch up to him at the edge of the swampy pond. “What are you doing!!!” He turns, eyes wide, face furious. “You see this?” He holds the bottle up. Before I could reach up and grab the bottle, he chucks it far into the pond. We both watch it sink. He turns at me. “You’re DONE.” He yells out. I break down, sitting down on the ground. Throwing a fit like Jack would. He leaves me behind. I just cry out loud on the dirty ground, looking out at the pond. “I HATE YOU!” I yell out at him. “You’ll thank me.” He disappears. 

—————————————————————  
*didnt I by jaira burns*

The next day, I’m cold and have the shivers. Withdrawals. I really fucked up now. I can’t take back what I did or said. “Get up. Eat something.” Dutch comes in. He’s a little cold today. Yesterday was bad. “I really let you down now, didnt I?” I shiver, getting up. “Yes. You did.” He looks at me from the door. “You. Did this to yourself.” He points at me, putting a hand on his hip. “I’m sorry.” I scratch my head, going around him. “Sure.” He scoffs out. I don’t say anything. 

I walk outside. Nobody speaks to me. I look around. I’m completely alone here. 

*chasers by bahari* 

I tear up, letting a tear fall.   
“You’re up! You’re up! Finally!” Jack jumps over to me happily. “How’s my man?” I get to my knees, holding out my arms. Jack gets into them, snuggling into them. I’m smiling, for the first time in awhile. Like truly smiling. My mind is so much clearer in a way. “Don’t cry, auntie!” He wipes away the stray tear off my cheek. I smile at him, hugging him tighter. “I love you buddy.” I close my eyes, savoring the moment I’m in. “I love you too!” He giggles. I let go of him. “Wanna play?” He looks at me. “I would love to, baby.” He grabs my hand, pulling me into the small field of flowers. 

I was happy. In this moment. If I could freeze it forever I could. We played for a little bit, soon tiring. We lie down in the flowers, giggling. There was a small opening above us in the tree canopy. We were looking at clouds. “That one looked like... a puppy!” Jack points up. “No way! That’s a... dragon! RAWRRR!” I pretend I’m eating him. He screams, but laughs. We giggle. “Hey.” A body lies next to me. “Hi.” I look over. John. “Jack your mom wants you.” He tells Jack. Soon little footsteps fade away. John and I lie there, in silence. We hear faded conversations in the background. “I think I’m gonna go see my mom.” I stare at the clouds. John adjusts himself so he’s on an elbow, looking down at me. “You sure?” His raspy voice gives me chills. We haven’t done anything for weeks. No kissing, no touching. I forgot how much I missed it all. I nod my head, looking in his eyes. We stare for a little. “Good to see your eyes again.” He smiles. I blush a little. “I’m sorry. For all of that. I officially hit my rock bottom.” I sadly smile at him. He puts a small flower into my hair. “We all do at some point.” He sadly smiles back. I can see the glimmer of pain in his eyes. “But you’re back. That’s all that matters.” He says. “It will take time. Just because I’m back... doesn’t mean I’m okay. I’m glad I have Jack to keep me grounded.” I smile at the thought of his laugh. “Doesn’t he keep us all that way?” He laughs. I laugh nodding my head. “Ya I guess so.” It got quiet again. “Listen. If you need someone to go with you... I will be more than happy to.” He plucks a few more flowers into my hair. “Ya. I’d like that.” I smile at him. He gently kissed my lips, but only for a moment. We both blushed a little. He always seems to give me butterflies. He gets up, helping me up as well. 

We walk over to the ‘common area’ where everyone is. I pull Dutch aside. “Listen, I get if you don’t wanna talk to me right now. But.. I’m leaving.” My heart thumps a bit. His eyes widen a bit. “What... do you mean?” He seemed a little panicked. “I’m not leaving you. Calm down. I’ve.. finally gathered the courage to see my mom.” I look down. He puts a few fingers under my chin, making me look up at him. “Are you sure?” He looks in my eyes. I nod. “I’ll come.” He says. “John, uh offered to take me.” I smile a little. “Oh. Well. I can still come?” He shifts his weight. “Don’t worry about it. Figured you can use some time away from me.” I smile sadly. “Well if that’s how you want it, I won’t push it. Be safe.” He smiles. Pulling me in for a hug, kissing me. I savor his smell, closing my eyes for a moment. We say goodbye to everyone, and we’re off. 

I was raised in none other than Saint Denise. I never really thought about it until now, but being back here is probably why things have been the way they are for me. I’m coming mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you so much for reading my story. The number of views grows each day and it is way more than I ever thought I would get. I share my love to you all. Stay safe, wear your masks, and have a good Thanksgiving. ❤️❤️❤️


	18. Dad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Violence resulting in death and past/current emotional/physical abuse!!!

I rode side by side with John. We were silent the whole way. The closer we got to the graveyard, the more nervous I was. My heart was thumping out of my chest. I almost turned around when we approached the horse posts across the street from the graveyard. “Hey. We don’t have to do this today.” John grabbed my hand. “No. I have to do this.” He squeezed my hand. We approach the gates, pushing them open. “I haven’t been here since. Since then.” I shake a bit. He stops me, coming in front of me. “I love you okay. You’re strong.” He grabbed my face gently. Kissing me on the lips. Still shaking, he took my hand again and I lead him to her grave. 

I get down to my knees in front of the grave. “Hi momma.” I whisper. Tears silently fall down my face. John waited behind me. “I’m sorry I haven’t come... I... I miss you. So much.” I choke back a sob. I rub the gravestone, plucking out the little flowers John put in my hair, I bundle them up, putting them down. “Things haven’t been so good. But... I’m trying. I’m trying so hard. There’s not a day that goes by I don’t think of you.” I sob out. I immediately sit up, trying my best to compose myself. John put a hand on my shoulder, rubbing it. 

*still alive by maximillin*

“Sheyanne? Duckie?” My head snaps to the side, eyes going wide. I shake. I pull out my gun. “Baby is that you?” I point it at the man. “D...dad?” I shake even more. Choking back anoter sob. “Get away from me!” I scream out. “Sheyanne stop. Put it down.” John tries to grab the gun. “NO. NO. I HAVE TO KILL HIM. I HAVE TO.” My father steps forward. “Honey. It’s me. Put it down. Please.” My father begs. He’s not too sure what’s happening. He looks old. But he looks good. “My beautiful girl. You’re so big. So so big. You look like your mother.” He smiles, tearing up. He’s holding a bundle of flowers. “Don’t. Don’t call me that! I’m NOT your daughter.” I straighten up, calming myself. Still pointing the gun at him, he steps forward again. “I WILL SHOOT YOU. STOP!” I back up a little. John quickly grabs the gun from me. “I’m here. I’m here! Look at me.” John spins me to look at him. I hyperventilate. My father stares, setting the flowers down into my moms headstone. John pulls me into a hug, holding me. “I’m here.” He whispers. 

He holds me for a bit. My dad still stands there. He hasn’t said a word. “Duckie.” He speaks up. “Don’t. Don’t call me that.” I snap at him. He jumps a bit. “I’m sorry. For everything I’ve done to you. Nothing I can do to change your mind, but know this. I’m not the man I used to be. I’ve been sober for a few years now. I’ve been looking for you.... everywhere.” I walk out of Johns arms. “I doubt you’re fucking sorry. I’ve heard it BEFORE.” I poke at his chest. He backs up. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not who I used to be. When mom died, I wasn’t me. I wasn’t. But I’ve found myself again. And I’ve found you.” Tears stream down his face. I don’t reply. “This.. this your husband?” He looks to John, then me. “No... no sir. I ain’t.” John says to him. “You don’t deserve to talk to him. Or me.” I stare at him , then turn on my heel. “Shey. Hear him out will ya?” John points to my dad. “No. NO. You don’t UNDERSTAND. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE PUT ME THROUGH, JOHNNY.” I raise my voice, causing birds to stir. I spin around, but my dad is right behind me, grabbing me into a big hug. “Get OFF. Get off of me. Get off.” I cry out into his shirt. He just holds me as I sink to the ground. “Why. Why.” I cry. My dad is crying as well. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He whispers. The sun begins setting. “We can take him back to camp, if not it’s getting dark. Dutch is probably worried sick.” John puts a hand in my shoulder. I look up at him through swollen eyes. “Wanna meet my family, dad?” I look at him. “I would love that.” He smiles.

—————————————————————

*blame it on the kids by aviva*

We arrive back at camp just in time for dinner. My father trotting his horse not too far from behind us. We get off our horses. “The love of my life.” Dutch grabs me from off my horse, pulling me into a hug. He hasn’t noticed my dad yet. “Dutch.... there’s someone I want you to meet.” He looks at me, I turn out looking at my dad. “Why on earth would you bring someone here. We have RULES.” He sternly looks at me. “Stop. Please. I’m trying to heal. This is the only way.” I look up at him, eyes still swollen. His features soften a bit. 

“Names Dutch.” He leans over and shakes my fathers hand. I lead my father over after introductions to everyone. Everybody watches dad like a hawk, not taking him too kindly after they know what I’ve been through with him. It’s just at dinner time, so we sit down to eat. I didn’t talk to my dad much, but things were like normal around here, but with a little tension. 

After dinner, things begin to get serious. “So... this is your family?” My dad awkwardly gestures. “Yes... John here... took me in. Then he introduced me to everyone here.” I sit down in Dutch’s lap, smiling as he kisses me on the cheek. “Why’d you leave me?” My dad stared across the fire. Dutch shifts in his seat uncomfortably. I rub a reassuring hand on his leg. “Why? You’re kidding me right?” I stare at him. “There’s a lot ... I don’t remember.” My dad scratches his head. “No. What I think is you DO remember. You just don’t accept what you did to me. You beat me. Every single day. When I tried to kill myself, you BEAT ME.” I choke a little. Dutch rubs a hand on my back now. “I’m sorry. For everything. I told you.” My dad sips back some water. “A thousand sorrys won’t do no good, dad.” I shake my head, looking over at John for reassurance. “You think trying to kill me would help?” He scoffs out. “Woah. Am I missing something here, darlin?” Dutch looks at me. “She almost shot em, Dutch.” John speaks. Everyone’s eyes widen a bit. “I don’t blame her.” Dutch leans back in his chair. “And who are you to comment? We got a problem here?” My dad stands up a bit. Dutch eases me up, getting up. “Dutch, please...” I beg. “We do have a problem here. Never met you, didn’t like you. Now that I’ve met you, I still don’t like you. Who are YOU to come into MY camp and insist   
on causin problems? I’ll tell you, you’ll lose.” They both narrow their eyes. “Guys. Please stop. I wanted this to just be... this was a mistake.” I push past everyone. “Duckie please. Come back!” My dad tries to come after me. “You’ve done enough I believe.” Dutch says. Everyone stands up, putting a hand on their gun. “Don’t tell me. That is MY daughter.” My dad brushes past everyone, following after me. 

I sit in the small flower field that John and I occupied earlier in the day. I sit, silently crying. I hear footsteps behind me. “Honey.” My dad puts a hand on my shoulder. I don’t respond. He sits next to me on the dewy ground. “I died, dad.” I look at him. Looks of confusion flashed across his face. “What... do you mean?” He says. “I died. I stopped breathing. I slit my wrists. Practically bled out.” I didn’t look at him. I could hear his breath catch. He didn’t know what to say because he didn’t speak. “A lot has gone on. I’m a thief. I kill. I’m not your little girl. I haven’t been since the first time you beat me.” I suck in air. I felt my airways restricting slowly. Anxiety attack. Keep it down. Breathe. I slowly calm myself down. “You insist on runnin with these... people? You call them your family? They are nothin but filth. And by the looks of it, you are with a GANG leader of all the nice men out there. He could be your father for crying out loud!” My dad scoffs out. “You. Don’t. Don’t you dare do that. YOU are the FILTH. These people are more my family then you EVER HAVE BEEN. They have saved my life. MULTIPLE TIMES. Where have you been? Huh? Drunk? They not only took care of me when I left, they helped me when I lost my baby. They helped me when I DIED. They helped when I’ve gotten BEAT. Dutch is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Ya, he may cause pain sometimes, but so WHAT? I LOVE HIM. So don’t you DARE try to step in an judge my life when you know nothing about me.” I get up as I sobbed out. Holding myself for comfort. “Come home with me. Let’s leave! Come home to your actual family. Your blood.” My dad gets up, holding out his hand. “You haven’t been my family since mom died. You’ve only ever cared about yourself. All these years. I tried... I tried today. Shows me you haven’t changed. Oh yeah, I can smell the liquor on your breath. Fucking asshole.” I walk away in the direction of everyone. 

*kicks by aura*

I try myself to hold myself together. “SHEYANNE. GET OVER HERE. I AM YOUR FATHER.” I hear quick footsteps behind me. Suddenly, my father turns me around, slapping me across the face. I cry out, holding a hand to my cheek. Suddenly, I turn back to that little girl again. Hopeless. Waiting for the next hit. “THIS IS NOT YOUR FAMILY. I AM. YOU LITTLE BITCH, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER TO TRUST YOU. YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN THEM.” My father kicks me to the ground, climbing on top of me, hitting me in the face. I feel like I’m frozen. “GET OFF OF ME. PLEASE.” I scream out. He just keeps going at it. So much for my face healing well. “SHEYANNE!” I hear John call out. In my head, I think about what I couldn’t have done as a child, but now... that’s not me. I gather up all of the courage and kick my father off of me. I roll up, stunning my dad with a boot kick to the head. I pin him down now, throwing punches at his face like he always did to me. I heard him beg me to stop, but I couldn’t. I can’t. I feel a pair of hands grab me, but I was weighed down on him like a boulder. I kept hitting him, and hitting him. Then another set of hands grabs me, and they both pull me off of my father, dragging me backwards. “LET ME GO.” I scream and kick out. “THATS ENOUGH.” John yells out at me. I stop fighting them. They let me go. My breathin is rapid. My face is bleeding somewhere. Maybe everywhere. I can’t tell anymore. 

It’s almost as I hear the blood rushing through my ears, drowning out the sound of the world. The sound of my rage is bigger. Louder. I sit there, staring at my dad. He’s still alive. I stand up walking over to him, sniffling. My dad stares at me through glossy eyes. I stare back. I pull out my gun, cocking it back. My dad tried to pull himself back. “It’s not worth it, Sheyanne!” John calls out. “Let her do this.” I hear Dutch from somewhere behind me. “P...please.” My dad cry’s out. “Remember when I used to beg you, too?” Before he could speak, I empty my chamber into him. 

I hear whispers behind me. But I just stare at my fathers dead body. I killed him. Fuck. I really just killed my own father. Yes, there was many times I fantasized about it, but I never thought I’d actually do it! “Fuck you.” I kick his body. “Fuck you. FUCK YOU. FUCK. YOU!” I kick him over and over again. I cry out, falling to my knees. A pair of hands grabs me, pulling me back. “Lets get him outta here.” I hear Dutch call out. Soon I’m being pulled out of the circle that unknowingly formed around me.


	19. "It's all over now..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Rape and Violence mentioned

*zombie by frawley*  
“I’m proud of you, you know?” Dutch rubs my back. Everyone is sitting around the fire. A blanket around my shoulders, a beer in my hand, and I still have blood all over my knuckles and my face. I haven’t said anything for the past couple of hours. “Takes some balls, kid.” Bill holds up his beer, then swishes it back. “What’re ya thinkin?” Arthur offers me a cigarette. I take it, lighting it up. Savoring the small head buzz, I blow the smoke out. “I shoulda done it sooner.” I stare at the fire without looking up. The only thing heard was crickets. “Let us look at your face at least?” Me.Grimshaw said. “No. I can do it myself.” I get up, flicking my cigarette into the fire. I hear someone get up, but immediately hear Dutch. “Let her go. Give her time.” I walk towards the house, glancing over to the spot I shot my own father not only a couple hours ago. I feel a small lump form in my throat. I continue in the house. 

I’m sat in front of the mirror, staring into my own eyes. ‘Monster.’ I think. My face wasn’t as bad as I thought it would’ve been. My lip was busted open on the other side of my mouth, Bruises already formed on the side of my face and under my eye. I clean everything up. Blood and all. But after that, I couldn’t help but still look at my bruised face, and busted lip. Tears form in my eyes, dripping out. ‘He had it coming.’ I think. Was I trying to reassure myself for the awful act I committed? What would mom have thought? No, I wouldn’t be in this position if she was still here. I rake my fingers through my hair, sighing out loud. 

“Stupid. Stupid. You’re an idiot...” I say to myself quietly, still staring at my reflection. Suddenly I pick my fist up, slamming it into the glass. As it shatters, it cuts my knuckles up decently. I gasp, clutching my bleeding hand. “Fuck.” I say. 

I walk outside kinda quickly, still clutching my dripping hand. As a cause for some alarm, some people turn around staring at the crazy bleeding lady approaching fast. “Are you okay?” Abigail sat up. “No. Nope not really. No.” I uncover my bleeding hand. “Dutch. We need a new mirror.” I wince as I cover my hand back up. “What in gods name. What on earth did you do?!” Dutch gets out of his chair, coming over to look at my hand. “Put the pieces together.” I shake my head. 

I go over to our water bucket, pouring a bit of water onto my bleeding hand. “You need to stop doing this. I’m getting real tired of patching you up!” Ms.Grimshaw comes over, a roll of cotton in hand. “Sorry I’m so accident prone, Susan.” I say sarcastically with a tone. She smacks the back of my head lightly. “Hey! Enough with that.” She huffs out. “She’s right. This needs to stop. It’s happening too much lately.” Dutch lights up a cigar. “Oh, Bite me.” I snap out. “Love to.” He laughs out. The other men laugh too. “Ha-Ha.” I say as Susan finishes wrapping my hand. I walk past Dutch, smacking him in the back of the head. “HEY!” He blows out smoke, feeling the back of his head. “I’m going for a walk.” I walk away. “It’s dark out! You stay here, now!” Susan calls out. “I’ve got a gun.” I throw my hand up behind me. “God help that girl.” I hear someone call out. Like he would want to help me. Funny. 

—————————————————————

I walk down the long path that leads to and from the camp, making sure to take my time. My hand is throbbing. I wonder why. Right now my mind and body is craving morphine. But that wasn’t good for me. 

It’s quiet. I could hear the distant laughter from back at the camp, and the other worldly sounds out there... but it’s quiet. The wind lightly breezes through my hair as I walk further and further away from camp. I suddenly stop in my tracks. I hear light footsteps, and rustling of some bushes. No, it’s not the wind. “Who’s out there?” I call out, putting a hand on my pistol. Nobody answers. Instead, I get slammed up against a tree. “Oof.” I make a sound as my head smacks on the tree. ‘Can I get a fucking break SOMETIME soon?’ I scream inside my head. I feel the tip of a sharp knife lightly press into my throat. “Who the fuck are you? What do you want?” I breathe out. “Gimme what you got and maybe I won’t cut your pretty little throat.” An unknown voice speaks to me. “WHO are you?” I say. “That’s none of your damned business who I am, pretty little thing. Now give me what you got.” His breath was hot on my face. It reeked. “How many of there are you?” I say out, wincing as the tip of his knife gently pokes into my neck. “Why do you need to know that? Huh? Matter a fact...” The man throws me into the ground. I land on my face, sliding across the gravel and dirt, skidding parts of my body. The man gets on top of me, and other footsteps emerge from the dark. “Grab her. We’re gonna have our way tonight, boys.” The man says as I get pinned down. “GET OFF OF ME.” I thrash around trying to find a spot where I can get the upper hand. “Hold. Still. Bitch.” The man on top of me struggled. Suddenly my shirt gets ripped open, buttons popping off. “Look at them pretty little things.” The man holding down my arms says. I continue to try to buck the men off of me, fighting as hard as I could. I’m not very big, so I begin to panick knowing how this might play out. “HELP!!! HELP ME! DUTCH!!!!” I scream from atop of my lungs. “Dutch? THE Dutch Van der Linde? Ho-ho boys. We got a good one.” They all laugh. One of them stuffing something into my mouth to keep me quiet. “This’ll shut her up.” The man on me says. He unbuckles my belt, trying to slide down my pants. I begin bucking again. I hear my name off in the distance somewhere. But I can’t scream. At this point, I give up, letting it happen. The man puts himself into me forcefully, causing me to scream through my makeshift gagger. 

*higher by maximillian*

Tears stain my cheeks, hot and burning. I hear footsteps coming faster and faster, with the glint of a lamp getting closer. I just lie there, numb. Empty. I disconnected myself from the world. “Someone is comin boss. We gotta go.” One of them sounded panicked. “If it’s that Dutch, we’re screwed.” The one at my feet says. “HOLD ON DAMMIT.” The one inside of me keeps thrusting in and out of me hard. The pain doesn’t amount to what I’m feeling inside. 

“SHEYANNE?!” I hear people scream out. Suddenly the man that was inside of collapsed onto of me, blood splattering all over me and the man that was holding my arms down. “YOU SONS OF BITCHES!” I hear Dutch growl out. After that I hear two other pops. I just lie there. Like I was dead again. I close my eyes trying to reassure myself it was over. Was this just a dream? 

I slowly drag out the gag in my mouth out, dropping it beside my head. “Dutch?” I say out quietly. “Baby? Oh my god. My baby girl. My darling girl.” Dutch kneels down, pushing the man on top of me off. He quickly slides up my pants before others see me. “Is she okay?!” Arthur runs up. I just stare at them. The way Dutch stared at me was like he was staring at nothing. He wiped the tears that were streaming out of my eyes away. “What happened?” John walks up quickly. “Caught that motherfucker on top of her like she was a piece of meat.” Dutch growls out. He quickly picks me up in his arms. “Jesus. What if the other two?” Arthur says. “Pinning her down.” Dutch walks off with me, back off to the house. 

“It’s all over now.” Dutch whispers to me.


	20. Plan

*apologize by onerepublic*  
He gently sets me into bed. He runs his fingers through his slowly graying hair roughly. He quickly lights a cigar. In the house. “No smoking in the house.” I whisper. “I CAN DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE.” He yells out making me jump. “Don’t take this out on me, Dutch. Not right now.” I choke back a sob. His expression softened. He sighs, pausing for a second before putting out the cigar on the side table. He sits down next to me, pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry.” He whispers. “I can’t catch a break...” I cry into his shirt. “I know. I know. We’re all here. We’re a family. We will get through this together.” He pulls me to him tighter. 

We sit there for a bit until I finish crying. “You okay?” He rubs a thumb across my cheek lightly. “No.” I suck in a sharp breath, rubbing my nose on my sleeve. “Let’s clean you up.” He says quietly. He stands up with me, helping me take off my shirt. He walks over to the wash basin, grabbing a wet cloth. He dabs it over my face, cleaning off the brain matter from the man that was on top of me. “What did you do with the bodies?” I say, watching him clean my face. “Taken to the swamp. Gators will take care of them.” His face reddens a bit at the thought about those men. His wipes become more aggressive. “Ow.” I wince out. “Sorry, darlin.” He backs up, putting the bloodied cloth back into the water, wringing it out and bringing it back. I kick my pants off and assess the damage. My knees were scraped up, as were my elbows and one of my palms. “At this rate, my body will never heal will it?” I chuckle out depressingly. “No. I don’t think so.” Dutch smiles ushering me to sit down. He gets down on his knees, dabbing them with the watered cloth. I jump a little at the sting. “You should get something else for that.” John says. Both Dutch and I jump, turning to look over at the door. “CANT YOU KNOCK, BOY? Give the woman some privacy when she’s indecent!” Dutch throws the reddened rag at him. He dodges it. “Not like I ain’t seen it befo...” he stopped talking. Dutch’s face was redder than a tomato. He narrowed his eyes at him. “Out.” He pointed his finger at him to leave. John held his hands up, backing out of the door. I laughed a bit. “Shut up.” Dutch says. “Go get stuff.” I laugh. He gets up and diasappers out of the door.

—————————————————————  
*Start again by onerepublic*  
After Dutch cleaned my wounds up, I dress in one of his shirts, not bothering to put pants on, but I do have underwear on. I walk outside with him. Everyone stares at me. “You okay, kid?” Arthur pulls me into a hug. “I guess.” I whisper in his chest. “No you aren’t. And that’s okay. Just know you’re not alone. We’re all here.” He kisses the top of my head, letting me go. I sit down between John and Dutch. “Where yer pants?” John pokes my leg. I saw Abigail narrow her eyes a bit, but they softened when I met them. “Don’t be walking around like that, now!” Susan throws a blanket around me. I look at my knees and my hand. 

John put an arm around me, pulling me into a side hug. “I’m fine, John.” I look at him. His eyes were worried. “Okay, okay.” He kisses my head quickly before taking his arm back. I get handed a beer. I chug it back quickly... all of it. I’m looking to get a buzz in. I put my hand out to Dutch and he looks at me, and then hands another beer. I open that one and chug that back too. “Might wanna slow down.” Javier says. “Shut up.” I set the bottle down next to the other. Everyone laughs. We all sat by the fire talking, but everyone still took small glances at me every now and then. Maybe to keep an eye on me, or maybe to just to read my emotions. 

“So, you’re saying that maybe he likes men?” I hold my hands out, shrugging my shoulders. “HEY, HEY! That’s not true! I like woman. With the big breasts. Like Susan.” Bill says. “YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH.” Miss Grimshaw says loudly. We all bust out laughing, but Susan wasn’t having it. “You are all a bunch of drunks.” She huffs out. Dutch grabs my hand. “Are you tired yet?” He lenas in to my ear. “I am.” I stifle a yawn. “Come to bed.” He smiles then kisses my cheek. I nod my head. “I’ll be in there soon, okay?” I smile at him. He says goodnight and goes inside the house. “That time already?” John says while gently bumping into my shoulder. “I think so.” I bump him back. Everyone begins to say goodnight, leaving John and I sitting by the fire. 

“I’m sorry that happened. That everything hasn’t been going so well.” I stared at me, moving a piece of hair from my eye. “Shit happens, I guess.” I shrug, looking back to the fire. “No. I mean yes, shit does happen. But what those men did to you... it... breaks my heart. Especially that it was you.” He grabs my hand gently, paying mind to my wrapped up knuckle. I didn’t say anything. I turn to look at him. “I’ll be okay.” I say quietly, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll always be here... for you. I know you know that, but I always need to let you know just in case you forget.” He smiles a bit. “I know, Johnny. And you know it’s the same for me.” I smile back. “I love you.” He rubs over my busted lip. “Ow!” I jump, making him jump. I may have exaggerated a bit just to get a little bit of a rise out of him. “I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?!” He looks at me worried. “Just kidding.” I grin, laughing. “That’s not funny.” He pouts. “I gotta get to bed before Dutch drags me in. Goodnight Johnny. Oh and I love you too.” I get up. I begin walking away, but he spins me around, kissing me for just a second. Both of our breathing hitched a little. We smile at each other before I left John at the fire alone.

—————————————————————  
-3 weeks later-

“I’m healing pretty good, don’t you think?” I look in the mirror outside. “I’d think so, sure.” John says watching me with a book in his hand. “Put that damn book down, Dutch is influencing you men too much.” I laugh, snatching the book from him. “Hey!” He gets up trying to grab the book from me. “No! You need to get some sun.” I hide the book in my arms, clutching it tight. “I can read in the sun, you know!” He reaches around from behind me, trying to desperately grab the book. We both are full of giggles. We hear a deep throat clear. We both look up to see Dutch staring at eyes with narrowed eyes. “Okay kids, enough.” He says with crossed arms. I look back at John, and we both lose it, laughing loudly. I hand the book to him. “Was that so hard?” He smiles. “Yes, it was.” I smile back.

Lately I have been in a better mood. I get nightmares every now and then from the events that happened last month. But other than that I’ve been feeling okay. A little happy at least. 

Dutch pushes off of the door frame coming over to both John and I. “Follow.” He growls out. John and I look at each other, chuckling quietly like two little kids. We follow him over to the small fire that blazes in the middle of the day. We sit down. “So. We have something special going on. We’re on a time frame here.” Dutch crosses his legs. “Finally, I thought I was going to die from boredom.” I say sarcastically. Dutch growls a bit. He’s obviously a bit moody today. “Actually, little miss. You have a big role in this.” He smiles mischievously. Everyone laughs a little at my face falling. “Why me? Can’t it be like... Arthur?” My shoulders fall. “Arthur isn’t that pleasant to look at, honey. No offense, Arthur.” Dutch looks over at him. “Hey. All offense taken!” Arthur pouts. Everyone laughs out again. “My darlin, you’re like the main attraction. It would be better if you did it because nobody would expect a beautiful, stunning, amazing little woman to shoot you in the face.” Dutch grabs my hand kissing it. “Okay you can fawn over the girl later Dutch, get to it.” John scowls. Everyone raises their eyebrows, some chuckle. “You my dear, will be meeting Trelawny in Saint Denise. He will be waiting for you and Arthur by the shop. Now, he will get you some nice clothes, make you look like rich folk. Then he will take you to the coast. You’ll get on a ship... and... aww He will explain all the details when you meet him. After that, we will get the bar rollin.” Dutch smiles. “That... doesn’t give us any information at all. Especially me.” I shake my head and make a face. “Relax, honey! It will be fine! Arthur, take her into town will you?” Dutch helps me up. “Sure.” Arthur says. I kiss Dutch and say goodbye to everyone else.


	21. Suits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is very short, but the next chapter is looooong as hell. Enjoy! ❤️

Arthur and I arrive into Saint Denise. We spot Trelawny leaning against a fence, looking awfully bored. Arthur hops off his horse. “M’lady.” He offers his hand. “Why thank you, sir.” I take his hand, and jump down to the pavement. We approach Trelawny. “Ah there you are my darling!” He clasps his hands together. “Yes, here I am.” I say. “Well, were going to need to get you smartened up a bit.” He looks me over. “Why?” I say, looking at Arthur. He shrugs. “Well you can’t play at the tables on Lannahechee River Boat looking like this.” He gestures at Arthur and I. I could almost be offended. “You can’t?” I say confused. He puts a hand on my shoulder, patting it lightly. “Not if you want to fit in so well that no one will realize you’re there to rob the place. Now come on!” He smiles, then turns to walk away into the shop. Fucking Dutch. I should have asked more questions. “Are we still doing that?” Arthur calls after him. “Of course! We are going to fix you two up so fine, no one will notice a thing!” He walks into the shop. Arthur and I look at each other sighing. “I’m going to shoot Dutch next time I see him.” I scowl. Arthur just nods. 

“Hello can I help you gentleman?” The teller says as we walk in. “Excuse me?” I say looking up from under my hand. “Oh, pardon me miss!” He nods his head, face reddining. I just stare. “Yes, my gentleman friend here is looking for a new suit, and my lady friend is looking for a lovely new dress.” Trelawny smiles. “Make this gentleman look like the duke he really is. And her the princess she is.” Trelawny pats Arthur on the shoulder hard. I heard Arthur curse under his breath. Apparently I was the only one that caught that. I was successful at stifling a laugh. 

A woman lead me back into a dressing room bringing me different dresses to try on. “I hate this.” I say as she knocks the wind out of me, tightening a corset around my waist. “Oh dear, you will get used to it.” She smiles from behind me. I roll my eyes. I could hear Trelawny practically spilling nonsense on how we are royalty to the front clerk. I just shook my head. 

After awhile I got used to the corset, but I was getting really tired on trying on several dresses. “I think this pink one would suit you well, but this blue one is absolutely ravishing for your complexion.” The woman clasps her hands together. “I like the red one.” I point to the red dress. Her smile faultered a bit. “Well I think that-“ she begins, but I cut her off. “I like the red one.” I stare at her. She nodded, helping me into the red dress. “Beautiful!” She smiles. She brings in some accessories that fit well with the dress, and also fixing my hair and makeup. I looked at myself in the mirror. I smile, looking up and down. “I look...” I whispered. “Absolutely stunning.” Arthur peeps in from the curtain. “SIR! SHOO!” The woman pushes Arthur from the curtain. I laughed, my smile widening. “I think we’re finished here.” The woman grins. She leads me out from the dressing room. “Here she is.” The woman pushes me out to the room. All of the men stare, mouths slightly agape. “Wow... you. Dutch would be shittin himself right about now.” Arthur laughs. The woman scolded Arthur for his “fowl language in front of two ladies”. We paid and left the building. Next stop was to get Arthur a haircut for himself.


	22. No Good Cheat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Violence and Racism
> 
> (A lot of the lines are from the boat scene in the actual game)
> 
> Enjoy! ❤️

After everything, we hop in a carriage and head our way to the boat. “Remember no weapons. They’ll search you.” Trelawny informs us. “They may search the men, but they won’t search me, I’m strapped under my dress.” I smile, pulling out a mirror from my bag to retouch my lipstick. “This is the most I’ve seen you look... well like a lady.” Arthur teases. “Oh shut it, old man.” I laugh. “You will be playing the role of his wife, just mingle with the other ladies, fit in. Most importantly, don’t draw too much attention to yourself.” Trelawny points at the both of us, but lingering on me. “With a dress... like this? I’d be happy to NOT have eyes on me.” I roll my eyes, fixing my bust uncomfortably. 

We arrive after all the information Trelawny gave us, he informed us that Javier will be on the boat as well. We all get out of the carriage, Arthur taking his arm into mine. “This is really weird.” I whisper to him. “Weird, indeed.” He nods. “Now remember what I said Arthur, everyone is the author of their own good fortune.” Trelawny walks in front of us. “Yes, yes, believe me I heard every word.” Arthur says. “Watch Strauss, listen to the dealer, and this should be a very lucky night...” Trelwany looks back smiling. “-There they are! Gentleman! How wonderful it is to see you.” We near our partners in crime for the night. “-Arthur! You remember this pair of boys we met in New York.” Trelawny shakes Javier and Strauss’ hands. I nod politely but knowingly at the two men, smiling. To up the act, Trelawny and his big mouth knows how to persuade anyone near. “C’mon gentleman, champagne is on dear old Arthur. He’s rich as can be and feeling luckier than a turkey that survived on Thanksgiving.” We all laugh out. I just want to tell Trelawny to shut the hell up. But we all smile anyways. The look on Arthur’s face is priceless. We all turn and near the docking station that leads to the boat. “Hello gentleman.” The guard calls out. “Hello, dear boy!” Trelawny says. “Keep your cool.” Arthur whispers. “Hello, miss.” The guard smiles at me as I bat my eyelashes at him. A small blush rises to his face. 

As we bord the boat, a guard stops us. “We require all patrons to hand over their guns.” He stands with his hands on his hips. I suddenly feel as if ive been caught. “We dont have any guns on us, sir.” I smile nervously. The guard eyes me with suspicion, but then he smiles and lets us pass. We walk away getting inside. “Did you see the breasts on her?” The guard whistles. I try to turn around to say something but Arthur squeezes me arm. “Dont.” He whispers. My blood is boiling. 

We walk further into the boat and Javier begins to walk off. “Good time, the tables await.” Trelwany says happily. “Right, ill go find myself a change of clothes.” Javier disappears behind a door. A man walks past us, staring. We all smile, Trelwany tipping his hat. The man nods, then disappears. Arthur sighs. “Robbing a heavily armed river boat without a gun... tends to bring out the self-doubt in me.” Arthur nods his head. “These people are virtually idiots. This is simple stuff.” Trelwany begins to push open the door but I stop him. “Wait, Arthur. Remember I have two pistols on my thighs. You want one?” I stare at him. He shakes his head. “So be it. Lets go.” Trelawny pushed open the door revealing tables upon tables of poker games. Arthur takes my arm again. “Now have a good time... but dont lose too much money, or your wife is going to kill me.” He pats Arthur on the back. We all laugh out loud, some people turning to look at us. “Well my dear, I will let you get to it.” I smile kissing Arthur on the cheek. His face reddens after contact. He doesnt say anything but nervously laughs. I walk away. I got an eye on Strauss, nodding at him quickly. He nods back. 

I order a drink at the bar, it was close to where Arthur was sitting. “Good evening gentleman, Arthur Callahan. Sorry Im late I had some unfinished business at the bar.” I hear Arthur say. I guess I am Mrs.Callahan. All the men laugh, introducing themselves . The man himself that we are robbing, Desmond Blythe, is sitting across from Arthur. I sip my drink, keeping an eye around the room. Suddenly I feel a man slide up beside me. “Evening, darlin. If i may introduce myself, I...” The unknown man gets cut off. “Im married, thank you though. It was so nice meeting you.” I smile at him, then turn sipping my drink and walk away. So this is what its like to turn down people and say Im a married woman. Would it feel like that to call myself Mrs. Van der Linde? I shake my head a little. I shake off the thought. I sit down by myself in a booth, keeping an eye out. “May I refill your champagne Miss?” A man comes up in a uniform. “That would be lovely.” I smile and bat my eyes at him as I hold out my glass for the servant. The man blushes as he walks away. I smile to myself as I drink. This is nice. 

I would love to do this. Get all dolled up, and go out. But the reality is, Im nothing but a killer. I dont have money. I dont have status. I rob people for a living. I kill for a living. Just to survive. Suddenly my mind wonders elsewhere. The thought of Dutch and maybe John all dressed up. Watching me in my tight bodice, and my tight dress. All my curves are hugged right. The thought of their eyes on my body makes me wet between my legs. I squirm a little uncomfortably. I would love for Dutch to just call me a dirty girl and rip my dress off of me and take me in a supply closet. I could feel my cheeks get hot. A body slides in next to me. Trelawny. “Hello there. Enjoying yourself?” He smiles at me. “I am. And you?” I sip my champagne. “I feel just lovely. A toast.” He holds up his glass. “To good tidings.” He winks at me. I hold up my glass, tinking it against his. We sip down the rest of our drinks. 

“Sit your hillbilly ass down.” Desmonds yells out. Trelawny and I snap our heads over to Arthurs table. The game must have finished, taken that it was just Arthur and Desmond left. He was going on about something of a watch, upstairs in his safe. I take a glance over at Trelawny. He just nods gently. Arthur sits back down. “Its worth more than you.” Is what I last heard Desmond say. “I want to beat this motherfucker up.” I whisper at Trelawny. His eyes widen just a bit. I feel my blood boil. Nobody talks to my people like that. I would love nothing more than to bash the guys face in. Smug motherfucker. 

“Lets not waste anymore time here. All in.” Desmond puts all his chips in the center. Arthur hesitates. “Dont worry, sir, everyone is the author of his own good fortune.” The card dealer says. I smirk a bit. I look over to Strauss sitting behind Desmond Blythe. He gives Arthur the signal. I stand up. “I need a refill.” I walk past Strauss, winking quickly. I go to the bar, refilling my drink. I just watch the table intently. I heard Desmond speak but my heart was pounding to loud. I watch the card dealer lay out the last card. “Yes! You little beauty!” Arthur calls out. I seemingly was holding my breath in. “Hard lines, Mr.Blythe. Mr.Callahan wins with an ace-high diamond flush.” The card dealer says. “God damn you!” Desmond yells out. He sighs. “No-no offense.” He says after. I let out another breath. “None taken.” Arthur wiggles in his sit a bit, smirking at the man were about to fuck over. “Well played sir. Unlucky Desmond.” The pit boss walks over to the table setting a hand on his shoulder. Arthur moves around in his seat nervously. “Now... forgive my lack of discretion but where may I find this watch.” Arthur strokes his face. I stand up straight. I walk over to Arthur. “Did you win, honey!?” I smile brightly. The men just stare. “I did indeed, my dear!” He grabs my hand, kissing it. We both blush. The men still stare. Desmond clears his throat still staring at me. I shift uncomfortably. “Its upstairs, shall we go and have a look?” The pit boss walks around the table. “Why not?” Arthur stands up, taking my arm. “Bye now.” I wave and wink at Desmond. His face reddens as he says goodbye nervously. 

We approach a set of doors. “Gentleman... are you new?” The pit boss stares. Javier was standing there in a little servant uniform. I try to stifle a laugh, covering my mouth. Arthur nudges me a bit. “Sorry.” I whisper. “I-I started last week.” Javier acts helplessly. The pit boss stares at him. “Good...sure. Perhaps you could escort us up to the office?” The pit boss waits. “Yes, of course sir.” Javier opens the door and leads us up a set of stairs. “I cannot believe someone gave a greaser a job.” The pit boss says in disgust. I growl a little. I feel my blood boil once more. I calm myself down a little as Arthur yet again squeezes my arm. I really need to get my anger in check. “Yep, we live in... strange times.” Arthur says. I glared at him. He didnt look at me. “Personally, I wouldnt trust one with a gun, uh, but fear not, Ive got my own little law giver right here.” The pit boss says as he holds out his gun, then holsters it. Well so do I buddy. So do I. I smirk to myself. 

“Very good.” Arthur says out blandly. “Next, they’ll be hiring negros.” The man says. “Yeah , I know... I know.” Arthur’s voice is monotone. “I cant, Arthur, I cant.” I whisper to him. “What was that?” The pit boss turned around looking at me. “Oh nothing sir. Just so excited for my man here.” I smile big. He just smiles back and keeps walking. I sigh. We walk out onto a balcony, turning to another set of stairs. “A lady can only do so much stair climbing in a corset.” I breathe out, annoyed. The pit boss continues talking to Arthur about the watch, but I’ve tuned him out at this point. I roll my eyes. “Well, here we are.” The pit boss gestures to the office. The office is sitting on the top deck of the boat. Think Desmond compensating for something? 

“Just give me one second sir.” The pit boss walks over to the safe, turning the dial to open it. I nod at Javier. He turns and bashes the other guards face with the end of his gun. The pit boss begins to reach for his gun. “Dont reach for that gun.” Arthur says. The man throws his hands up. Javier kept his gun on him. I reach down and pull up my dress a little, grabbing my pistols from my thighs. I cock them both, pointing them at the man. “Take his gun Arthur.” Javier calls out. Arthur walks over and takes the pit boss’s gun from his side. He throws the man to the ground. “Guess you were right, only an idiot would give a greaser a gun.” Javier and I laugh. I keep both of my pistols trained on the man. Arthur walks over to the safe and begins digging through it. “Idiot, huh?” The man pulls out a hidden gun, pointing it at Arthur. Within seconds the mans brains were everywhere. “God, I thought I’d never be able to shut that asshole up.” I turn to Arthur. “Shit! Lets hope no one heard that! Quick, clear the safe and lets get outta here.” Javier keeps an eye out at the door. “Hurry up.” I say. “I... am!” He pulls stuff out. “Cant believe that asshole had another gun.” Javier calls out. “The view in here is lookin pretty good.” Arthur rushes to put the loot in a bag. There was a good few thousand in the safe, plus the watch. 

“Let’s go find the others!” Javier rushes out the door, Arthur and I following suit. “Keep your guard up, boys. Were in for quite a show.” I rush after them. “I reckon we only have a few minutes to get out of here.” Javier looks around. “If were lucky.” Arthur says. 

Down on the deck below we hear a couple of guards. “Was that a gunshot?” One calls out. “It sounded like one. Lets go.” They run. “Shit.” I say under my breath. “And... how exactly are we getting outta here?” Javier’s voice wavers. “I aint too sure. This is what happens when we leave Trelawny in charge of palnning.” Arthur scoffs. “I dont understand why you guys insist on letting him do it. Hes an idiot!” I call out, looking around. “Dont blame us! Blame Dutch.” Arthur says. “Oh trust me, hes gonna get a talk when we get home. IF we get home.” I look around, keeping my guard up. 

We near the entrance back into the ballroom. “Nice uniform by the way.” Arthur says to Javier. “Thanks. They’ll give anyone a job these days. Anyways, we shouldnt give oursleves away, til we know we need to.” Javier calls out over his shoulder. We stop so i could put my guns back on my thighs. Javier watches, then looks away, squirming... uncomfortably. “Pig.” I say to him. Arthur laughs. Javier sighs. “Maybe we can still blend into the crowd, when it all goes crazy.” We walk into the ballroom nonchalantly. “Which it surely will...” Arthur sighs out. Suddenly, Arthur yells out. “To the baaarr, señor!” I chuckle a little. The guests are still perfectly sitting at their tables, gambling away. “I hope you had fun, sir.” Javier calls out awkwardly trying to blend in. “The time of my life... you boys sure know how to put on a show!” Arthur calls out over the crowd. I take his arm in mine, walking gracefully like we didnt just kill a man and rob the boat. “Thats wonderful...” Javier laughs nervously. We just still smile. “Ah look, theres your friend!” Javier laughs still. We near the bar where Trelwany sits at with Desmond Blythe.

“No sir, my friend is not a “no good cheat” and I beg you to take back that insinuation!” Trelawny yells out. “Hey...” Arthur taps Trelwanys shoulder. “There he is!” Desmond points angrily at Arthur. “Now, dont be a sore loser, friend.” Arthur laughs. “Theres something I dont like about the pair of you!” Desmond steps closer to us. “Theres plenty I dont like about you... But I have the good manners of keeping my mouth shut.” Trelawny pushes himself off the bar. Here we go. My heart feels like its thumping out of my chest. 

Suddenly a man runs into the room, pointing at Javier. “There he is! Shoot that man!” A guard points his gun at Javier, but before he could Javier shot through him. Everyone screamed and dispursed from the room. “Fuck!” I yell out, quickly pulling out my guns. Javier throws Arthur his rifle. “Come on, we gotta get out of here!” Javier yells out, hiding behind a table. Arthur runs behind the bar, readying himself. I hide behind a chair, both of my pistols in my hands. Guards begin storming in, left and right. We take them down quickly, but it wasnt easy. I look over and see Strauss knocking a bottle over a guards head. Trelawny is somewhere in the room as well. “Where are they coming from?!” I hear Javier yell out over the sound of gunfire. “Ahh, PUTA!” He yells out at a guard. “Come on! Lets get the hell out of here!” Arthur screams out. “How do you suggest we do that?!” Strauss calls out. “I dont know, this aint my show!” Arthur yells back annoyed. We all run out the way we came in. “We gotta jump!” I scream. One by one, we each jump off the boat, in the middle of the river. “What about the alligators!?” Someone says as I rise up from the surface. My dress was heavy as it is, but now, its like dead weight. I tire myself out quickly by kicking my way to the shore. Let me tell you, that took awhile. 

After getting back to the docks, Arthur and Javier had to pull me up out of the water because I was out of breath and my dress was sopping wet. “This is going to take forever to dry.” I sigh, wringing my hair out. “Never a dull moment!” Trelwany called out. “Yeah, you could say that.” Arthur said. “Trelawny?” I say sweetly. “Yes, dear?” He puts his top hat back on. “SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR JUST A MOMENT PLEASE.” I walk away. Everyone was quiet, but I heard a few mumbles. “How much did we get?” Trelawny says. My blood curdles at the sound of his voice at the moment. “A few thousand I think.” Arthur pulls out the money. I walk back over. He hands out stacks of cash to each of us, then gives the watch to Strauss. They talked about what kind it was, and as Strauss took interest in it, Arthur took it back. I just shook my head and laughed. “Lets get home.” I say, as we all walk away from the docks.


End file.
